What do you think about this poem I wrote about music?

The music is the mourning, silent cries,

The passionate heart’s divine melodies

To lift the silken veil of hypocrisies

The nets that the soul into evil entice.

A fiery Hell amongst a paradise

Of flowers blue and gold, like memories

Unfaithful, that the beauty shall increase

Until above wordly cares my soul can rise.

And if the faithful turn truly faithless

And beauty were evil, I shall not bend knee

Or forgive the foe until seven times seven.

And if my soul must suffer measureless

My tears shall turn to gold in holy alchemy

And my soul, an earthly piece of heaven.

It is in the classical sonnet form…..

Tell me what do you think about it?

✅ Answers

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  • This work is full of abstraction, and oddly enough little music, which is counter to the very meaning of sonnet.

    “As with any metre, it is not necessary that every line should be entirely slavish in following the rhythm; in fact, being so could make the poem sound dull. Swapping, dropping or adding stressed and unstressed syllables will lend variety to a line without changing the underlying rhythm.” *

    Tim Steele’s “All the Fun’s in How you say a Thing” may be a good resource as you learn, reading good poems being written in form and meter written today, may help as well.

    Etruscans by Susan Gubernat

    The woman, wool-capped, filthy, knelt beside

    a man asleep at the curb, so tenderly—

    well, what can I say but that I envied

    them in my full belly. I’ve never wrapped

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    my chest in newspaper or begged for change

    with a Styrofoam cup, or slept on the street.

    And I welled up with self-pity. I’m safe,

    I’m warm, I’m alone. My donor’s card reads:

    Take the whole body, the body entire,

    leave nothing behind for burial. The stone couples

    lean against each other, and in the tomb

    a queen’s dust merges with her king’s—the sweet,

    the bitter—an apothecary’s mixture

    to salve the horror of eternity.

    ****

    Poetry does not have to rhyme, but rhythm is important.

    You must read as much as you can and as many different styles as you can, classic and contemporary; free verse and structured forms. Two good anthologies: Staying Alive, Real poems for Unreal Times edited by Neil Astley and Garrison Keillor’s Good Poems. Two books on writing that will help guide you are Mary Oliver’s A Poetry Handbook and The Poetry Home Repair Kit from Ted Kooser.

    There are many good sites on line where you can read poetry daily or browse the archives:

    Academy of Americans Poets

    Poetry Daily

    Verse Daily

    The Writer’s Almanac

    Ploughshares

    Rattle

    Poetry

    Poetry Foundation

    Source(s): * http://www.poetryarchive.org/poetryarchive/glossar…
    http://www.ohioswallow.com/book/All+the+Fun%E%%…
    http://www.cortlandreview.com/features//december…

  • The first and only solid thing that came to mind reading this, was “Dâia de los Muertos”

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