Thoughts On This Quote?

Sixteen. I’m sort of an aspiring writer. I aim to evoke an emotional response. I was in Geometry today when I wrote this out of no where:

“I guess I figure, even if you’re not going to college, you can choose to understand the value of an education- which is not as readily available around the world- or you can choose to ignore it. Ignore it, and what? You’re saying yes to closed concepts. Less knowledge, less change. Basically, everything that’s wrong with our world.

All that seems irrelevant when you’re staring blankly at a quiz question about the French Revolution, or falling asleep during a lecture in CWP. But the scary truth is, it’s all related. These thing matter because they teach us to be aware, and adapt to new ideas. Forward thinking. As an alternate, consider living in a world where nobody applied new concepts; goodbye internet. Goodbye iPhone. Goodbye technology, scientific innovations.

Don’t vote for that. Don’t support stationery ideas, finite limits to knowledge. Vote for learning. Vote for the future.”

Please, any feedback appreciated!

? Favorite Answer

  • I hope this doesn’t hurt your feelings, but you need to clean up some stuff here. Most of them are little things.

    For example, say “nowhere,” it’s one word. Try also to write in complete sentences. And I think you mean “stationary.”

    “These thing matter” should be “These things matter.”

    And most importantly, I don’t really get your idea as a whole (if it even exists). Right now you’re throwing random bursts of thinking out there. You need to be more coherent in getting ideas across. Using complete sentences will help.

    See also  Help with poetry explication?

    The best thing to do is read and write everyday!

    Good luck!

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