I am 23 years old and is currently doing a Masters degree and have 4 months left before I finish.
I have been seeing this man for 1 year now – he is separated and is finalizing his divorce.
Recently, I became pregnant (now 5 weeks since last period)
I intend to keep the baby as personally i do not see why i should not.
the father of the baby really wants me to keep it.
however, when i told my mom about it. she went away for 2 days and come back to tell me to abort it. i just burst out crying……i dont know why but i already feel like i love this baby. he is my first baby and it is scary. it’s daunting. the fears are phenomenal but somehow i feel like i can do anything for him…my precious one.
however i do understand my mom’s point of view that she thinks i’m not ready (financially as i don’t have a job yet-still studying), the father of the baby is still finalizing his divorce and he has 3 kids from previous marriage (now 45), and that potentially, if i abort, i could have a much better future.she said i can have one with the guy in a few years.
the truth is….my feeling right now is that i just want to keep my baby …it’s such a dilemma between obeying mom and keeping baby…on one hand my mom was there for me all my life…although she’s a little complainy but she loves me the most. on the other hand, a baby who is seeking shelter in me…a vulnerable life needs protection.
i’m just not sure what to do and i’ve been stressed for a week…
please don’t condemn me for having a baby with a not-yet-divorced guy…i can assure you that his kids are well aware of me and that they are comfortable around me and my partner’s mom kind of like me. she wants me to keep the baby.
the problem is how to convince my own mom.
if you were in my shoes, will you ‘choose your own future’ or ‘kill your baby’?
(i dont even know if my future will be that bright without the baby)
thank you so much for every thought/opinion
ps: i wouldn’t want to have any more babies if i can’t keep this one.it’s so heartbreaking……..
i don’t even want to think about aborting my baby.
even if my mom says you can have one a few years later when ur ready, but this reason is not on for me.
Update:
my mom confessed that she had one before when she was not ready…
she based this on the reasoning that if you can’t be ready and provide for the baby, then you might as well not let him born to suffer amongst your un-readiness. (i hope you understand my weird vocabs)
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✅ Answers
So, let me ask you some questions:
Is this guy going to marry you? Have you set a date? Have you been dating him long enough that you have a clear idea of why his marriage failed: not just what he says but what other people who know him say?
Do you know why a 45-year-old guy is dating a 23-year-old? Not to judge, but could it be that a 45-year-old woman would see through his BS?
Do you have a plan for how you will support a baby if this relationship falls through? How will you work and take care of a child? Do you know how much child care costs? I’m sorry, you may not have thought that this relationship will fail, but a guy who’s recently divorced may associate you with the unhappiness of the divorce, or he may realize he wants to have some fun time before settling down.
You don’t have to have an abortion. You are a 23-year-old woman with a college education. You don’t need the approval of your mother. However, she is wise. It’s worth listening to her. So don’t worry about convincing her.
You could also consider not having an abortion but not committing to raising the child yourself. Yes, you love your child, but if you look around in eight months and this guy still hasn’t gotten around to finalizing his divorce, and he hasn’t committed to marrying you, then you might consider adoption as a way of having the baby and making sure that it’s raised by a loving couple who really want it and can afford it.
Your future will be bright whether you have a baby or not.
03
Let’s say that it’s two years from now. You and your boyfriend are married, and you have a beautiful little girl. You love being her mom and you stay home with her so you can spend time together while your husband works outside the home.
One day, he is killed in an accident on the way to work. You can’t find a job and you lose your home. Would your first thought be, “I should kill my little girl as a solution” or might you, just might you, find a way to work things out?
My husband and I have had plenty of money, and no money at all, while raising our girls. My point is that even if everything *was* perfect right now, there is no guarantee things would stay that way. Through it all, we just kept going forward, trusting God and taking the next step.
You know that you love your little one, and you will live the rest of your life with terrible regret if you kill her because you want stuff. There will never ever be enough stuff to replace your child – no accomplishment will ever be enough, no possession will ever satisfy because what you really want is what you have now – your precious, irreplaceable little one. : )
Wishing you well.
01
If you’re really not ready, then adoption is an option. However, if money is the only issue than simply get a small job and live on the basics for a while, it’s very doable and it wont “make the child suffer” to not have all the top-notch things in the world. I think you and your kid will be just fine as long as you’re devoted, you don’t need to “obey” your mother at 23.
30
I personally am anti-abortion. For everyone else I’m pro-choice. Each person has to make their own choice.
YOU have got to sit down and weigh all three choices: abort, keep, or adoption. It is your child not your mom’s. I’m sure this is going to be the toughest decision of your life. I feel for you.
Whatever you decide be confident in the outcome and own it or you’ll live with regret or guilt for the rest of your life.
I don’t believe in luck, good or bad, so here’s hoping everything turns out okay for you sweetie.
00
I am 20 years old, was 19 when my partner and I decided to start a family, yes we are young but we felt ready. Personally its your choice. We didn’t care what our parents though. It is our lives, our choices. We are adults as are you.
You want to keep the baby, that’s your choice. You mother will get over it, you are an adult and should not need her approval. If you get an abortion because your mother doesn’t approve then you are going to strongly regret it.
You and your partner need to make this decision yourselves. Without anyone else influences.
Good luck.
20
You need to do whats right for and not what your mom says you need to do. This is YOUR baby not your moms and it will take her awhile to be ok with you having a baby. But she will get over it. I know you love your mom and want to please her but sometimes you just need put what your mom says to the side and do what you want. It’s your life do what makes you happy. You can email me or whatever if you need someone to talk to.
Source(s): from experiances in my own life10
you are a legal adult & don’t need your mother’s approval or permission to live. see a counselor more frequently & discuss adoption with your OB and an attorney.
40
do not get an abortion. you should ask your mom about the brothers/sisters you may have had but didnt because of her selfishness.
she should have put that baby up for aboption.
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