I’m constantly working different rotas full time I am a young mum but I don’t get any benefit apart from working tax credit, I am feeling so low because It feels like I am not spending enough time with my child? Is this going to effect her? She always has the best of everything! And I’m living with my mum so I have support in childcare when I’m working over nights. I’m really worried that I’m not spending enough time with her as she goes to her fathers saturday and sunday! What can I do? Apart from give up my job.
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✅ Answers
Children do not need “the best of everything”. They need to live a comfortable childhood combined with time spent with their mother and father (if possible).
The fact is that sadly in the modern age parents concentrate too much on the materialistic things or sometimes even on the time spent with children which can have just as negative effect if overdone. There needs to be a balance between the two and it is difficult to achieve so no one gets it perfect, we just do our best! You sound like you’re a lone parent and unfortunately that does lead to problems due to a much reduced income however it can still be done with practise.
My suggestion would be to work out what you want to teach your child and what your child needs, then plan your life around that. For example:
I want to spend time with my children (I want to influence their attitudes, morals behaviour and to accept my method of discipline) but not too much time (otherwise I believe they will become overdependant on my presence, have a lack of imagination because I do everything for them and become generally needy and… boring! ).
I want my children to have a comfortable childhood where they don’t want for anything they NEED (a house that isn’t overcrowded, I don’t discuss money problems, I buy food, gas and electric first, I don’t get into debt but keep a good credit rating incase they need help when they’re older, I make sure they have toys as I believe children learn through play) BUT I don’t want them to be spoilt and never satisfied with what they have (I avoid electronic toys with whistles and bells and flashing lights, I get toys that encourage learning, I say “no” and explain why if something is too expensive so they can learn the value of money, I teach them things rather than buying them things and I give them experiences and memories far more than I give them objects).
So that’s the balance to strike. I would suggest renegotiating childcare. Get her father to take her every other weekend (go through the courts if you have to) and during the week every other week perhaps, try and work out a compromise between you, preferably without arguing! That will mean you can take her away for the weekend, go to London, go to Wales, hop on a train and go somewhere who cares where, make effective memories, don’t just sit at home and play all the time!
If you find you really can’t negotiate anything else, I would suggest looking at your working hours. If you’re working over night keep that job, she’s asleep and will hardly notice you’re gone! Sacrifice the otherjob if you have to and just work part-time, claim Housing Benefit to top up your income with the WTC. Yes, you’ll struggle more financially but review your budget, spend much less on “things” and spend more on doing things and going places, she may rebel at first as it’s a change but she’ll appreciate it more when she looks back and in her education.
In the end it’s down to you, try and strike that work-life balance, you’re clearly not happy at the moment. However… don’t leave work. You need to show her work is a part of life and it is expected of her, she should grow up to be ashamed of being out of work but willing to accept benefit support while she needs it. It’s a VERY hard thing to teach!
talk to your boss and see if there is a way you can work it out so you work when your child is with her father and have your days off at a time when she is with you. your boss might well be very understanding.
in the mean time if you want things to change keep looking for a job with hours that suit your needs better.
it is tough that you have to work full time if you could afford it you could try and cut down on hours.
is there a job you would rather be doing? look at steps you can take to get into that job. wether that is going back to college or getting into a new department at your work place.
I think you should ask her father to take her the days that you have now. If not possible sit her down and tell her how much you love her and that you going to work will help her later on with college and stuff like this. I know this because my mother is always on business and at work from 8 to 4 and I am fine.
first of all you have to understand that you child needs motherly love than any other thing so i suggest you see you boss and reduce your working hours. by doing that you will have a state of mine that both your child and job are satisfied with you.