What do you think of this?

Bearing in mind that a year old wrote this..

 The language of

“Hey, you! ” men called as they ran after me. “get back here” 

The apple I’d stolen was stuck fast in my hand, my knuckle’s white as snow. I couldn’t afford to lose this fight. I must get away but how?  The fence line was a few meters away and I couldn’t get over it with out them pulling me down. The guns in their hands slow them and I have a head start right now. I see an open window of a bungalow and ahead and wonder if I could make it. “Oh well, no time for thinking now!” I silently say to myself.

Feet first I dive, and run through the house. This was clearly an elderly woman’s home judging by the vases and the antique crochet table cloth. The house consisted of only one room and a bathroom ; like all houses in . 

Knocking down god knows what as I pass, I continue to pursue my freedom. Where I entered must have been the back of the house. I prayed that the front door would be unlocked. The thud of the law keepers is nearing as I pull open the metal door. I run forward and hit rock. Well, a rock hard law keeper. I don’t bother to reverse because I know I’m caught. The apple in my hand drops to the ground and smashes. 

They encircle me like sharks with guns. They leave gaps of silence to scare me, but it doesn’t work. I can’t possibly be scared of silence when I live in it. Words are never kind was what I was taught. Sooner or later they come back around to cut wounds deeper than ever before; to haunt you.

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I twist and turn in my enclosure, glaring as I pull back dark tangles of hair off my face. A Warm blooded soldier shoves his way through the ring, to press a gun to my temple. Cuffs chain my wrists and I know I can’t move any longer. The pressure from my head is released leaving behind patches of light impairing me of clear vision. The leader of the squadron throws an identifier towards his comrade. Digging it into my upper arm like the gun to my head, he finally pushes scan. My chip is immediately found. 

What are your thoughts?

“STPH” informs the identifier in a cold automatic voice. “Also known as Steph. Orphan of AMU

And FOD. “

” age , born on the th march . From the other side of the fence.” it concludes.

It was silent already but this added another layer of it to the room. What would they do to me. They are so certain I cant communicate with them but They don’t know the truth. I am from both sides of the fence. I can talk and write.

My dad is from this side of the fence and my mum the other. 

The whole room turns their heads as the door opens. Guns immediately point at the intruder. “Hold fire” Shouts the same man that held me at gun point. 

The visitor wobbles in, her walking stick in one hand and her groceries in the other. At the sight of a dirty year old girl and a group of law keepers in her house, she drops everything.

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“Why are you here?” questions a large man. 

“I live here” she replies. 

” we will explain everything to you once we are finished. We’re going to have to ask you to vacate the premises.” they inform her.

“sure,but can I put my groceries on the top first” she asks.

“be quick”

She scurries around the room avoiding the eyes of law keepers as she passes. As she inches back towards the door -reluctant to leave her home- a piece of paper drops to the ground. On the back is written , gray street in an elegant calligraphy. 

The door slams shut behind her and once again I am left alone with the Law keepers.

“let her go” one soldier protests. “She is . Chuck her back over the fence and leave her.”

“My decision is to do just that lieutenant. Release her.” I feel the cuffs pulled from my wrists and I pull my hands forward to examine the damage. 

“go. Go over the fence and don’t come back.” commanded a soldier as if I were a pigeon. As far as he is Concerned I can’t speak. I turn toward the door and run for the fence. 

gray street. Why would there be writing on that side of the fence? There is a gray street on my half. Why didn’t i think of that before! Thank god the law keepers can’t read. I have no where better to go. grey street. Maybe that can tell me more about myself. 

I reach the fence and begin to climb. No one has ever climbed the fence before. They are all to scared. I am the first. There is no need. Everything is different on the other side. 

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The famous saying, curiosity killed the cat describes me. Me being the cat. A scruffy, dark haired cat. long legs, brown eyes and messy hair. 

✅ Answers

🥇 Favorite Answer

  • I personally like it. I like the plot too. For your age, that was awesome.

    Now it is critique time. Make sure to capitilize the first letter in quotations. Also make sure to add the correct marks.

    For example:

    You have: “let her go” one soldier protests.

    It should be: “Let her go,” one soldier protests.

    Read some more books to understand how to do this. Overall, just make sure to capitilize and put the correct marks.

    I loved it though!

    Source(s): An aspiring year old fantasy novelist.

  • It got a big confusing at the end. They assume she comes from the side of the fence where people can’t read and write, yet on their side of the fence they can’t read or write. Or had she not made it over the fence when she was caught. If she had not made it over the fence, why was it so easy to climb after they released her?

  • Suck on my tooth.

    Source(s): Plenty of tooth sucking.

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