What can I do to make my boyfriend happier? Our sex life is totally perfect (plenty of everything). He works 10-12 hours a day. We eat dinner and he often goes to play videogames or computer games- which i’m fine with, but this is the only time he is happy. He has family problems, his dad steals money and his sisters and mother are greedy gold diggers. He is the only one in the family that is a hardworking and kind-hearted soul.
I just want something good to happen to him. Anyways. I just want to send him good karma. I don’t know how i could possibly be more supportive. Any ideas?
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You cannot send him good karma. Karma is a word for our inner imprints and habits. You can’t send someone their own habits.
Everything we do creates an imprint inside of us, and repeated imprints become habits. We draw circumstances to us that match imprints that we carry inside. In the Eastern religions, it is believed that we have lived countless lives, and some of these imprints still lay dormant inside us waiting to sprout. This is the karmic explanation for why “bad things happen to good people”.
By the same token, by being hardworking and kind-hearted, he is not setting the imprints to draw positive things to him … although no one can say when this might happen.
He is working to learn that happiness does not have anything to do with external events and circumstances. Happiness is 1% dependent on what is going on INSIDE of us. You cannot help him discover this.
Why are you feeling guilty? Are you one of the people making him feel so badly?
Enmeshment = when someone else feels bad and we feel it as our own pain. Enmeshment is not psychologically healthy. It you are feeling guilty, you are enmeshed. Care about him … by all means. But he has to do his own spiritual and psychological “work” and learn his own lessons … no one else can do that for him.
Glad you are happy. “Totally perfect” is a bit hostile. **NOTHING** is totally perfect. You shouldn’t put any part of your relationship on that kind of pedestal – too demanding. And too presumptuous. Things change. You need to keep checking. Keep growing.
Can’t you join him sometimes playing video? OR does he really not want that? My son-in-law plays a lot, and occasionally my daughter joins him on-line.
Don’t forget to have your OWN interests. You need to contribute your own individuality to the relationship.
Finally, don’t dis his family. THat is for him to do. Or not.
He seems happier when he’s avoiding. You are doing well, but do try to get him more involved with you.
Note on previous question: I was depressed about my family and job situation and got up to 389 pounds. 270 this morning, 10 months later. I am alive again. If you feel you need to change, America, do it.
Try playing the games with him
Treat him. Ask what he wants to do, how his day was, what he wants to eat, what movie he wants to see. Most of all, don’t mention money, the economy, etc.