There is a reason why people go to foreign counties to adopt babies and it’s because there is so much crap a couple has to go through and waiting lists to be on until they finally get a child. But why?
I’m aware they have to make sure the couple is mentally sounds and stable, but it’s ridiculous the amount of time people have to wait. Sometimes it’s years and years. I’m asking people who have gone though adoption trouble and who may have better insight on this. Thanks.
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Two reasons. One is simple supply and demand. There are not as many children available verus the number of adoptive parents. This is especially true about white children. Unfortunate to say, but if you wanted or did not care if the child was black/hispanic the wait time would be much shorter.
The second difference is that adoption has evolved a great deal and birthparents are very active in the process (not many baby’s left at doorsteps anymore). As such, the birthparents (or at least birth mother) are actively involved in the selection process. This is where the US is much harder in my opinion, b/c it is a bit of a beauty contest or competition amongst adoptive parents. There is only so many times you can be looked over before you get dejected. Having said that, sometimes it works well, as in our case, where we have a wonderful adopted girl from the US, and it only took 6 months, but that’s a whole other story.
Don’t give up, but definately look into foreign adoptions. That is where we are going even though we had good luck in the US. Just cannot do the beauty contest thing.
One last thing, in most reputable adoption, the birthmother relinqueshes all of her rights, it is irrevokeable. The law is on your side if you adopt properly. Anyone who tells you otherwise knows nothing about the adoption process. All the high profile cases of birth parents re-entering the picture were considered high risk adoptions, often brokered through a lawyer or possibly the birthparents were not offered counseling and legal represenation. Many states require that you pay for their lawyer and counselling, to make sure they know what they are doing, b/c its irrovolkable. Use a good agency if you go down this route. No internet offers, or lawyer brokered transactions in my opinion.
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It has nothing to do with laws, the fact is fewer Americans are relinquishing for adoption. There is no longer the severe stigma attached to single motherhood or illegitimacy so the pressure to relinquish isn’t as great as it was in the 50s and 60s. About 14,0 infants are voluntarily relinquished for domestic adoption every year. Many more, about 50, are now being adopted from foster care as well as about 23,0 Internationally. Which is a good thing, actually as adoption should be a last resort and many children in foster care need good homes badly.
Also, it is standard for the expectant mothers to choose the parents from an agency’s client profiles. Some are chosen very quickly and some wait a long time, as it depends on what any individual pregnant woman is looking for in a couple to adopt her child. The days of “waiting lists” where the next in line gets the next baby born are long gone.
International adoption also involves homestudies, and waiting for a referral…however there are simply many, many more children in need of homes in countries other than the US.
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Actually, people adopting from overseas still have to go through a lot of paperwork, just like those adopting domestically. I wish it wasn’t so hard to adopt here, but it is nice that they try to make sure that adoptive parents are good people before giving them a child. I wish I knew where all the money goes to though. It shouldn’t be this expensive.
Source(s): I’m in the process of adopting.00
I can’t figure this out either. My brother and his wife adopted a baby about three years ago. After all that they had to go through, I feel that adoption is nothing but legalized baby buying.
They had to make a scrapbook with pictures of our family, city we live in, pets, our houses. They had to do this so that the birth mothers could pick a family for her child. My brother and sister-in-law were on a waiting list for two years and decided to change their request from “only willing to take a caucasian baby” to “willing to take a bi-racial baby”. After waiting about another six months, they received a phone call that a birth mother was interested in them. She had the baby and they went to get her when she was three weeks old. They got her back home and I got to see her for the first time on December 24th. I don’t think that big brother had been awake that early on Christmas Eve morning since we were children but he had the best “Christmas gift” waiting at his house and I wanted to see her!
That baby now has her Aunt Rachel trained very well! She couldn’t be loved more!
What bothers me is that her birth mother was only 21 years old and Haylee was her fourth child and she didn’t have custody of any of them. Her mother had two children and her grandmother had the other child. She lived in a motel for the last six months of her pregnancy so her family wouldn’t find out about this baby. How people can get out and have babies just to get a check or have them and not be wanted is very sad. Especially when there are people who would make great parents and can’t conceive and they have to pay $18,0 to get a baby.
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Because a good 80% of america can barely take care of themselves. People need to start out with a pet rock, then a goldfish, then a hamster, then a bird, then a cat, then a dog, then a baby-doll that is life like. Then go to a psychiatrist. And if after all that they still want to adopt then i guess they should start the process over again. Adopting a child is hard because life is hard. If it was easy, you could buy kids at the mall.
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Well for starters the birth mother can take her child back in most states anytime she wants and the parents who adopted the child don’t get their money back from the government and get cheated out of being parents. I agree with you it is stupid. Most parents here in the USA want babies because they are cute and they don’t want to deal with kids from foster homes because they are afraid that the kids who were in foster homes might not conform to their beliefs and be troublemakers. Then the parents would just put the child back in foster care because they couldn’t deal with it. In other countries once the child is put up for adoption that’s it. The birth mother can’t get the child back but here in the USA all the birth mother needs to do is change her mind at the last minute and the proposed adoption is over. Only a few states make the mother sign her rights away after birth. Texas is one of them I think. Until the government refuses to let birth mothers change their minds about being able to allow the birth mothers to take their kids back as soon as they are born because they realize they would have made a “mistake” then this will keep happening.
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The answer is easy. The system in the US is geared toward protecting the rights of the birth parent, no matter how screwed up they are. We’ve adopted 3 times, and it was the same story every time. The birth parents have every opportunity to challenge the adoption and take the kids back.
In our case, the parent was completely incapable of taking care of herself (there was no father involved) or children, yet it took 2 years to get each adoption done. It is frustrating, but we’re glad we stuck with it and get to keep 3 terrific children.
Richard
http://familyfrontiers.blogspot.com/
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It has nothing to do with laws, the fact is fewer Americans are relinquishing for adoption. There is no longer the severe stigma attached to single motherhood or illegitimacy so the pressure to relinquish isn’t as great as it was in the 50s and 60s. About 14,0 infants are voluntarily relinquished for domestic adoption every year. Many more, about 50, are now being adopted from foster care as well as about 23,0 Internationally. Which is a good thing, actually as adoption should be a last resort and many children in foster care need good homes badly.
Also, it is standard for the expectant mothers to choose the parents from an agency’s client profiles. Some are chosen very quickly and some wait a long time, as it depends on what any individual pregnant woman is looking for in a couple to adopt her child. The days of “waiting lists” where the next in line gets the next baby born are long gone.
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Because there are a lot of people out there who are bad and get kids for abusive reasons if it were easy.
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yes it may be hard for cuples but it is so much hardder to be a foster parent and a single person becose thay r still bist to singles even thow thay say thay dont then the foster parent gets close to the child and he/she leves so conceder urself lucky it will come soon enuf trust me
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