Getting older it gets more colder hard times on your shoulder waiting for the sunshine to shade over your shoulder waiting till the pain fly away seeing yourself in the reflection of the mirror seeing pain dropping down like a star falling down from the sky till it hit the hard ground and its over I used to be the one to show love till the time come and no one showed back the love i gave the only showed the hate and the fake smile on the face and they don’t care about your broken heart they only see the trouble not the struggle and I keep moving on . on my way to success in my own ways keep moving like I don’t care but deep inside my soul I care .
what do u thing ?
✅ Answers
? Favorite Answer
Yes.
Furthermore, it’s fine as it is. Some may want to format it, add punctuation, etc, but that’s up to you as the writer. At the moment I would say the lack of punctuation gives it a certain innocence and intensity, which complements the subject matter pleasingly.
“Do your own dance, write your own poem.”
Poetry can take various forms but always expresses a message in a unique way, often with rhythm or rhyme, so yes, this can be classified as poetry. The style you have written is different, not necessarily free verse, as you have some components of meter patterns. You need to work on
cutting out the rhyme and adding detailed descriptions and use language that creates vivid imagery and feelings to create an effective free verse piece. Or you can simply establish proper stanzas and line lengths to keep it simple.
I have tidied it up for you:
Getting older it gets colder
Hard times on your shoulder;
Waiting for the sunshine to shade over your shoulder
Waiting till the pain
Flies away.
Seeing yourself in the reflection
Of the mirror
Seeing pain dropping down like a star falling down from the sky
‘till it hits the hard ground and
It’s over.
I used to be the one to show love
‘till the time came and
No one showed back the love I gave,
They only showed the hate and the fake smile
On the face.
And they don’t care about your broken heart
Or broken bones,
They only see the trouble not the struggle
And I keep moving on.
On my way to success in my own way
I keep moving like I don’t care
But deep inside my soul
I care.
Hope this helps 🙂
Source(s): Myself.
Yes, however you need punctuation and you also need to fix a few grammatical errors.
Like this:
Getting older, it gets much colder. Hard times on your shoulder, waiting for the sunshine to shade over your shoulder (I would use another word other than shoulder here because it sounds a bit strange). Waiting till the pain fly’s away, seeing yourself in the reflection of the mirror, seeing pain dropping down like a star; falling down from the sky till it hits the hard ground and its over. I used to be the one to show love till the time came and no one returned the love I gave. They only showed hate and fake smiles on their faces, and they don’t care about your broken heart; they only see the trouble, not the struggle, and I keep moving on; on my way to success in my own ways. I keep moving like I don’t care, but deep inside my soul I care.
Yes it could be a poem.
Begin by putting each sentence in a separate line so that you can see what you have written better.
Remove repeated end words.
Do not try so hard to rhyme so that random words are introduced and ruin what the poem is saying.
Correct spelling.
You have a good idea. Refine it and rewrite.
Human emotions can come out in various study and/or misread procedures.you may try utilising a dictionary to strengthen your regularly occurring vocabulary and your vocabulary with regards to rhymed words and sentences previously utilising them in a prepare of writing poems or the different varieties of expressive texts.however the fewer you utilize them the greater in all danger you’re to experience such as you forgot approximately them,i think.you may desire to objective to jot down down or form up popular sentences first previously attempting to replace some words with rhyming synonyms or words.it could take time yet nonetheless,time will shop on going anyhow.So despite in case you failed and felt like switching to a diverse subjectively much less complicated form of exaggerated expression,it could no longer appear like a waste of time in case you probably did no longer think of and experience so.you may desire to study poems and/or use that choose of writing poems in,to illustrate,attempting to jot down a poem on the subject of the act of writing poems and your relative emotions and factors(in case you felt considered one of those choose whilst googling some in keeping with danger rather discouraging-from a manner of watching it-stuff)…
Definitely
Don’t worry about grammar and punctuation
Most poetry purposefully dismisses those rules
I won’t say it can’t be but it needs some work.
The first thing I’d do is form it into stanzas with line breaks that offer pauses and impact.
Yes pretty good