Would you please give me your opinion of which words should end this chapter?

conversation-type novel: This may seem weird, not knowing what was previously written.

Dear Wayne, Interesting launch for a Vietnam story. No ambushed patrol or shoot ’em up. Just that odd sign, the Kraits, and the black pajama boys to get out attention, then I was there; this is my story. You have my vote. I’ll read on. Signed, Jerry Peterson

Dear Wayne, Okay the snakes and the prophetic sign gave me a serious case of the heebie-jeebies. You get my vote for most powerful images. – signed, Jennifer H

Dear Jennifer, Highway traffic gives me the heebie-jeebies. Do you catch my drift? Snakes, leeches, scorpions, and enemies that rustle the leaves- they all have a degree of logic, or a conscience of sorts, and they, whether they intend to or not, they give us early warning signs. –

But those of you who drive on the highways are the bravest people on Earth. Why? You face dangers on a daily bases, more than just days of your life – which was my tour in Vietnam. And you face those highway dangers, knowing full well, there are no early warning signs. When a tire blows-out on the highway or a truck driver goes to sleep at the wheel, or a drunk driver floats off into ‘la la land’ traveling at highway speeds, your early warning signs are few, or non existence. – Bam, you are dead!

or would it be better to say “Bam, you’re dead!

or would it be better to say “Bam, you are dead, or maimed.

or a variation of he above?

Dear Taped, Is “you’re” better than “you are”? It is more natural for me to say “you are”, but I am getting the feeling that most people like to use contractions? — I think that is the term.

To anyone reading this; Please weigh in on this question of “You are” versus “You’re”.

I

Dear Jordon, Thanks for reminding me of that. Yes, I devoted a chapter in a joke book to the term “onomatopoeia” — whack, suck, spit, yada, yada, yada.

Dear Jordon, My philosophy is that it is not my story in regards to a word that might be distractive to a reader. — Unless, of course, I am only writing it for myself. — like a “bubble bath” poem, a poem that would only please me.

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Bam, you’re dead!

It’s short and punchy, with maximum impact.

There is nothing wrong with either ‘Bam, you’re dead’ or ‘Bam, you are dead.’ Graphically, both are correct. However, both are absolute statements, meaning all people involved in highway accidents die. Which is far from the truth.

Just like with your parable to Viet Nam, many did die. But of all the casualties of the war most didn’t die. I was wounded twice myself and obviously didn’t die. So when writing I try to stay away from absolutes, It I were ending this paragraph I might end it differently, with something like with ‘Bam, you’re now a statistic’ or ‘Bam, you’re now one of the victims.’

However, my friend, it’s your story. You should always write it the way you want it to read.

Howdy Unkie!

I think if you’re going to use some slang, like “Bam” then the contraction would be more congruent. Personally, I think Bam is a little abrupt and under-descriptive. Let me think of another way to suggest without the Bam… lol

Perhaps something like: “Lights out, you’re dead”

I think it would be better to use “Bam, you’re dead!” Maybe without the Exclamation, but it’s your story. Also, you do know that bam is not a real word (though it is an onomatopoeia).

It would sound more professional, and less comic book, if you said something like “And then, in a flash, it’s all over.” Or even more simple, “Suddenly, you’re dead.”

I think you should end it with “Splat! You’re road killl!”

Answers

Favorite Answer

  • Bam, you’re dead!

    It’s short and punchy, with maximum impact.

  • There is nothing wrong with either ‘Bam, you’re dead’ or ‘Bam, you are dead.’ Graphically, both are correct. However, both are absolute statements, meaning all people involved in highway accidents die. Which is far from the truth.

    Just like with your parable to Viet Nam, many did die. But of all the casualties of the war most didn’t die. I was wounded twice myself and obviously didn’t die. So when writing I try to stay away from absolutes, It I were ending this paragraph I might end it differently, with something like with ‘Bam, you’re now a statistic’ or ‘Bam, you’re now one of the victims.’

    However, my friend, it’s your story. You should always write it the way you want it to read.

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  • Howdy Unkie!

    I think if you’re going to use some slang, like “Bam” then the contraction would be more congruent. Personally, I think Bam is a little abrupt and under-descriptive. Let me think of another way to suggest without the Bam… lol

    Perhaps something like: “Lights out, you’re dead”

  • I think it would be better to use “Bam, you’re dead!” Maybe without the Exclamation, but it’s your story. Also, you do know that bam is not a real word (though it is an onomatopoeia).

  • It would sound more professional, and less comic book, if you said something like “And then, in a flash, it’s all over.” Or even more simple, “Suddenly, you’re dead.”

  • I think you should end it with “Splat! You’re road killl!”

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