We've been dating 5 years, She says marry me or it's over. What kind of ultimatum is that?

Obviously if your lady has to give you an ultimatum to marry her after five years, you are not that serious about her. Good on her for waking up to the fact that you could be with her out of convenience. If you want to be with this woman, then her wanting a commitment shouldn’t be a problem right?

She has every right to expect a commitment from you..if you want to keep your options open in the hopes something better comes along..stop using your gf and let her go so she can find a guy that does love and respect her and will want to share the rest of his life with only her. The game is over, so give it up and propose or set her free, so she can find someone that will value her.

83

Dating For 5 Years

Source(s): https://shrinke.im/a09s3

It’s the kind that is a relationship breaker. Ultimatums do not work. If you haven’t married her by now there is probably a good reason why. If you marry her because she threatens that she will break up with you if you don’t, you are headed for a life of being walked all over. And that is not what a relationship or marriage is about. It’s about two people who love each other and want to be together whether there is a ring involved or not. In the end, it is not going to matter that she did or didn’t have a ring on her left hand, but that she spent her life with someone who truly cared about her. As the old saying goes, money can’t buy love!

You’re in an interesting situation. But come on man! It’s been 5 years! Don’t you think you know by now if this is the girl you want to marry. She obviously knows she wants to marry you. Are you afraid of commitment?

But, on the other hand, I think ultimatums like this are bad. They usually don’t turn out well. So what happens now that she has given you this ultimatum? If you propose, then it’s going to be because she threatened you and you don’t want to lose her. But if you don’t then you lose her.

I say you’ve been together long enough. You need to make a decision. If you know she’s the one, then propose. If she’s not, then let her go.

Well, it depends a whole lot on your age. If you’re 20 you’re too young, and it’s a ridiculous ultimatum–move on. If you’re 25, it’s a more reasonable request, but ask her to be patient, and move on if she isn’t willing. If you’re 30 or more, and you’ve been dating for five years, then she’s a smart lady who’s merely stating the obvious. You’ve had plenty of time to get to know her and plenty of time to grow up, and you need to make a decision one way or the other. I’m not saying marry her if you don’t love her; you won’t be doing anyone any favors if you do that, believe me. But if you love her, then don’t let her go.

If this just popped out of the blue and you’ve never discussed marriage before, then yeah, it is a bit harsh. If that is the case, then your gf probably should have brought it up in a more gentle manner. However, if you’ve discussed the issue before and have known that she wants to get married, and has for some time, then I’d say it’s spot on. If you’re not ready to take the next step that she wants or needs to take, then she should move on.

If you have serious issues with or misgivings about marriage, see a counselor and see if you can work things out. And keep the communication lines open with your gf! Let her know what you’re doing and that you’re doing it because you don’t want to lose her. If you absolutely, positively cannot abide the thought of marriage, then I’d suggest seeking out someone who is like-minded, because I gotta say…you’re probably not going to change your gf’s mind on this one. And while I certainly respect any couple’s decision not to get married and still have a life together, I don’t understand the fear of marriage. Marriage is great, nothing to fear.

Source(s): My source? Just celebrated nine years of marriage, heh!

That sounds like she’s out of patience with you. You didn’t say if it’s the first time you’ve talked about marriage, but usually an ultimatum isn’t the first conversation. It sounds like you need to decide if you want to marry her or not. And 5 years is long enough to figure that out.

A good one! She’s saying “sh*t or get off the pot!”

If you’ve been together five years, then she needs to know where the two of you are going in life. She needs to know whether it’s worth her time and efforts to stay in this relationship that may end up going no where. Marriage is obviously on her agenda, and if it’s not on yours, she needs to know that so she can start looking elsewhere for a man that will make her dreams come true.

Let me put this in a way that maybe you will get. Lets say you are working for a company and you have been there for 5 years. You are doing everything that is asked of you, probably doing more, and you still haven’t got a promotion. BUT everyone else around you are getting promotions and they are doing the same job as you just as good or maybe worse than you do. You would most likely go to the boss and demand a promotion for all the hard work you have done or you will quit!

Ya get what I mean? Hope this helps a little.

71

It probably means that she loves you, wants to spend the rest of her life with you, but probably thinks that you are unable to take that last step towards commitment. If you haven’t popped the question after five years I really don’t think that you will on your own. It’s too easy just to skate along as you have without the legal binder of lawful marriage. If you can’t or don’t love her enough to exchange vows with her then let her go – she may feel feel that she’s wasting time with you at this point in her life. Whatever you decide I wish you only the best.