I am a 29 years old male. I was diagnosed first with ADHD-C when I was 10. Earlier this year I went for re-evaluation to understand my short-comings and my ADHD-C was once again the diagnosis.
I have problems with concentration primarily. If there is something I need to be doing, say the laundry, my mind will be so easily distracted from this mundane task that it will never get done (or get done hours when anyone else could of done it). On the contrary though I also have HYPERFOCUS when it comes to things I enjoy; like I enjoy researching why my brain works the way it does and I could do this for days without sleep or food.
I also have issues with verbal instructions/conversations. If the person talking talks too fast or on multiple topics at once I will be unable to process what’s said and “keep up”. But that doesn’t stop someone from expecting a response so I often assume most of what was said and impulsively say what’s on my mind because they expect an answer. Some people see a person who waits to speak as being insincere and looking for a good lie (which is not the case for me; I’m just slow).
I also can’t learn verbally. This is why teachers who prefer to TALK to their classroom instead of show it on the board had issues with me getting bad grades. I am a visual learner and learn best by doing or watching than thinking and hearing… Reading was especially hard for me because reading is only you being verbal to yourself (in your head or out loud); so if you can’t learn verbally by a teacher, how can you learn verbally by yourself??? It doesn’t work without help…
If you can’t learn something then you can’t memorize it either. I couldn’t do multiplication until I was SHOWN how the multiplication was happening.
Because I couldn’t memorize verbal/written rules, the only way I could “follow directions” is if I imitated everyone around me. Imitation is where the self harm and self rejection comes from because the ADHD person (me in this case) realizes that you are different and things that others find easy are hard for you because of your impairments that you have and the other person doesn’t. Since most of society is based on how well we snap into these tightly defined roles, being unable to learn or behave a certain way will definitely cause you to be an outcast.
We are extremely in tune with our environment and (unknowingly) we’re constantly looking for ANYTHING to escape mundane or complex tasks. This is where the “Oh look, something shiny” comes from. My wife has ADHD-PI so she’ll get trapped in her head and lose track of time when she wants to escape something mundane. We don’t escape on purpose, it’s an unconscious thing and happens without us even knowing it; this is the thing people don’t understand because most people think they are in control of their thoughts, but not someone with ADHD…
Lastly, I have constant mood swings. This isn’t a result of the ADHD itself but instead how people treat me because of my ADHD difficulties. It seems our society is very quick to form expectations without considering what others are going through or what they are capable of doing. We constantly treat each other with a measuring stick that sizes each other up to expectations that we were held up to. But no two humans are created the same so why the hell do we do this???
As far as the bad parenting concept that these ADHD kids are “spoiled” or “undisciplined” or “unruly because of bad parents” I can debunk this for you. I’ve spent more time over my mom’s knee getting spanked and getting my hair pulled out and smacked than I’m sure most of you. My Mother was convinced that my “acting out” was intentional and she needed to “break my will” so that I would stop intentionally acting out.. Her abuse got more, and more, and more violent. Her insults and her controlling demeanor wasn’t “putting me in my place” like her fellow parents suggested it would; instead, what she did was create fear in me that everyone was going to treat me this way because I was “different”… I tried to act like the other kids but the things that made the “good kids” so good in parents eyes was that they did their classwork correctly because they were able to learn it; I was UNABLE to learn it the same as them, so I was destined to be a “bad kid” because I could not be like the smartest kid in class…
Don’t think there are people who treat ADHD kids/adults wrongly? Look at your fellow Yahoo! members in the question below….
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=201111…
Update:
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@ToxicP —- It’s not your problem. If anything you are MY problem because you’re the type of person to judge/bully someone like me. People like YOU create the psychos that exist in this world.
Update 2:
@Mrs.Le —- You can look at it as an excuse if you want. I struggle daily to do what people like YOU expect of me. It’s not as easy as you think it is… It’s like adding another 30 steps to a 3 step dance move… And then you wonder why we are assholes to people? It’s because it’s hard work doing even a 1/3 of what you people do. Does that make you better than me? Sure, go ahead and have the social status of being superior; but that doesn’t make my life any less meaningful or respectable.
Update 3:
@powairy —- There ARE other ways that people like me can live. But on the contrary, most people don’t like deviation from conventional, traditional, and religious rules so I would still be an outcast. All I’m saying is we need to have more acceptance in this world for people who aren’t like us! I wouldn’t have self respect or self esteem or self confidence issues if people like all of you didn’t think my struggles was just a crock of sh|t. People who suffer from a lost limb we have sympathy for them; but someone who suffers from lost brain function we just tell him to quit being a baby.
Update 4:
@Ryde On —- When he hits his “brick wall” he’ll start to believe it’s real… Social situations tend to be the biggest issue… But if his parents were laid back and allowed him to be different then maybe he won’t turn out so bad… The problem is that harsh discipline parenting causes the ADHD to get worse because the expectations are unrealistic ad the ADHD person realizes this and rebels…
Update 5:
@powairy —- So you’re saying that I am CHOOSING to have low control over the way my brain works??? I think you don’t understand what you’re talking about… ADHD was called “minimal brain dysfunction” before it was renamed to ADHD in the 90’s… It is KNOWN that people with ADHD have a problem with processing information or reacting the way that “neurotypical” brains do. So if you are telling me that I am using this as an excuse fine, stand by your point; but I have TRIED to be like everyone else, it just doesn’t work. I could look you in the eyes, stop talking, and even stop thinking of other things, but I would still misunderstand you if you didn’t talk slow enough for me to understand what you said…
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One of my guy friends has ADHD. He was diagnosed with it at age 8.
