I was in a relationship for a year and a half, the last six months living together. The first few months were fine, but then he started to hurt my feelings a lot by using things I opened up to him about, along with always invalidating my feelings and telling me “I don’t know why you do this to yourself”, and I hear what I want to hear, and tell me i’m wrong. He seemed to have an issue being wrong, even though he said that to me, when I feel like all I did was apologize. I tried to break up with him a few times, and then we stayed to hope it would work out.
He decided to leave, fast and in a fury – I didn’t even get to say goodbye to his kids, he was gone in three days, said he was hurt too much and couldn’t do it anymore. He treated me like the bad person – wouldn’t tell me where he was living or moving too, wouldn’t talk to me and put closure to it. Then finally a week later came back and apologized for being cruel and wanted to talk. Well we talked for hours and things went well. Then he contacted me the next day and we texted for awhile. He asked me if something was going on with me and someone else, and then later told me he was thinking he wanted more with someone else but wasn’t sure. HOW in a week? It was a woman I had suspicions about and whom he admitted before leaving he met for dinner when I was away. She was an old friend from School IF that is even the truth. He blames me for his leaving and claims he wasn’t cheating which I know now is a lie, since he didn’t come home a few nights claiming that since his father was sick in the hospital his mother needed help. He wasn’t at his mothers. He blamed me – told me he didn’t tell me about meeting her because he was afraid of my reaction. A week before he left he told me he loved me and I was still the most amazing wonderful woman in the world, he only tried to make me happy.
How is this my fault? I know i’m not perfect, but wouldn’t the better option been to have sat down and worked things through and talked about stuff? He says he tried, but I am being totally honest he did not. He ran, because that’s what was easier.
Needless to say he did me a favor, but it doesn’t mean my heart isn’t broken.
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He lost interest in you and went sniffing around for his next conquest. To relieve his guilt he was hoping you were messing around too. It is common for a cheater to accuse their partner of being unfaithful. It’s called “projection”.
Do yourself a favor and don’t communicate with this guy again. He wanted to leave and did. DON’T let him play mind games on you and try to convince you it was your fault.
If he calls again, and he probably will for a booty call, tell him you want a ring and a date…That will be the last you will hear from him.
like Beyonce says…
“…I need no permission, did I mention, Don’t pay him any attention, Cause you had your turn and now you gonna learn, What it really feels like to miss me.
Cause if you liked it then you should’ve put a ring on it…”
Source(s): http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/b/beyonce/single_…
It sounds like he is immature and iunsecure – not a good role model for kids.
I rather suspect he was hedging his bets in case the other woman didn’t work out. He doesn’t seem strong enough to hold any relationship.
Relationships need work and knowledge, not just hope, desire and passion.
People fall madly in love, but the ecstasy, excitement, strong passions and desires, and high emotion are very hard to keep up, so eventually we start to come down, typically after around 18 months to three years. If people have discussed their mutual values, shared ambitions, interests, etc., in some depth (obviously there will be some differences, which help make relationships interesting), and make plans, work on their personal development, etc., this can develop into a long and wonderful relationship. If one party feels insecure or low in self respect, that can make for a difficulties. It’s easy to behave at our best when in love, but a marriage type relationship involves a lot of self discipline, sacrifice, compromise and flexibility.
Teenage & 20s marriages are so very often disastrous in the longer term: it’s very hard to get to know and understand others until we get to know ourselves, our own needs, etc. which are still fluctuating a bit until we are “mature” (typically women in later 20s, men mid 30s). Hence, adolescents’ feelings often fluctuate somewhat. This is a very good reason for avoiding the emotionally bonding sexual intercourse, as it can so often lead to serious emotional confusion. This is the main reason why there are so many deeply unhappy people writing their questions here.
Good Luck!
No sweetie. Cheating is the cheater’s fault. If your cheater was untruthful to you, it no NOT your fault. It is HIS fault for not finding a solution to your common problems even though you thought they were solved. The bottom line here is simple: you are dealing with an unstable liar, cheater and manipulator. The minute you believe him, when he points his finger at you, his manipulation has succeeded. So do not believe for one second that you are at fault; you are not. Also, be careful; you dont know whether his sleeping around could bring you some STDs or other problems. You sound like a bright and sensitive girl; why would someone like you waste her time with a liar? Lose the loser. All the best.
This guy tried to put you on a guilt trip
When he was the one with no backbone
He tried to make you believe this was down to you
And as you say he could have talked to you
The only thing your to blame for
Is getting involved with him in the first place
Your hurt right now but it will pass
You can do better than a guy who plays mind games with you
The cheating is the fault of the one who does it. Cheaters like to have some reason to justify why it happened. In this case he wants to blame it on you. He’s a coward because rather than dealing with his problems he turned his back and ran. He will continue to do this in any relationship he is in.
Awhh, honey, it’s not your fault. As someone said below, cheating is the cheaters fault. & you’re right, nobody’s perfect. So I’m sure, at some point, you both had transgressions against each other. But the cheating was NOT your fault. Don’t let anyone tell you it was. Good luck, & I’m so sorry. ): You’re better off without that douche.
My ex-lover treated me the same way. Basically, he is with a women that he been seeing for along time. Him and this other women had something going on before you got in the picture. I will leave because and try not to get more involved with his lies and cheating ways. he will always make you feel bad. it only gets worse besides he might be seeing other women besides the one he is dating before you. I wouldnt try to put any more of my feeling in that man… leave why you can…..
No. We alone are responsible for our own actions
People and circumstances can certainly push us down a path that encourages us to make a choice but even then we are the only ones making that decision
As for this person’s actions, well you’re right
Most people will prefer to take the simplest path when it comes down to making a decision
What you need to understand is your level of being open and honest is not his way at all. He is a liar and a cheat, so why would you suddenly expect him to change his character and be honest about taking responsibility for his actions and choices?
Of course he’s gonna continue to lie to you — that’s how his character tells him it is OK to treat loved ones like that.
There’s no changing him.
My dear friend,I am happy that he has left you.You were not compatible to each other.And yes it is not your fault.Now best course for you is to forget him.It is a good riddance.It is always better to discard rotten fish.There are many better fish in the river/ocean.Just catch one better and fresh fish according to your taste,and be happy.You have all the rights in this world to be happy.
Source(s): I am a counsellor.
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