Would you critique my freestyle poem?

I was going through files on my old laptop and I came across this! It must have been at least years ago when I wrote it! Crazy, right? I was a better writer then than now. Well here it is, all critique is accepted, points to the most informative and detailed.

Write, rewrite. Don’t germinate under moonlight

and in my taste, what could the causes be?

Not that there is a problem

but it is love, then loss, then fear, then a sick past

Then, there is no leaving

the spider has woven dark

thick strands of web that will capture its pray

that is of course, if it lives that long

There is a small thread of light

and it peirces through eons of time

that web may lose a bit

but who says happy endings are always pleasant?

And to whom is the ending happy?

This light that has no face, no features, no feelings?

If the spider loses, then what has the light gained?

nothing is planned out that carefully.

wires don’t shock those who want it

those who expect everything experience nothing.

The light wove around the darkened web

and the spider has never caught so many meals.

Update:

Whether that was copied and pasted or not, I should probably mention @betty, if you don’t think it’s a poem that’s fine, though your definition is unofficial. I just wanted an opinion on the group of words I constructed when I was .

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  • Australias leading erotic poet colin leslie dean points out

    Nearly all that goes for poetry these days is just prose

    See also  Help me revise my sonnet poem?

    http://www.scribd.com/doc//POETRY-OR-PROSE…

    Technically you can only call something poetry if it has structure ie metre or rhythm

    Free verse is not poetry and those who write it are not poets

    read definition of poetry as distinct from prose

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prosody_%poetry%

    .

    ”In poetry, metre (meter in American English) is the basic rhythmic structure of a verse or lines in verse “

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Verse_%poetry%

    “The word “verse” is commonly used in lieu of “poetry” to distinguish it from prose. Where the common unit of poetry, that is, verse, is based on meter or rhyme

    A verse is formally a single metrical line in a poetic composition”

    Free verse is usually defined as having no fixed meter and no end rhyme”

    Thus free verse is not poetry/verse and those who write it are not poets as free verse is not in metre-which is the defining essence of poetry ie which makes a writing poetry

    According to the standard definition of poetry which defines poetry as being metrical writing or writing that is in metre, free verse by not being metrical or in metre is not poetry and those who write it ie Walt Whitman , T S Eliot etc are not poets. Thus modernist free verse poetry is not really poetry at all but only prose as free verse is not poetry according to the standard definition of poetry ie writing that is in metre

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