Need advice on what to do with 10 yr old daughter who got suspended!!?

The consequences don’t make her change her behavior – they simply give the message that her behavior is not okay. A day away from school ought to be a real pain. Perhaps you could have her write an essay on why her behavior was not okay and what else she could do to handle her frustration and anger. When she tells you that what she did was okay, then tell her she needs to interview at least 2 adults to get ideas on how to handle those emotions and write about other’s perspectives (even if she doesn’t agree with it).

You may be unclear on where she gets the idea that that way of talking to someone is okay. Ask her and do a little investigation.

I’d make sure her movie choices were all G rated and her music had nothing M rated. I would ban her from the internet now and try to create a crisis for her. Let her know that this is REALLY serious and that you need to keep everything G rated until she can teach you that she can handle anything else. Tell her the G rated stuff is not a punishment – that this stuff is so serious that you have to resolve the issue of where it’s coming from and that you can’t let her have any of that stuff since she has no idea where her disrespect is coming from. Let her know that you apparently need to protect her from these negative influences until you understand where they are and she teaches you that she can even handle a PG movie (for instance).

Act really dumbfounded and totally baffled. Let her know that you are just as confused as she is and that (I know I’m being redundant) this is REALLY serious. She’s going to have to help you figure it out – oh yea – and by the way – I’d include phone calls on the banned list (since you cannot tell which friends are positive and which are negative).

Your attitude is critical in pulling this off. Be confused and baffled – not angry and irate. You are trying to make the problem HER problem and you don’t want to come off as being in a postition of power with her. Again, let her know it is a HUGE crisis and that you’re having to pull the plug on everything until she can help you find those answers and demonstrate that she is in control. The length of time on this consequence is unclear (which should only help to increase HER anxiety level – which is probably at zero right now). You need to keep the duration amiguous – lest she wait you out. Again, this is not a grounding, but a response to a serious crisis.

One of your main goals is to make this her problem, not the principal’s or yours or anyone else’s. A lot of good parenting is good acting. So, have a little fun and do NOT act angry. You are baffled and confused. Now, be careful out there.

Source(s): 20+ years of doing therapy.575

The school should have a manifestation meeting to determine if the behavior was a manifestation of the disability. Students with IEP’s can be suspended up to 10 days in a school year. The school should have a behavior plan in place to prevent these behaviors before they happen. Contact the special educator and request a team meeting to discuss how this can be prevented in the future. It will help if they know that you aren’t using her disability as an excuse but want to address the situation appropriately. Write a social story to teach her acceptable ways to control her emotions and appropriate ways to deal with schedule changes. She should have a schedule at school, that way if there will be a change in her schedule or routine she knows about it ahead of time.

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If she is 10, then she is at the age of thinking she’s a teen or older but still has the mind of a child. My daughter would’ve gotten a spanking with the belt at 10 had she done this. Then she would have written a letter of apology and went to apologize sincerely face to face. If she didn’t want to do this, she would get another spanking until she did. It’s unacceptable

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Well georgio (sp?) is on to something, and like the other respondents I agree with writing an essay of apology. But there is more than you can take away. First off, make sure that nothing else is happening in her life that makes her act out…no abuse or anything she feels she can’t open up about?

Then, explain that she has certain standards of behavior that you expect. She won’t get anywhere in life by pulling a stunt like she did. Yes, take away internet, tv movies friends. G rated is exactly right, until she can earn more. But think bigger. A door to her room? That’s a privilidge! Food, shelter, clothing. That’s it. Everything else is earned.

You might also consider taking her to a foster home, juvenile detention center, talk to a cop etc.

Good luck!

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She is certainly assertive, isn’t she. Sounds like she has issues with authority, even if the said authority deserved some aspect of the chewing she got. First, you need to identify the underlying issues. I suspect this isn’t the first such issue with her. Has she spoken to you this way? If her dad lives with you, does she talk to him like that? Or a step-father? What about siblings? Or is this truly anomalous behavior and thus you consider it an isolated incident.

Regardless of the above, she needs to do something at home to earn the money to BUY an apology card. Not a cheap one. A three dollar Hallmark card. Then, she needs to hand-write a letter apologizing for her actions and explaining her remorse. (I hope she has some.) More important than saying “I’m sorry” is asking for forgiveness. She needs to ask outright “Will you forgive me, please?”

If you sense that there are other, deeper issues, then your conversations aren’t likely to get through. You may wish to speak to her guidance counselor, a child psychologist or family counselor, or a clergyman. There is a root cause. You need to find it now before she becomes a teenager. BTW, is there a lot of yelling in your home? If so, she is only repeating what she sees.

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I would have your daughter write a letter of apology to the principal and definitely ground her. Explain to her that if she does not change her attitude she could end up in juvenile detention. That’s where disrespectful, problem kids end up! It may be possible to get a tour of the facility in your area. Look into it. If that doesn’t work just do o what my parents did to me, threaten to enroll her in Catholic school! LOL

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I have a 12 year old son whose behaviour was like this for about 3years, I think now he has changed. I took all his priveleges away from him. Now he shows total respect to his teachers and others surrounding him. Me and my husband kept on him, until he finally let up. And also grandparents helped. Well, I think you should get her to apologize to her principal in public place where her peers see her no matter if it embaresses her because that is total disrespect.

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Let her know who is the boss. Lay down the rules the consequenses for breaking them but more importantly the rewards for obeying them…Its not all about discipline, yes there needs to be discipline but is she praised for good behaviour? Does she get positve attention and not just negitive (its very easy to do with a child who plays up).

If that doesnt work, I would be really mean and take everything that she doesnt need out of her room and she can earn it back day by day with good behaviour. and if she doesnt tell her you will give it to charity and let her know that you will give it to children who would appriecate her belongings and look after them.

Don’t let her have a holiday camp at home while she is suspended make sure she does school work and chores. not just watching tv and playing. Otherwise she wont ever learn

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Well this may not be a popular answer but if this were my son he would need to write a letter of apology to the principal. I would also have him volunteer at a shelter, picking up trash, something on that order. He would also lose everything in his room except for a bed and would not get anything back until he could show respect. To be honest there would probably be more he would get, disrespect is the one thing I will not tolerate.

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Well when i got suspened onec in my life my mom just left me to feel guilty but i have learned that sometimes nothing works maybe you might tell her she must apolgize and not with a letter actaully go in there and apoligize you might also have her put on home study for a wekk with no friends and then she might see that she wants to stay in school to se her friends and pass school

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