So first of all my parents have been divorced since i was 7 cus he cheated.. And he used to get me and my younger sister every other weekend. At first he was really good about getting us for his weekend even though it was six hours one way from where he lived.. Then after about two years it got to the point where we’d be packed and waiting by the door not knowing if we would see our dad at all until like 3 hours after he was supposed to come get us… Sometimes it made me really sad and feel like he didnt care enough but none of that mattered when he actually showed up, i just wanted to see my dad.. I really like his girlfriend too she was so nice and she had a daughter who i got along really well with. I used to hope they’d get married cus i really liked them. My mom had gotten remarried when i was 11 or 12 and had my brother with my step dad who i really liked also. when i was 13 my dad and his girlfriend broke up.. By that time i was only seeing my dad for about a month in the summer a week at christmas and maybe spring break. And then it got less and less. The last time i saw my dad was spring break in when i was in 8th grade and im a sophomore in high school now. He called a couple times around the fall of 2011 and he said he was gonna come get us for christmas but he never showed up.. The last thing ive heard from him was him saying happy birthday on facebook.. My mom says he’s hiding from her because she’s suing him for child support. Anyways i was on facebook today and he has a new girlfriend for a while now.. I knew about her but only through facebook. Ive never met her at all.. She has kids and she looks nice to me. But i noticed it said they were engaged and a bunch of people were telling them congrats.. I don’t even know if i’m invited or not.. I’d like to go.. I started crying alot after that.. I miss him so much. I just want my dad back, i want to have a relationship with him.. i feel like he doesnt care about me anymore.. What should i do?
✅ Answers
Answerer 1
I think you should disassociate with him in case he isn’t willing to take care or be with you. I know this is hard to accept, but then you should look for happiness in some other person – some other relationship.
Answerer 2
Hon, this has nothing to do with you.
Your father is a very self-involved person. That means he gets so wrapped up in what is happening to him in his life, others get forgotten about. A self involved person also thinks that everything is all about them. As a consequence, they really can’t have a close relationship with anyone…it tends to be all one sided and that side is theirs. I betcha this personality flaw also contributed to your parent’s divorce. He came across even without the cheating issue as only caring about what impacted him directly-and unfortunately, he only cares about himself, his needs, his wants, etc……he was never taught to think beyond himself and consider the feelings of others as important too. This is usually the end result of the way he was brought up as young children are self involved and must be taught to give consideration to others, but it also can be part of his basic personality, too so maybe his parents were unable to teach him consideration of the Other….
A truly committed dad would never let owing back support stop him from having a good healthy relationship with his kids…..this tells me he’s a bit of a coward as well….
He cares about you as much as he can care about anyone….in his ‘book’, He will always put himself first.Others, including his ex-GF….your mother, and any and all of his children, are afterthoughts. Even this new woman will be. betcha this marriage if it even gets to the altar, will be a bust in a few years, when he sees she will not revolve her entire life around him.
As hard as it is now, and as miserable as you feel….as you grow and mature you will learn to focus upon those who have remained a true constant in your Life, whether they share DNA with you or not. Put Dad in the background of your life for now and concentrate on those who joyfully share your life on a daily basis NOW….maybe one day DAD will wise up but do NOT count on it….relationships are a two way street and until HE learns that the streets don’t run all in his direction, he will be scarce in your life…..
My kids are adults ( I have four) their own father actually turned his back on them when he left me and his family enabled it which completely floored me…but you know what? MY own family was there…they filled in all the empty places and spaces and you know what? My kids all turned out fine. Then I remarried when the youngest was 19 and they all call their step-dad ‘awesome’….they don’t miss the lack of their bio-father in their lives now because their lives are so full of those who do care for them.
Fill you life with those who truly care about you…and you don;t have to look too hard to find them, either…Life is full of speed bumps…some folk get more than their fair share..but if you concentrate on the good stuff you DO have, the not so good stuff will seems less important. Sounds to me you have a lot of GOOD STUFF……and that makes you lucky. A Mom, a sister, a little brother (cool)..and hopefully, your step-dad is still there-is he ‘awesome’ too? Well then, can’t get better than that. Aunts, Uncles, cousins, grandparents, friends at school?-see what I mean? Lucky girl, you. Many don’t even have that.
