Can somebody critique my narrative poem about Life of Pi?

This is the poem:

Pi was a boy who believed in all Gods

He believed in the beauty of all that he saw

His family happily owned a zoo

When they had no choice but to move somewhere new.

With his family he took a trip

Only to lose them to the sinking ship

After that terrible night he awoke

To find a tiger called Richard Parker in his boat

Richard Parker growled, hissed and roared

As Pi realized he could no longer stay aboard.

He knew the Tiger was strong as steal

And feared an Indian vegetarian boy would be his last meal.

Pi prayed to God for strength and hope

“Mama, Papa, Ravi!” he choked.

When Pi could hardly take it any longer

He decided to show Richard Parker he’s stronger.

When Richard Parker fell off the boat

The helpless Tiger was sinking for it could not float.

Pi had the power to let it die

But just the thought of doing that made him breakdown and cry.

He pulled Richard Parker with all his might

And the Tiger’s respect for Pi now reached a new height.

The tiger Pi thought would be his end

Turned out to be his faithful friend.

When both were sick, starving and weak

Their luck began to reach a new peak.

They were washed on to a Mexican beach

Where Richard Parker left Pi just out of his reach.

Pi wept, yelled, and cried

He knew his friend Richard Parker will never return to his side.

A group of people found him weeping in the sand

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And took him to the hospital where his recovery began.

When interviewers came to ask Pi about the sunken ship

They did not believe his story about his miraculous trip.

Pi grew up to be successful and bright

And he still dreams of Richard Parker every night.

When he told his story I thought it was odd

But to him it is a story that will make you believe in God.

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  • Some of your rhymes are a little too obvious or don’t have enough syllables between them, and a few lines don’t have the right ammount of syllables.

    Try writing a line and then running through the ammount of syllables you need by replacing them with Da’s.

    Ex:

    A man with silver eyes, I did see today,

    Da da da da da dada da da da da da da

    See how that flows better? In this particular poem that I wrote, the next line was “his silhouet was striking against the silver bay”

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    Yes Ma’am ma! AMEN! thank you! you know I needed this….yes? we all needed this!

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