Two things, I think my mom is in an abusive relationship and is also depressed. I say she is in an abusive relationship with my stepdad. My stepdad makes her cry ALL the time, makes her think EVERYTHING is HER fault, controls her and her money, puts her down (by calling her fat and stupid), puts down her friends along with her/my family and more, puts down her job and tells her she could never make it alone. (he has recently started to put me down, will call me stupid, argue with me over stupid things, will make a rude comment to me because he doesn’t like me in a good mood, he doesn’t even notice my broken wrist or ever ask me about my sports). She (my mom) avoids coming home also. I know I am only 16 but in school an organization came in and talked to us about abusive relationships and everything matches up. I also think she is depressed and/or stressed out. She doesn’t care about anything anymore and I feel like she is always crying, I haven’t seen her truly laugh in a really long time, and she always just seems out of it. What should I do? I don’t know who to tell about my stepdad because I don’t want it to be turned around to him “abusing” me and me be taken from my mom. I truly love my mom and hate how she always is. I try to relieve her stress by making dinner for my sister and me, doing dishes, taking care of the cat, helping my sister do stuff for school, etc. but I am in an extremely hard school program and I can’t keep picking up slack/helping her out, it is stressing me out way to much and my grades are slipping like crazy. Please help
Update:
I want to tell someone but I don’t know who. My grandma and aunt (her sister) have tried to tell her and she either denies it or shrugs it off as nothing. I really don’t know how to tell a counselor at school, it isn’t their problem and doesn’t have to do with me.
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Go straight to your school psychologist, they specialize in this kind of thing. Even if the psychologist can’t do something herself, she can put you in the right direction. Maybe public services. Other than that, you can ask advice from public service hotlines. Just talk to someone who can lead you in the right direction. Sounds like your stepdad is controlling and often times behavior like that (being rude, making degrading comments etc.) is a step before more violent behavior. So don’t downplay what’s happening to your mom, and don’t let your mom let it go and say “it’s not that bad, it’s not abuse.” It IS abuse, and she needs someone to bring that into light.
My aunt was in a similar situation when she was married to her ex husband. He would control her life, take away her keys and lock her in the house, all because he was jealous that she might talk to another guy at work, whatever. I think he maybe progressed to hitting her, although she’s never admitted to it. But I can tell. Don’t let that happen to your mom.
As for you saying that it isn’t a counselor’s problem… it IS their problem. This is most definitely about your mom, but it’s also affecting your emotional health, and your grades. Those last two things are DEFINITELY their problem. They are you resources, definitely use them! I’m sure they will jump into action if they hear you say what you’ve said on this site.
Good luck, and I hope your mom separates herself from that guy, he sounds awful. 🙁
Start documenting EVERYTHING. Save each and every textual content, voicemail, or e mail in which he is threatening or verbally abusing you. You can use them to get a restraining order towards him and after the child is born it’s going to support your case in the event you have got to sue for visitation and it can be reason for him to not be allowed unsupervised visits along with your youngster. He isn’t going to be equipped to take your youngster from you so long as you’re blank from medicinal drugs and caring for the youngster. Courts customarily regularly prefer the mum so do not allow him scare you with that. This man feels like unhealthy information and also you must do your quality to avoid him and preserve your youngster clear of him. Your youngster shall be larger off with out a father than one like that. Just consider if he is treating you this fashion what he would possibly do for your youngster. No topic how repeatedly he apologizes or guarantees to difference he would possibly not until he will get a few critical support so do not consider him. Maybe you’ll be able to seem into counseling for your self? It would support to upgrade your self-worth and to supply you force to avoid this jerk. There are areas that present low or no fee counseling.
She certainly is being abused, no question about it. You should find a way to tell the school counsellor, abuse is a serious issue, and it affects everybody, not just your mother. Your mum sounds like she’s in denial at the moment, but she will eventually wake up and realise what’s going on. It’s got everthing to do with you – because it’s affecting your family life and causing you unnecessary stress. Go see the counsellor ok? They are trained to deal with situations such as these.
I think you are an Angel for your service.
You do need to talk to someone. Your Aunt and Grandma don’t really seem to have much pull with your Mom.I think you can confide in them, but it doesn’t sound like it will make anything happen. Free will is a VERY powerful thing and it is EXTREMELY frustrating to sit and watch someone use their free will to destroy themself. This guy of your mom’s is obviously in a bad place, emotionally. He needs help.
There are only two options that will change anything. One is she has to get leave him, but she’s scared and emotionally beaten down. The second is he and/or your mom have to see their faults and change their hearts. It is just like all of the Religious wars in this world: You can go over there and with your Military might, you can kill them. However, that will not change people’s minds, beliefs or moral codes, etc.
Until their hearts are changed and they come to God, these wars will go on and on because they are all so fundamentally and morally opposite of each other. Killing them just makes new ones rise up in anger. They have to change their hearts for peace to be. Your mom’s husband has to change his heart or nothing short of her leaving him will solve this. Look to God. Counselors are just fine as long as their treatment is not to just shove some depression pill at your Mom. That’s the WORST thing to do. The second worst thing to do is ignore it all.
Take Mom to a Dr. and seek treatment for depression…ask for referral to a counselor or psychologist. Ask school counselors for a family counselor….by referral.
Then you and Mom start going to family counseling…I assume stepdad wont attend. During cunseling, some possible solutions will come ouit.
Sounds to me like an abusive relationship. You should get help right away before it gets worse. Talk to a trusted adult. teacher, counsler, grandma or grandpa. If you explain to them the situation they can try and help it and you wont have the stress or worry.