Any one else paranoid over their kids??

On my little girl’s 5th day at Primary School, age 4, I went to pick her up as I had done for the previous days. We all use to wait outside the classroom door, and being new mums’ at school most of us got there early. (It’s a big school 7 pupils)

I wasn’t worried or anxious I just used to wait for her to come out, The teacher would stand at the door and call the names out of the pupils.

On this day, I was waiting and waiting for her to call my little girl’s name out and to see her running towards me until I kinda realised that everyone was out.

I went up to the teacher and said Where’s Katie? And I saw her face drop. She said didn’t she come out?? Stupid question. The teacher thought she may have gone to the hall by mistake (as the first 3 days we picked up our children in the hall). She went to check but came back looking grey……….

I can honestly say that was and still has been the worst day of my life (over 2 and half years ago).

I ran out screaming into the play ground, not being able to see anything for my panic. My heart was just beating and I felt like my brain was actually spinning in my head. I remember collapsing in the middle of the play ground and then being phyiscally sick.

After about 15 mins of other parent’s searching for her and me just running around, there was no sign, and we called the Police, I remember all I kept thinking was that if she had been run over I could deal with that in some sort of way, but if she had been taken by someone I think I would have killed myself……

A futher 10 minutes later someone found her. She was all huddled up in a heap by the school office, crying her little eyes out (see I am crying now again!).

Apparently the school had left a fire door open in the classroom, which opened onto a different side of the playground, and when she was told to leave she could only see that door so went out into the junior playground.where shegot lost so went to the school office that she was shown on her first day,

That day has ruined my life…. I am constantly worried about her, and even now that she is in Year 2 I am there about 15-20 minutes early just so I can see her in the classroom.

I am the only mother that stays at Drama, Gymnastics and at B’day Parties…(in the car, she doesn’t know I stay at them)

I have had lots of arguments with my husband over it. If they go shopping on their own I keep ringing and texting him to make sure she is ok. If she stays at my mums I ring all the time.

I know that I should be stronger, and I am very aware of not letting her see me being over protective ……..but now I have experienced that feeling of loosing a child, I cannot bear to feel it again.

She is a very sensible girl and even at age 4 she knew she should go the school office….so I know I should trust her judgement…but its all the evil people out there

So in reply to your question, yes I think ( I know) I am on the boderlines of extreme paranoia, but you read all these stories of children being taken so I don’t know what to do. I keep thinking that they day that I conquer my fears and not be so obsessive about her is the day that something will happen.

Sorry to go on…..

Thanks for listening

PS I did go to my Dr to ask for help but he just told me I would get over it!

My wife is the same with our 2 children (now 23 & 25!!) and is very protective about when they are out of her sight.

This is a natural thing for a mother to be like BUT…don’t let it run your life or it WILL turn you into a very over protective motherand your daughter could resent your actions as the years go on.

YES, there are a lot of things that COULD happen to your daughter but, if you talk to her and make her aware, in a caring way, about the dangers of, say, talking to strangers, accepting sweets from people she doesn’t know, not going to places she can’t be seen, that sort of thing.

Most importantly, show her you trust her and she will take everything on-board and be careful where she goes and what she does. I’ve been through all of this over the years and it can wrecj the way she may grow up. You’ve got to give her space to make mistakes and not rely on you 24 hours a day.

She’ll make you proud of her…if you give her the sapce and trust, believe me.

Certainly, have your concerns but let her grow in her own way. She’ll be fine, I’m sure.

The reason you hear about it all the time now is because there is 24 hour news and that is a lot of time to fill. This is why every paedophile story gets in there because there is time to cover it and of course bad news sells.

There was as much child abuse when I was a kid, it just didn’t get reported. Partly for the lack of time and partly due to our sensibilities to such stories. Things have changed, although not necessarily for the worse.

We were told not to talk to strangers or accept lifts/sweets from anyone when I was a child. hings haven’t changed. The problem comes from children having greater freedoms and perceived rights while parents sit at home and worry. If you are worried about kids, don’t buy them a mobile phone and keep them where you can see them. Otherwise, they wil do the same as they ever have and do things you wouldn’t like and go places you would prefer you didn’t and then lie about it.

You are right to be worried about your children, but paranoia will damage them. Get over it. They have to grow up and if you wrap them in cotton wool, they won’t thank you and you will live to regret it.

No I am not, I AM however paranoid about other peoples kids.

I know where my kids are 24/7. However some parents chuck their kids out as soon as they come home from school, and tell them not to come back till late, and i am not just talking about 15 / 16 year olds, i recently witnessed a 6 yr old girl at a chip shop buying food for the family, she was holding a £20 note in her hand at all time so anyone can see. I can just imagine that they mum and dad where too busy watching the most recent reality tv proggramme and scratching themselves.

This country is the Pikey capital of the world, the thing is it is the mums and dads of the 50’s/60’s that did not bring up their kids properly so they ( now parents themselves ) are evening worse, and this trend will continue as the laws get more ridiculous, some of these kids just need a good slap!!!

