Agree or disagree with snooping thru your teenage kid's bedroom?

My husband occasionally (like maybe twice a year) snoops and goes thru my older sons (now 17 & 19). He reasons “it’s my house, blah, blah” The 17 yr old especially gives him/us reason to go in his room as he is a total slob. If he would keep his room clean my husband would not be as likely to even go in there. Like yesterday we found out he has ants in his room from undisposed of soda cans. In the past we’ve found porno and tobacco products. Anyway, do you think a parent can or should go thru their kids room?

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  • If you have reason to believe he may be doing something against your rules or the law, I would have to say go for it. Just be happy your husband will look into what your son is up to… a lot of parents will just ignore signs until it is too late to stop the problem that started.

    Source(s): Knows how teenagers work (I’m 19)

  • Your son has given your husband reason to distrust him. Now you’ve got an insect infestation in your house, pornography, and it’s illegal for anyone under the age of 18 to possess tobacco products (at least, it’s illegal in my state, I don’t know about everywhere else). I would say that your kid shot himself in the foot on this one.

    And your husband is completely in the right – it IS his house, and if there is something worse in that kid’s bedroom besides tobacco products, GUESS WHO gets to answer for that?!? That’s right – you and your husband.

    It’s a good thing that your husband has his eyes wide open, is getting involved, AND is taking action.

    Some parents these days refuse to stand up to their kids – it’s as if the parents are afraid of their own children or something. It’s to the childrens’ detriment, for parents to not get involved.

    When my son was in high school (he’s 25 now), I met many parents who kept their kids on a very loose rein, and some of those kids turned out OK, but some did not.

    I would say that, it would be very hard to see my adult child struggling with addictions or other life problems, and know that when that child was younger I did not do everything that I could have done, to help them find a healthier path.

    There are no guarantees in raising kids – some parents do EVERYTHING correctly, and still the kid turns out to be a hellion. Some parents are complete idiots, and refuse to confront their children, and still the children turn out OK.

    I agree with your husband on this one.

  • If I was a teenager, I would say absolutely not. I hated when my mom would suddenly strike up the urge to clean my room and would find all sorts of stuff in there I didnt want her to find. She would always tell me..If I kept my room clean then she wouldnt need to clean it and wouldnt find my journals or whatever else I was hiding. lol. But now that Im a mother I feel that teenagers tend to keep to themselves a lot, and sometimes in order to make sure they arent on the wrong path..it is necessary to do a little snooping. Its important to find out if they are doing the wrong things so we can lovingly correct them. If your husband gets caught, using the whole “its my house” will only spark anger in the teenager. Tobacco and porn isnt the worst thing possible for a 17 year old, so keep that in mind when thinking of punishment.

  • I understand that kids need/want their privacy, but like you said, his room was affecting the rest of the house. I don’t think twice about going into my 15yr old daughter’s room or on the computer. Its for her own safety. We have caught her talking to men in their 20’s online. Not that there was any perversion going on, but we feel it is unacceptable. Not with the way society is today, who knows they may end up stalking her (of course, so could a 15 yr old boy from her school).

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    Anyway, good for dad, I hope you talked to him about tobacco when you found it. The porn I would expect for a teenage boy, as long as it wasn’t some crazy stuff. LOL

  • How can this be snooping when it is your house lol!!

    We allow are kids to use those bedrooms, sure as a kid it was irritating when my mother would go into my room, BUT I was a kid, not a parent.

    If the kids would not give me a reason to go in there (I do not go through there stuff, just pick up if need be or fix whatever needs it. I do not care about porn, tobacco but I do care about bugs in soda cans, dirty dishes etc. )I am more then happy to stay out, but a snooper I am not.

    My house if kids do not like it, move…….

  • I feel privacy is something kids earn! If they are doing well in school and doing what they are supposed to do, then they have earned privacy. But if you suspect something or their grades go down or they are getting in trouble then they do not deserve privacy and searching there room is called for! YOU just need to make a rule that no food or drinks get taken into the bedroom, and I hope you MADE him clean up his room and spray for ants!! I don’t feel a messy rooom is a reason enough to do a search!

  • I think this is so wrong. I am 16 and if either of my parents went through my room I would go mental. We have things that are private. -not necesarily bad, just stuff that we don’t want others to go through. As a kid grows up they become more independant. This means they have things that are more their own and private.

    A lot of teenagers are lazy and leave stuff lying around, but that’s no excuse for you to go in there. Give him a warning, i know this sounds harsh, but the best one is “if you don’t tidy up after youreself get out of the house”. And please don’t let your hubby give the excuse “it’s my house”. Afterall, it’s your sons room. And if he says that to your son too much your risking your son leaving. This comes from personal experience. I would say “it’s my room” they would say “it’s my house” I said “well i won’t live in your house then”. This is not a good move.

    I am back with my parents now, and they do not bother me about my room, but I keep it tidy because I know what the consequences are.

    But seriously, finding your son’s porno can’t be very nice for you, your husband or your son. I mean, he’s 17. What would you do if you found condoms in his room?

    Tell him to keep his room tidy or get out. I wish I was told that, it would have saved a lot of trouble. or make him pay his keep. After all it is your house. BUT he does need his privacy.

    Hope this helps.

  • I believe 1% that a parent has the right and responcibility to monitor thier children. I would make it a point to target key things. Such as drugs, alcohol, uncleanliness. ANts in your home even if its in his room effects everyone who lives there. Drugs, tobacco and alcohol is a total deal breaker and I would watch out for those things. Reading a diary or coming in thier room without knocking is over doing it and makes them feel as if they have no personal space. But don’t feel guilty about trying to protect them. I dabbled in drugs when I was 16. And if my mom would have snooped, she would’ve found out and I may have gotten help. So sometimes I wish she would have.

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  • i think you should , as a good parent . my wife disagrees , she

    is naive , but i know a teen is always up to no good . it is what they do . we have a 16 year young boy , and a parent has the right to go in any room or snoop through anything in the house they pay for . ”don’t like it get a job and move out ”if your child

    gets mad at you then , guess what , !! you are doing your job !

  • oh most definately….the parents who don’t are the parents that really don’t want anything to do with their kids or the well being of their children. listen teenagers will be teenagers and it’s good to know you have a normal teenager (porn/tobacco products all normal for a teenage boy) AND thats what you’re checking on…to make sure he stays normal if you know what i mean. if you start finding crazy stuff like articles on the Virginia Tech murders, a facination with guns etc then you know there’s somehting really wrong and to get that boy help.

    Don’t consider what you’re doing as snooping…what you’re doing is helping you child. Teenagers are very influential…and you are preventing him from falling into the wrong crowd. So in essence…you’re doing your job as a parent…and that also goes for your 19 y/o. 19 year old will expertiment with drugs (it’s envitable…they’re young and dumb) the last thing you want is your 19 y/o selling or having drugs in your house…if he wants to live that lifestyle then tell him to move the F out…he’s an adult now..but as long as he’s living under your roof there rules to abid by…remember b/c you and your husband have the deed to your house you two are responsible for whatever goes under your roof…meaning if you are harboring a drug dealer etc whether he’s your son or not you get in trouble also. So by making you boys aware of your snooping you are ensuring they’re not going to start doing stuff they aren’t suppose too. you knwo what i’m saying…..listen my mom went through my room when i was teenager…and yes should have b/c i was doing stuff i should have. I got in trouble for it and it really made me a better person that she monitored me like that. i knew she cared….so i didn’t feel i needed to act out to get attention. and that’s what these kids do…they act out to get attention b/c theire parents didn’t show them they cared and loved by going through their rooms. get what i’m saying.

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