me and my husband dated about 2 years before we got married.and he had been a bad smoker before we married also. but i wanted him to quit ,so he said as a wedding present he would quit for me and i thought o how sweet.well its been almost a year that we were married and he and i have had lots of problems that involved other pepole and him lying alot to me.i told him that i wasnt his slave and that he needed to stop treating me like one in the marriage .and he really changed since we got married.well about two nights ago he took our 8 month old son for a ride to sleep in the car cause we were arguing and he said im going to go buy a pack of cigarretes and i said ok do whatever..thinking that he wouldnt and would rething it over. well when he returned he said he didnt buy any and i said thats good. and so when the next night rolled around …..we were arguing about the dishes and that he needed to help me with them, well he decides to go to bed and leave me with the dishes all alone and then i got mad and upset and when he went to bed i decided to go take a ride in the car. when i got in the car i was on my cell and something fell on my foot. it was a pack of cigs,,and i couldnt belive it…he hadnt smoked for soooooo long and now i find out that hed been doing it all along!! i dunno what to do…thers been so many lies and i feel like im wanting to just leave and take our son and never come back. what should i do??
Open Question
Worry about fixing what caused him to by a pack of cigarettes not make another issue out of the cigarettes. If a doctor merely treated symptoms and not the underlying cause, a person would be sick forever.
You guys can’t get along and youre worried about cigarettes? You should be concerned about the relationship, or a divorce. You two aren’t going to last at this rate.
Unfortunately you entered this arrangement knowing he smoked. Trying to change someone when they don’t want to is trying to teach a pig to whistle; it wastes your time and it annoys the pig.
It seems the biggest issue is trust. That can be difficult to regain. I wish you the best of luck.
it sounds to me like your problems dont merit you just packing up and leaving…
1) drop the smoking issue. he smoked when you met him, you prolly guilted him into promising you to quit, and didnt want to hurt you when he couldnt. let the man smoke if he wants to. just have him do it outside or somethin
2) the other issues can be solved by marriage counseling. try that before leaving. your marriage def sounds savable
He hasn’t successfully quit because he wasn’t doing it for himself. He offered to quit for you, not for him, and that never works.
If you have never smoked then its hard for you to understand !!
Its as hard to stop smokin as it is sayin to an alcoholic sayin dont have another drink or someone who takes drugs !! it is an addiction an if u can an are able to give it up any stress in your life an its the first thing you turn to !!
Your problems are trivial. Talk to one another. He shouldn’t be quitting smoking for you; he should do it for himself. There are prescriptions out there that do work; have him try it if he really wants to quit.
Now; you have a young child. Don’t give up on your marriage because of these issues. Lead by example to your child on how married people are suppose to act. If you don’t know; put a list of things you expect of yourself and your spouse. Have your hubby do the same.
Frankly, you sound a bit on the immature side to me. Every problem you mention is something that HE is doing wrong in your opinion. And your response to his comment in the car that he was going to buy a pack of cigarettes sounds like a little girl pouting to get her way.
No one is going to quit smoking, drinking, etc. unless they want to. They’re not going to do it just because YOU want them to.
Is he really treating you like his personal slave? How many hours a week does he work outside the house and how many do you? If you both work the same amount of hours outside the house, or you work more, then there should definitely be a division of housework/childcare. If you don’t work outside the house then don’t expect a whole lot of help from him. Some, yes. A lot, no.
You say that he’s been lying to you. He shouldn’t. But, based on your whole explanation of the situation, I have to wonder if maybe he isn’t doing it as a form of self defense. Is he doing it to avoid a temper tantrum or display of pouting from you?
I think marriage counseling might do your relationship a lot of good and could save it. I also recommend individual counseling for both of you.