I don’t think you are paranoid or overprotective. Yes the media plays a hand, but the world has changed and the media just capitalizes on it. Compare murder or rape rates from 25 years ago to now, it’s worse. I also believe it has to do with a population growth to many areas that used to be rural areas. Living in cities and big towns are more dangerous than say an area where you don’t even get tv reception (as another person commented). I live in a relatively small town but I still watch my kids like a hawk. It’s not necessarily kidnapping I’m worried about, more like them getting hit by a car by some jerk flying up the road. I do wonder if I am overly paranoid at times so I am glad you asked this and have so many people respond in a similar fashion so I know I’m not alone!

You are not alone and all mothers feel this way. I am only too glad that I am no longer the mother of a young child. That having been said, my son is serving in Afghanistan so the worry goes on. I dont’ think it ever ends for a mother

That having been said I think we can go too far, thereby placing our own fears onto our children. When push comes to shove, most children are killed by members of their own family. Abductions are actually few and far between. As long as you have trained your children not to talk to strangers and certainly not get into a car with one you must give them some freedom. It is painful, yes, and it’s worrying but if you don’t do this you are hampering their development. Ultimately, they must learn to look after themselves. You are, however, doing exactly the right thing at the moment. Just give it time.

The media publishes more and more of these stories because that is what sells. As said, the problems have always been there it is just the awareness that has increased. And I think children are definitely suffering because of it.

The media is getting ever more sensationalist and stories like abduction and kidnapping gets people’s attention. They tune in to the channels or buy the newspapers. How many people would read a newspaper where every story is about how normal everything is?

I know you are worried for your child, but I think this is natural. But you can’t protect them forever and I think in some respects they need to grow up on their own, learn and find things out for themselves.

Obviously, you can never be too careful – teach them right from wrong, never talk to strangers, don’t get in a car with someone you don’t know, make sure they know what phone numbers to call in an emergency. But there is such a thing as being over protective.

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Wasn’t it like that when we were kids? Or did we just not notice. Maybe our parents were just as manic. Well I know my mother was, she was about 20 times more paranoid about us than we are about our kids. And we all turned out OK I think. It can be a horrible and dangerous world out there, obviously you need to take sensible precautions regarding your child’s safety, but worrying yourself into an early grave won’t actually prevent anything happening.

I think the key is balance. We should teach our children to be cautious and to know how to protect themselves whilst at the same time assuring them that 99 percent of people are really nice and won’t do them any harm.

My children are 16 and 19 now and are both studying in England. We live in Spain which is where they spent part of their teens. Things are different here. It’s not at all unusual to see groups of young teenagers, 13 and 14 year olds, wandering the streets at 1am. I taught my girls how to stay safe. Not to accept drinks from strangers, never leave their drinks unattended, never travel by taxi alone, always make sure their mobiles had credit and battery power. You have to let them go eventually, it’s best they know how to handle it when that happens.

I used to be paranoid like that, and to a certain extent, I still am. The first time I took my little girl to a county fair I was so paranoid that some strange person was going to come up and snatch her from me. So I was nervous and scared the whole time we were there and neither of us really enjoyed ourselves. What helped me get over this was the realization that millions of people take their kids to fairs and amusement parks every year and there are very few reports of kidnappings. Security is everywhere these days.

However I have yet to let my 5 year old girl go to the bathroom by herself in a restaurant even though I know she will be fine. Every time I hear about Amber alerts it seems that the child was lured into a bathroom by a stranger and then kidnapped or worse. So my overprotective paranoia is over public restrooms.

Will it cause her to be overly paranoid too? I don’t know, but I hope that she will use common sense and her better judgement when she grows up.

Problems have been around since the year dot but it’s the media today causing so much panic. I have 2 boys, one 5 and the other is 8. I worry like mad.

Because of the material available to pervs and how quickly it can be obtained (internet), maybe more pervs are appearing. Also, they tend to have more human rights than the victims !!

Bad news sells. You will hear about the 2 yr old girl being killed as quick as a flash, but you won’t hear that little Tommy had a nice time on the swings in the park with mummy.

I don’t think you can be too paranoid where your children are concerned,i have two,a lad of 11 and a baby girl 10mths,my son has not been in secondary school long,and last week was held up at the bus stop by another child,same age,with a knife,the thing is you can warn your kids of strangers,don’t get in cars,don’t accept sweets,tell someone if any adult touches you and it makes you feel uncomfortable,till your blue in the face,but what if its other kids who are the perpetrators,look what happened to poor james bulger,the memory of what that little lad went through will stay with me forever,and this was at the hands of children,pure evil,both out now,both free to do as they please,then the government wonder why people take the law into their own hands,children are not protected not by the law or social services,how often do you see on the front of the news paper,another pair of innocent eyes looking back,only to find out their dead,usually acompanied with,’another child who slipped by the system’,how many more need to be brutally violated before they see that their so called justice system doesn’t work.Be paranoid and dont take your eyes off your kids for a second,in the long run its only the parents who can protect them.