I was with my ex-fiance for many years. We broke up four months ago due to long distance and the big changes I would have had to make in a short time that I wasn’t ready for yet. We’ve stayed in touch. I still love him very much. I always have thought we’d end up together soon again. And now I’m ready to make the changes in my life necessary to be with him where he lives.
Tonight he admitted to me he met someone this weekend who he used to like a lot at a party and they had sex. Now he says this girl wants a relationship with him. I am devistated. He said that he could barely get it up with her and he had to think of me to get excited.
I have begged him to give me another chance. I still love him. He is not an emotional person and tells me that he wil give me another chance but don’t get my hopes up. He agreed not to sleep with her again until he sees me first to decide on what to do with me.
I know I should be happy that he’s giving me another chance. However, he says things like “my heart just isn’t in it with you anymore” to me and “Don’t get your hopes up.” I’m not sure if I should risk my heart knowing that he might reject me.
What should I do? Thank you.
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How lovely. He is stringing you along just in case his new relationship doesn’t work out.
Remember this, you have the POWER to walk away from this soon to be drama. You don’t have to put up with this crap or be his little puppy at his beck and call whenever he make a decision. The guy boldly stated his heart isn’t with you anymore, yes that is devastating to hear, but he is giving you an option that you can move on with your life and possibly find someone who will equally love you and deserving of your love and trust.
You are better than this so tell yourself that, and let him know you can be fine without him (even if you are hurting inside) and walk away.
I know it hurts, I know it really does. My engagement with someone recently ended (his decision) so I know how you feel. It’s a horrible feeling accompanied with heartache. But you need to have pride in you and not drop everything to be with him, as you say you are making changes to move to where he lives. Obviously he isn’t doing much of anything to be with you. And he show how much he cared by going to another relationship and telling you not to get your hopes up while debating to give you a second chance. You don’t need to beg for someone back because honestly it looks pitiful and make you seem desperate and his only reason to take you back because he will feel sorry for you or guilt. A healthy relationship shouldn’t be based on guilt or pity.
Think about this- if you were to married him and he have this mindset, it will be very frustrating and emotionally draining since you will move mountains to keep him around but get nothing in return. Is that the kind of love you really want? A lopsided love? Do you have any idea how much of that will be a time waster?
I recommend that you read this book, Are You the One for Me by Barbara Deangelis. Your situation sounds similar to a few examples in that book and I think you can really benefit from reading it.
I would say go for it. Chances are that because you two separated because of distance- he had to detach himself somewhat so as not to get hurt. If you are willing to move to be near him- and you have the history you are describing on here with him, it’s not going to take him long to remember how good it was when you were ‘together’.
The fact that he was honest and told you about the other woman, and that you were mature enough to not freak out on him… *and* you still want to be with him- Definitely give it a shot.
You may end up getting hurt, but that risk is in any relationship. Even happy stable ones. Truth is, nothing ventured-nothing gained. Go for it sweetie. You guys obviously care deeply for one another, and mutually respect each other… I’m sure you’ll be just fine.
Good Luck!
Seeing you one more time after he’s already decided to move on (even if it isn’t with this new gal, he has proven he is not emotionally attatched the way that you are by sleeping with another woman) is hurtful and degrading. You had a love that is now waning, appreciate it for what it was and move on to something better for you. Seeing you one more time won’t bring him back, but it might mean he is willing to sleep with you one last time. If you’re heart is still in it, don’t hurt yourself like that
Forget about it and move on. I don’t say this to be mean or insensitive. I’ve been thru this before and I know from experience that when a guy is telling you “don’t get your hopes up” and if he’s not as excited to get back with you as you are him, then it’s not going to work. He’s just not that into you anymore and you need to cut your losses and move on with your life.
Wouldn’t you want to just start over fresh and meet somebody that will love you and be excited about being with you and feel horrible if he lost you? Doesn’t that sound better than that old limp ex over there telling you “well don’t get your hopes up”. What a crock!! Yeah, pass this one over and don’t do that one again.
1 thing i have learned through my life, is that men will do and say almost anything to make us women feel better/more comfortable about a situation….. He will probably continue to have sex with her before he see’s you.
Even though you love him, unless your willing to move to where he is then consider it over for now. Heartbreak sucks, but time goes on and so does your heart!!!
And don’t wait around for a man who tells you “don’t get your hopes up” and that his “heart is not in it with you” Those are hurtful words and never give love to someone who doesn’t love you in return!!
Good luck!
I am a man, and still I say, My mother was a female too.
Dear Friend, if you are begging him for a relationship it willnot last. Eventually he will try to find fault in you.
Go with some dignity and respect. See, the relationship will not be his decision. It will be your decision to which he agreed as you “begged”. that will always be the cause of contention for you both.
Make him feel for you, and let him decide that you are the right female for him.
You have to seriously ask yourself whether you could be with him now that this has happened. This could change things for you. If it’s going to be too much of an issue then I wouldn’t even try. But if you think you can get past that, then sure.
A lot of people believe that there are ways for getting your ex back!
There are some things you can do or not do that will increase your chances of getting back your ex.
Here is a great website on how to get your ex back. Check it out if you are interested:
He probably has a lot of emotional “guards” up and he is coming across particularly “cold” because he’s still hurting (emotionally) and doesn’t want to give himself or you any false hope/expectations (“lead you on”). My advice is to take it slow….good luck! 🙂
see if both of u love each other and cannt go for another path, then there should not be any hesitation to unit again.Go Ahead
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