Some time ago around months ago, i was attempted suicide for the th time, but this time it was quite bad and considered a ‘seriois’ attempt, so i was kept in for a few weeks in a mental health ward.
While i was there all i did all day was ither sit and stare, sit and cry, or sit and cry to music or lie there thinking about so much and just goint through hell. At the time i was in a deep depression and had been for a while. On and off. (i have bipolar) cyclothmic disorder) at the time i was diagnosed with severe depression as i didnt think anything of my manics.
I would listen to quite depression music to suit my mood, and all these feelings would rush to me like guilt and anxious feelings and i would just cry and cry, know when i listen to the same songs as i did in hospital, it brings it all back, and i know people are going to say dont listen to them then, but thats the thing, i always do, and i dont know why i listen to them, one because i like the songs, and other reasons i dont actually know why.
Also i feel like a burdenn to being like i am, when i annoy people when im hypomanic, or when im depressed, i feel as tghough people think im attention seeking, but i actually cannot help it, i have such bad paranoia, im paranoid about EVERYTHING and anything. and i hate it cause it ruins who i am, aswell as the bloody illness in itself. finiding it hard to cope with it to be honest.
Is anybody else like this? how do you cope, do you find it hard too? x
Answer
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Don’t give up, sweety.
Try finding pleasant music. Even classical.
Surround yourself with positive people.
Try to push anything negative to the side of the plate, so to speak.
I hope things get better for you, hun.