He struggles every day and the teacher constantly yells at him for being
off task. If it’s something you can’t help, you can’t exactly be blamed for it as I’m sure you did your best to try and control it. I’m sorry you had to deal with that crap. Your mom was wrong, she shouldn’t be punishing you for having to deal with a mental problem.
No offense of course. I’m not saying you’re retarded. I’m just saying it must have been a hard thing to deal with. Especially when you were surrounded by people who expected you to function properly without help or encouragement.
Your mom was abusive, there’s no way you can deny that. I’m really sorry. SHE’S the one with the issues, not you. If I were your parent I’d have seeked help for you or tried to teach you in a different way so you could learn better.
And unlike what some of those morons our there think, the solution is not always “A good spanking, switching, belting, etc…”
And don’t feel so down on yourself, just because other people don’t treat you fairly doesn’t mean you don’t have to treat yourself fairly. Everyone deals with those negative a**holes out there. Whether they be their own parents, friends, or bullies.
If they don’t, well, it just means that they get the easy path. Everything handed to them on a silver platter. And I will admire you when you do something successful in your life. Especially with such unsupportive people as you had to deal with.
What is with you idiots? This person just asked a simple question. No one gives a crap about whether or not you think he actually HAS adhd. The point is, he was treated unfairly. He didn’t deserve all that. Whatever disability he had to deal with, it obviously wasn’t easy (And again I’m not calling you retarded.)
The problem is that some people think ADD/ADHD IS real!! You are right that you are different – we all are. But that doesn’t mean you have a disability or a disorder, and there are many ways to get on with your life. I can guarantee you that A LOT of people have hard time listening to others. They just haven’t been given the convenience of having a “mental disorder”.
Edit: You do NOT have a “loss of brain function”. It’s shocking that you even think that. YOU are reifying the problem. That’s my point.
I am acknowledging that you (like everyone) are different from others around you. What I refuse to acknowledge is that this counts as an impairment, disability, or “lack”. Thank you for your information, but I am a Ph.D. student who studies the medicalization of what are actually normal, human traits. Look up the word medicalization. My first degree was in neuroscience and genetics (I am trained in all neuroscientific methods, so I can tell you off the bat that nothing is “known” – it is all speculation based on a priori assumptions about the results). I know what I am talking about first-hand.
And FYI, I was also diagnosed as ADD – a diagnosis which I haven’t given a second thought to since then because I KNOW it means nothing. Just because it appears in the DSM doesn’t make it real, as we know from looking at the history of “mental diseases” that have been removed in retrospect.
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I am sorry but I am a bit strict about it. USA is becoming psychiatry nation – you are like institution – you even drug little kids which is really sick. And many people in Europe say we would not buy that psychiatry junk as much as you do though we have got that problem here too. The truth is that according to DSM which is a book of psychiatry diagnosis every man and woman and child on Earth could be diagnosed and prescribed drugs today and that’s a fact. The book is a marketing tool to sell drugs which don’t work.
Psychiatry – NO SCIENCE-NO CURES (4:54min)
Can psychiatrists help you with antidepressants? Are there any cures in psychiatry today? How many people have been cured? What are your chances?
Check it for yourself – hear it from interviewed psychiatrists.
And yet you had the ability to concentrate long enough to write this 10-paragraph post…? Sorry, I make it a policy not to read lengthy posts; I find they’re seldom worth the time.
I worked in psychiatry for a couple years. I believe adult ADHD exists. However, I also KNOW there are treatments and techniques that allow the majority of people to live normal lives with ADHD. I also know there are folks who use the diagnosis to obtain stimulants for unethical purposes. I also know there are individuals who use the diagnosis as an excuse to avoid adult responsibilities. As far as childhood ADHD, I think it’s over-diagnosed and medication is too often trialed before other issues are ruled out. I know this from personal experience with my own children, both of whom were “diagnosed” by teachers as having ADHD. Long story short, this knee-jerk response was completely unwarranted in both cases.
All I can say is I completely understand. My husband has Borderline Personality Disorder. People think it is a make believe disorder as well. My husband doesn’t think like everyone else, he doesn’t process information the same way and he doesn’t use logic or reason. He thinks with his feelings most of the time. He has also had a diagnosis as a child of having ADHD. Although I don’t know for sure if it was the correct diagnosis. He has since been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Borderline. I think the other ones could still be true, but Borderline Personality Disorder seems to be the main culprit. He can’t keep a job, because his mind just doesn’t function the way everyone else’s does. They expect something out of him that he just can’t do. They expect what they can do, because everyone seems to think that everyone thinks the same way. After a ton of research I have finally started to make sense of how my husbands mind works. It is a different disorder but you and my husband have a lot of the same problems.
M&D is hardly a place to conduct a poll or focus group about the general perception of ADHD.
You could also take it as a good sign that at least one person understands what you are going through.
Another way to view it, is as an opportunity to educate people.
lol Oh, my goodness…
well…
I honestly am not sure what I think of ADHD. I don’t think it’s parents, though. that’s ridiculous.
I think that sometimes kids are diagnosed with ADHD or ADD because they are hyper and people want an excuse to give them medicine to shut them up. that’s wrong.
but i’m not saying there isn’t real cases out there. yours looks pretty convincing.
Yeah , yeah ,,, my buddies kid was diagnosed with ADHD like 15 years ago and that boy just graduated from Brown University with honors .
He doesn’t believe it’s real either.
I think EVERYONE can be distracted from mundane tasks and be hyperfocused on things they enjoy. What you need to do is learn how to control your actions. Get control over yourself and don’t use ADHD as a crutch. I’m one of those people that sees ADD and ADHD as an excuse.
Your post gave me ADHD
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