how to recognise an abusive behaviour of a long distance boyfriend?

I am having a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for over a year now. I was with him last month when he went home for a vacation. we had petty arguments on those times. One time we were at a disco club and we had an argument. It escalated and he pinched my hips really hard that I cried. I broke up with him after the fight because I was afraid that he might be an abusive person. but we got back after he apologized. he said he did not pinch me out of anger. He just did that because he was feeling helpless that I refuse to see his side. there was also a time when we were having a chat at SKYPE and had a fight about something. He became really mad at me. he threw his cellphone and it accidentally hit the screen of his MAC laptop causing damage to the poor thing. are these signs of an abusive person? hes back abroad now and its quite difficult for me to assess his behavior fully because of the distance between us. he denied that he is an abusive person when I confronted him. he said hes not that type of person. how do I really know if this is true or not? He has an ex wife by the way, is it also a good idea to ask her? the problem is that she might make up horrid stories about him out of jealousy or might not tell the truth due to do i deal?

? Favorite Answer

  • I feel like going behind his back to speak with an ex-wife may be backhanded, and I’d use that only in a more extreme circumstance.

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    He has abused you before…the hips thing is still abuse, (“He just did that because he was feeling helpless that I refuse to see his side.” just because it wasn’t anger doesn’t mean it wasn’t abuse.) That still doesn’t mean he’s abusive overall. We live and learn from mistakes, and as long as he learned from that…well…we’ll see.

    I think he definitely has an anger management problem. He needs to get that dealt with for sure, and in doing so, he may discover he is abusive. Throwing objects is -not- the rational way to get anger out at all.

    You are right to scrutinize this behavior. I hope it does not continue, but if it does, do not be afraid to reach out for more formal help.

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