I’m 16 and my boyfriend is 17, and whenever we’re kissing or even sitting together, I flinch when he touches me (not in a sexual way he just puts his arm around my waist or something). I was physically abused by my parents when I was younger (I’m not sure if it was physical abuse but they would hit me if I did something wrong – sometimes they’d just come up to me and slap me / pull my hair suddenly and not tell me what I’d done until afterwards). I think now it’s just become a reflex reaction to think my boyfriend will hurt me if he touches me. I’ve sat him down and tried to explain to my boyfriend what happened when I was younger and that I’m trying to get past it, but it’s really ruining our relationship. What can I do? It’s not like either of us are thinking about sex here – I’m talking normal closeness with him just holding me or something…
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I would suggest talking with a counselor. Its normal that you would have these issues without any professional help. Hopefully if you tell your boyfriend you will try to get help he can be understanding about it and have some patience. Jamie rie is right, if you let him touch you, it will help you build trust. You won’t associate touching with violence anymore, and ultimately it will help you get past your past. That with counseling can really help you and your relationship.
you poor dear, first off you are very mature to be analyzing this situation so correctly at such a young age. physical abuse, in any form, leave a residual lingering spiritual mark that is hard to cure, if your boyfriend is patient enough and worthy of your trust, you heart will find means to thrust him but above all u need to trust yourself to allow someone to touch you and enjoy the intimacy, i wont lie..ain’t easy but it can be done, good luck dear
this may be weird, but i believe the only way you will be able to get over that is if you have your boyfriend touch you a lot. like i said, weird, but if he touches you, you will become more comfortable with it.
It is natural to act that way. eventually you will get used to it but you can’t rush it unless you completely trust him. it will take a while. it just takes getting used to
be yourself
if you are frigid don’t people pressure you into things you are not ready for