i am writing poetry in literacy this term and i had to write this poem. i was just wondering if i should change anything to make it sound better and not dumb i was really hoping on getting a + on this. BTW im in th grade
I am just living my life
I wonder why this world is so full of hate
I hear the joy in people
I see beauty in everyone
I want to have no regrets in life
I am just living my life
I pretend that everything is fine even when it’s not
I feel the warmth in others hearts
I touch the fear and it is as cold as ice
I worry that my plans will crumble
I cry for the suffering
I am just living my life
I understand that there may be grief
I say that everyone should be their happiest
I dream of a world where no one gets hurt
I try to keep an open mind
I hope I will die happy
I am just living my life
Update:
i changed it….
I am my weird and beautiful self
I wonder why this world is so full of hate
I hear the joy in people
I see beauty in everything
I want to have no regrets
I am my weird and beautiful self
I pretend that everything is fine even when it’s not
I feel the warmth in others hearts
I touch the fear and it is as cold as ice
I worry that I might lose my loved ones
I cry for the suffering
I am my weird and beautiful self
I understand that there may be grief
I say that everyone should be their happiest
I dream of a world where no one gets hurt
I try to keep an open mind
I hope I will die happy
I am my weird and beautiful self
✅ Answers
? Favorite Answer
When I repeat words or phrases at the start of I each line
I am sawing my poem in half
When I repeat words or phrases, I am abandoning the effort at creating my own structure
When I do, I am beating the reader over the head with a phrase
When it isn’t a “brilliant” one it comes off annoying and dull.
When I do this I am proving that Walt Whitman is a crime to teach to public school children
When I am done the reader feels ripped off.
When I read your piece, the words are fine
When I read you piece it doesn’t sound dumb
But when every line starts the same, well how did this just feel?
When I is slightly more interesting than plain old “I” statements
When a teachers says to write this way they are dumbing you down rather than educating you.
When I — Good Luck!
Source(s): Did you notice about or six lines in the “when I” made you stop reading?
I like it as is.
Hope this helps.