Answerer 3
has he already started sending out invites? if not, congratulate him as well, but in a way making sure he sees your congrats out of the others. Remind him of that side of his family. Tell him you miss him and that you hope to get an opportunity to see him again soon.
i can’t guarantee anything but trying to get your self noticed while they are planning the wedding is sure to help.
AND TO THAT GUY WHO ALSO RESPONDED: Don’t enter a relationship because you want the attention your dad was to busy to give. it is a very dangerous and unstable way to enter a relationship. don’t think that because you dad was never around that it was in any way your fault. don’t think that you have to earn his attention. you have probably heard that stuff be4… but i don’t want you taking advise from a random guy who just wants you to get over it. its never that simple. Be mature in your choices. please don’t take that other guys advise and enter a relationship looking for that love your dad was to busy to give. it will leave you open to all kinds of hurt.
Source(s):
i have no sources.
Answerer 4
I think that you should call him, or at the very least message him on facebook (privately) and tell him how you feel.
Parents sometimes get into very messy situations when they are going through a divorce, or child support agreements. I am positive that your dad would be thrilled if he knew that you were thinking of him, and missing him.
It would be good for both of you to reestablish that contact and work on a relationship.
Answerer 5
I agree with the other posters but with slightly different reasoning.
You are wonderful for loving him and caring about him despite all the heartbreak. A lot of people (myself included) would get bitter and angry. You should do all you can to try and reestablish a relationship. If he doesn’t respond to that, it’s his loss, but at least you will always know you did the best you could.
So, send him a private facebook message, email, or letter (I don’t think calling would be best in this situation). Get your feelings out reasonably and calmly. Tell him you love him, you’re happy for him, you miss him, and you’d love to try to reconnect. Try not to make him feel guilty. Just tell him how you feel and that you would like to get to know and be a part of his new family.
As far as the wedding, if he’s just gotten engaged, they probably aren’t even really planning a wedding yet, and the wedding probably won’t be for a year or so. So don’t worry about the invite right now. It may be that he has been planning on inviting you, but they’re not even close to that stage yet. Regardless, attempting to reestablish contact now is a good idea, and hopefully you’ll have gone a good way toward repairing your relationship by the time invites should go out.
If he doesn’t respond how you’re hoping, please please know that you did what you could, and it’s his inadequacies causing the problem. It’s not you. You’ve done the right thing.
Good luck!
Answerer 6
If they have only just got engaged they probably haven’t even thought about the wedding yet.
Why don’t you send your dad a private message on facebook saying that you saw he was engaged and that his new fiancee seems really nice and that you would love to meet her.
Then go from there, by asking if you will be invited to the wedding as you would like to be there to help him celebrate such an important day in his life.
You sound like a great person being so understanding about the distance and time between you and your dad. It could be that he is embarrassed to contact you as he knows he didn’t treat you all that well and would be glad to have you start a conversation.
Answerer 7
I am so sorry for all the sadness you had as a child, but today is today and you must live in the here and now and leave the past where it belongs…in the past. You can’t move forward if you keep looking backwards, having said all that mumbo jumbo, here’s my advice. Send your Dad a heartfelt message on FB, tell you how much you miss him and how much you love him and that you want him in your life, that you have missed so much in the past and you want to be part of his future and for him to be part of yours. Let it all pour out without making him feel guilty. Let him know that you’d love to be part of his special day and want to move forward. I would limit what you tell your mom as they don’t have a great relationship and this is between you and your dad.
If he doesn’t respond back then it’s his loss, sometimes we have to let go and let God. Let him know that you really and truly want him to be part of everything, your wedding some day, his grandchildren, etc. I hope your father is smart enough to realize how lucky he is to have a child who wants him in their lives when there are so many kids who want no part of their parents until it’s too late. Good luck.