Can someone give me their opinion on this poem?

My hero doesn’t wear a cape

or battle mythical creatures,

He doesn’t have wings

or superhuman strength,

but my hero is brave

and has battled against other things.

He has fought for our country

and stands tall over the rest.

If you were to see him in a room,

I’m sure you could pick him out

Short hair, neat uniform

My hero is a United States Marine.

Update:

By the way, I am only in high school and this is the first poem I have ever written and it’s for a class, it doesn’t have to be more than amateur

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  • Cloying, I’d rather see the marine, see a real person, know the intricacies of the man and why you have labeled him hero, which is an oft used and worn word and needs more than just this tiny work.

    Are you familiar with Brian Turner? He’s a poet who has written of his war experience and shows the men and women he worked with, lived with and in many cases saw die, with all their depth of being human and heroic.

    This is a nice little thing one would expect in a newsletter, attached to a command’s page. As far as good poetry, it has some miles to go.

    Source(s): http://www.brianturner.org/sections/new-poems/

  • `When I see him in a room,

    His courage stands out like a crest.

    Neat haircut, record and uniform clean –

    My hero`s a United States Marine`.

    I`ve tweaked this a little to keep the metre in flow –

    you can likely tweak in more suitably.

    Not bad at all , for an amateur first effort

    See also  what are the topics of shakespeare's sonnets?

    for an assignment

    – I`d mark this as a B+, personally!

    Good poem..Good Luck!

  • God bless those who fight, die or are maimed to defend our country, but I miss being able to say “defend our freedom” because what was won at Iwo Jima, Gettysburg and Yorktown was surrendered on Wall Street, Ground Zero and Washington D. C..

    Poem is sugary and amateur. If I were a soldier I would want better.

  • There can be no limits for this, to add more horrific, self experienced moments. I lost a cousin, a Marine, more like a big brother to me, and he did come home draped in our flag. I don’t think you really need anymore reminders but in checking this and other songs, I can’t help but cry.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGhzOvhDGp

    this

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LeGEz_nsI

    and so many more.

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