Was my husband out of line?

I think your husband’s behavior is inappropriate, and this is exactly how some affairs can start. This other woman may interpret your husband’s actions the wrong way, and she may feel your husband likes her. Do you want to know how many women can interpret things the wrong way? Perfect example is a lot of the questions here on Yahoo. I’ve answered many questions in my life on here, and a lot of them were written by women saying things like “he’s a married man, but he helped me with this and that, so do you think he likes me?” OR

“I work with this married guy, and he pays attention to me, and talks to me and stuff and does little things for me here and there, so do you think that he’s unhappily married and wants to be with me?”. Those are only 2 of the questions I’ve come across. So you have good reason to be upset over your husband’s behavior, which can give the wrong signals to a woman.

your husband has intentionally developed a personal relationship with another woman. my policy with my relationships with women in my company is “how is this making the company more successful”. If the answer is “its not”, then its an inappropriate relationship. You are a united pair and all friendships should be developed as a couple. My gut feeling is that he told you the story to get a feel for how much he can get away with or to create an alibi. For example, if you catch him talking to this woman one on one, he now has an excuse. He is “helping” her. I am 39 and have never cheated on a woman even though I have had many opportunities. I believe that temptation is a test of character and that cheaters cant be cured since the root cause of their behavior is a feeling of inadequacy that is rooted in childhood. Hope this doesnt sound too depressing.

I can see where that that could be a problem. You are not totally over it and maybe you will never be. It hurts I know. He should not leave room for temptation, getting to friendly with females isn’t healthy for it can lead him down that road that he dare not travel. He should keep his relationships with other females strictly on a professional level. That would also show a lot of respect for you. I would be hurt and upset to if my husband had done something like that in the past. I wouldn’t want to go through it again. If he keeps his contacts with other women professional then it would be hard to mess up. My husband tries not to even be in the same room alone with another female that he is not related to.

I was browsing yahoo answers for an answer and i couldnt help noticing your question, I think the affair that took place affected u emotionally and afftected the loyalty that you have between you and your husband and now every little thing is gonna bother you like him looking at another woman for example, but you cnat let the little things bother you,just live your life and try not to worry so much,he shouldnt of cheated on you in the first place, i never heard of many woman who forgave men for something like that. But if it happens again then he doesnt deserve you,you deserve someone better,someone who will worship the ground you walk on and give you the most attention and no one else.

Your husband needs to back off and not become emotionally involved in some other woman’s life. This woman has way too much drama and uses men.

Your husband shouldn’t be so naive and allow himself to fall into this woman’s trap. Since he cheated on you in the past, he has to be careful not to become too friendly with other women and always behave in such away to make you feel that you can trust him.

He needs to spend his time at work, doing his job and not getting involved in this woman’s life. The remark he made about the shower? That was a really dumb thing for him to say. At least your husband is being honest and not hiding anything from you. Otherwise you would constantly worry that he was up to no good again.

Men are protectors and try to fix a problem when they see a helpless woman. This woman knows this and she gets off being able to manipulate men. The next time she ask some man or your husband to answer her phone or to call her ex-boyfriend to get him to leave her alone. Your husband should tell her to stop playing the helpless woman act. She got herself in this mess, she should be woman enough to handle her own problems and not lean on some man to do her dirty work for her.

She absolutely has no right to ask any married man to help her with any of her personal problems. She’s out of line and your husband should be smart enough to see the trap she is setting up for any man who crosses her path.

You already posted this right- I don’t think I answered because you had so many answers the first time. As a rule of thumb if it makes you uncomfortable or your “spidey sense” starts tingling then it is not a good deal. Me and my husband chose not to have too many friends of the opposite sex because I had some insecurities from my past and I’m sure he did too. That may be extreme for some people but it worked out for us because that way there was no confusion. There is no temptation and no fingers being pointed.

Wow I’m in the same place as you. 3 years and he is being the perfect husband.

Like me you have forgiven him but the hurt will never let you totally forget. I think the reason he tells you these things is so you do not find out about them on your own and wonder WTF is going on now. If you and your husband agreed on things like I did with mine,he knows and understands that you will once in awhile check his email, cell phone, computer, etc. By doing that he is allowing you the assurance you need to get over your pain. My husband tells me when he is going to call a male friend on his cell phone and asks if I want to be there when he does and gives me the number so if I see a strange number on his bill I will know who it is and won’t freak out.

If you really think about his coworker would have been better off having a man that cares nothing for her other than a friend fake being her man than a guy that really wants to be her man faking to be her man. She just opened herself up to a whole new stalker.

Would I be annoyed? YUP. I deal with one of my husbands female cowokers that was his confidant during his affair, emails between them about him and the other HO, how sad she was for him that he got stuck with me and couldn’t be with her, etc. She still sends him emails 3 or 4 times a week. Just the stupid forwarded jokes etc. but she has been sent directly to his spam box. Still annoys me.

Bottom line is you know what it was like when he cheated, you know the feeling in your gut just like I do. Does this give you the same gut renching feeling that you had when he was cheating? You know what I’m talking about. If you get the same feelings as you had when he was cheating then watch out. If you are just annoyed and irritated by his actions then that is just something you need to get over.

Are you over reacting He!! NO!!! “Before the affair, this wouldn’t have bothered me one bit” It wouldn’t have bothered me either. Now I would take a second look at it.

From your story I really think he is telling you so you do not find out about it else where. He is being honest with you. Is this something he would have done to help out a friend before the afair? Then come home and tell yuo about it? Then you both would have thought it was funny? If so then he is just trying to get that back.

You know the signs if he was cheating again he would never told you, you would have found out and questioned him, and he would try to blame you for not trusting him, etc.

In all honestly men just aren’t made to be cunning enough to come up with a story like yours. They just think they are smart and getting away with something. They never do. We feel it we know it. They lose.

Hope this helped.

Source(s): 3 years ago this week he was leaving, he didn’t know if he would ever be back but he didn’t want a divorce. He was gone for 3 days.

I think it’s absolutely out of line. Why is he even helping this girl with here “guy” problems? It’s not his responsibility, and to have an affair and then joke about some girl being in the shower and he’s answering her phone? No way, that s**t is not cool. And if I were you, I would tell him just how not cool it is, in no uncertain terms.

Wait! Is he still your husband?

If he had an affair and you guys have been in counseling then maybe he hasn’t learned anything. In my opinion he is being to “friendly” or crossing healthy relationship boundaries with her. Your right. That is none of his business. How would he like it if the shoe was on the other foot. Double standard is what guys are.

Heck yeahh that would piss me off. Your husband has no business interacting and listening to all her drama. He is there to work to pay the bills, not listen to immature 30 yr old ladies who dont have their life straightened up. What gets me upset is he is not just listening, he is getting involved. My husband would be the type to be like, who gives a ****. Or if not he might listen and see how boring it is listening to her horrible drama life and just walk away. Her life is none of your husbands business. Dont go off and get mad at him but have a talk with him and let him know, I am happy you told me how your day went at work and the drama with it but please do me a favor and dont butt in to other peoples business’s. How would you like it if I had a guy co worker and was there listening to all his girl drama and helped him with it. Doesnt seem right, right?