how to make my poem better?

i am writing poetry in literacy this term and i had to write this poem. i was just wondering if i should change anything to make it sound better and not dumb i was really hoping on getting a + on this. BTW im in th grade

I am just living my life

I wonder why this world is so full of hate

I hear the joy in people

I see beauty in everyone

I want to have no regrets in life

I am just living my life

I pretend that everything is fine even when it’s not

I feel the warmth in others hearts

I touch the fear and it is as cold as ice

I worry that my plans will crumble

I cry for the suffering

I am just living my life

I understand that there may be grief

I say that everyone should be their happiest

I dream of a world where no one gets hurt

I try to keep an open mind

I hope I will die happy

I am just living my life

Update:

i changed it….

I am my weird and beautiful self

I wonder why this world is so full of hate

I hear the joy in people

I see beauty in everything

I want to have no regrets

I am my weird and beautiful self

I pretend that everything is fine even when it’s not

I feel the warmth in others hearts

I touch the fear and it is as cold as ice

I worry that I might lose my loved ones

I cry for the suffering

I am my weird and beautiful self

I understand that there may be grief

I say that everyone should be their happiest

See also  Does this poem have emotional impact?

I dream of a world where no one gets hurt

I try to keep an open mind

I hope I will die happy

I am my weird and beautiful self

✅ Answers

🥇 Favorite Answer

  • When I repeat words or phrases at the start of I each line

    I am sawing my poem in half

    When I repeat words or phrases, I am abandoning the effort at creating my own structure

    When I do, I am beating the reader over the head with a phrase

    When it isn’t a “brilliant” one it comes off annoying and dull.

    When I do this I am proving that Walt Whitman is a crime to teach to public school children

    When I am done the reader feels ripped off.

    When I read your piece, the words are fine

    When I read you piece it doesn’t sound dumb

    But when every line starts the same, well how did this just feel?

    When I is slightly more interesting than plain old “I” statements

    When a teachers says to write this way they are dumbing you down rather than educating you.

    When I — Good Luck!

    Source(s): Did you notice about or six lines in the “when I” made you stop reading?

  • I like it as is.

    Hope this helps.

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