I’ve been dating this woman for 3 months.She has a 10 year old son, and a 14 year old daughter. The problem i’m having is that her son does no wrong in her eyes.She will get onto him, and when she does he throws a temper tantrum, by crying and throwing things. She tell’s him to go to his room, and he will walk in there and right back out. When he does this she hugs him and tells him that she loves him, and she’s sorry.She attends all his school activities, but not her daughters.This just p$##@$ me off.She never tell’s her that she loves her or rarely spends anytime with her, it’s all about him.He even sleeps in the bed with her at night time, which is kinda weird to me.Me and her daughter get along so well. She always tells me hey and by when she leaves for school.I’ve grown attached to her but don’t know how to tell her mom that she is screwing up by the way she treats him and her.I love her very much, and we plan on getting married in March of 29…Someone please help…
Update:
Well her daughter is real quite and shy. except around me.She goes everywhere I go in the house and is always talking to me. I’ve tried talking to my gf a couple of weeks ago about this ,and she made the statement “Am I a bad mom”, I told her no she isn’t.She takes care of them.Her daughter has to wake herself up, get her brother up and get him ready for school while she lays in bed.It’s kinda hard to be there for them because I work nights and don’t get home until, about 30 minutes before the go to school.I spend alot of time with her son to, because me and him have alot in common.I have only mentioned this to her one time and not since then, but it’s getting worse.Her daughter never says anything about the situation, and why I don’t know.I’m kinda stuck between a rock and a hard place.She tells me that her kids love me to death and have never been this way towards any one of her past bf’s before.They even tell her to marry me.Which makes me feel good about the situation.
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well here’s the thing first off you need to be very delicate when approaching this situation. but first off you have only been dating her for 3 months and she has two kids. not to be insulting but why are you dating her unless you have kids of your own, no offense dude but your a sucker, i wouldn’t date a girl that had a kid.
anyway
i think you should simply bring it to her attention she may not even realize shes doing it
also if she is the youngest in her family and didn’t get any attention there is probably some deep rooted physiological problems
an other thing you need be sure of is that you don’t end up picking the girl over the boy you have to stat neutral as far as the kids are concerned
I’m assuming that since he sleeps with her that you don’t live at the house yet honestly i would move in before y’all got married and after three years if your still together then get married instant families are hard to get into cause you now have 2 kids calling you daddy and your not on the birth certificate
but back to the subject at hand
like i said be delicate when you approach this there hers kids and shes going to raise them the way she sees fit and no one is going to change that not even you
suggest to her that you want to spend some time with the boy and she should spend time with the girl and that would be a good start
next time she does something like that ask her (in private) why shes lets him walk all over her this will piss her off and she will start yelling at let and when she stops say
“baby look i don’t wanna fight about this just think about what i said and come talk to me when your done”
then leave don’t call nothing she will eventually realize your right and then ask you how to fix it or shell break the hole thing off and you don’t have to worrier about it anymore
oh and if he walks in and out of his room for punishment and trows a fit to get what he wants what do you think is going to happen when mommy says he cant sleep with her anymore and he wants to then it will be a battle between you and the boy
if you want more advice let me know
my e mail [email protected]
If you bring this up, do it very tactfully. People get offended easily when you’re talking about their kids. Just do something like this: the next time the girl has a school function ask the mother if she plans to go. If she says no, tell her you think it would mean a lot to the daughter. If the daughter had a huge problem with the way things are, she would probably talk to the mom about it herself.
I know how you feel my SIL is the same way but in reverse. She ignores her son(first born) and gives all her attention to her daughter. Thank the lord for my mom their grandmother is there to help balance it out. You just need to be there for the girl. Pay them both some attention but give a little more to the girl. Also you might suggest family counseling as a way to prepare the family for the up coming marriage. Hope this helps.
Be careful with this one. You could really start something that you can’t finish! The next time her daughter has a function, ask her questions about it. For example, if she has a band concert, ask her what time you have to be there. If she says she not going, say “Really? (Daughter’s name) will be really disappointed if we miss it! She’s been practicing so much”! If your soon to be step daughter is willing to discuss it with you, ask her to discuss it with her Mom. Maybe your fiance doesn’t realize that she is doing this because her daughter is so much more independent that her son!
I agree, just suggest to go to the daughters activities and try your hardest to be there for her….but, don’t go overboard the mom will see this too, she will think you are partial to the girl then try to compensate even more with the boy…..hopefully she goes through with marrying you or who knows how long the boy would sleep with her…lol. GL
You are her boyfriend. You need to talk to her openly and feel like you can do so before you even think about getting married, especially in matters dealing with children.