I have started volunteering for an organisation where I visit an elderly lady once a week in her home to help her use her lap top. She is a Jewish refugee and her parents died in Aushwitz, I do not know much more about her past as that is all she told me so far.
She is a nice lady, although I have noticed something just a little “off” about the way she relates to me. For example the first time I went there she started asking me all sorts of questions about my family, said I am a very pretty girl and asked me if I have a boyfriend etc. Ok, I thought that was a little personal, but I simply thought that she is lonely (she is very old), and has no children and that she was just being friendly with me. The next time (I’ve only been there three times), she asked me if I like perfume which one etc and then she commented on my hair saying it looks pretty and where do I get it cut. I don’t know if this is just me, I just found it a bit odd why she is commenting on my appearance so often.
Last week she told me she is reading this book which is really naughty and she was showing it to me which again I thought was very odd to do to me as a young girl, but maybe she is just being friendly, I don’t know, this is just how I felt.
Then later as we were by the computer she was asking me what my father does for a living, I told her and she was impressed by his job, she said it is nice to have a father who is famous (my father is not famous, I said he is not famous, he is just respected in his profession that’s all). Then she said “I knew a lot of famous people”, in a way which, implied to me there was more to the story she wasn’t telling me, but I didn’t ask how come.
Out of interest I put her name on the internet because I thought there might be something about her ( I feel bad about doing that but I just felt like I wanted to know if there was anything after all I am visiting her alone in her home). It came up that in the past she was a madam of a vice ring of call girls/prostitutes who served prominent British men. She was arrested with another woman. Her name is unusual and it totally fits with how she told me she knew famous people and the way in which she speaks to me kind of.
I have no idea how she got into this and she seems to be a religious person now, but I feel the whole thing is icky and although you shouldn’t judge someone on what they did in the past if they have moved on from it I am finding it hard to put this to the back of my mind which I have to do when I visit her now. Again I know it was in the past (she is 93 years old now and this was fifty years ago), but I just find how she used and abused women for her benefit really disturbing, I’m not judging that’s just what I feel. She also has my phone number which unsettles me a little.
If you were me, would you continue to visit her? Should I just forget I ever saw this and go and simply give her company and help with her lap top or should I , as my friend says slip away in order to distance myself from ick which is not good for me as a young girl.
What do you think?
✅ Answers
Answerer 1
It’s smart that you actually looked her up online. At least you’re aware now whether it be for good or bad. As for me, personally, I may not want to visit her if I were in your position. If I absolutely had to go, I wouldn’t convey any personal information to her and be strictly professional with her such as doctors do to their patients (they don’t really respond to personal questions) or you can always make something up. Everything you say doesn’t necessarily have to be an honest answer so long as you’re not hurting her. After finding out what her past is, you may not really enjoy what you’re doing if you continue to go.
Answerer 2
1 Do not pry into her past – let it lie.
2 She is merely being a typical “granny” in her questions
3 She may still be disturbed by her family war time experiences
4 Mention all this to your supervisor and ask for advice
5 If really uncomfortable ask for another placement
Answerer 3
I wouldnt visit her she sounds creepy o-o even though she is a old lady and doesnt have anyone to talk to its yet wierd all thos questions
Answerer 4
She sounds like a good laugh!
You are really lucky to have met someone who has a good story and a rich personality.
What an interesting lively person she must have been, and what an interesting if slightly less lively person she is now!
Prostitution may be an unsavory profession, and not one I’d endorse, but it is still known as the “world’s oldest profession” because over thousands of years attitudes to sex and women have varied so much from time to time and place to place. It may well be that your “Madame” treated her girls very well and they chose to work for her.
Does she seem like the sort of person who’d abuse people? It is possible the girls chose to work for her because of the money and conditions. If they worked for famous people, it would suggest they were “High class” (yeah, I know it sounds silly) call-girls with stories of their own to tell.
You may not exactly approve of the behaviour for yourself, or for your future offspring, but that doesn’t mean you can’t find her outlook interesting.
Your generation are raised to think differently. Her stories are now just memories that can’t harm you.
Accept her compliments, listen to her stories and for goodness-sake don’t judge her for a naughty taste in books. I work in a Library, I’ve seen every kind of person read every kind of book.
There’s nothing icky about her just because she is a sexual person.
After all, it’s not like she’s trying to pimp you out!
I’d love to meet someone like her!
Source(s):
Just me.
Answerer 5
I’d still visit her. She is elderly and while she might have a colourful past she obviously needs support now. You may never know what drove her to be a Madam, maybe she had no choice or could not survive another way. It is easy for us to judge her but life is rarely a cut and dried as it seems.
Her questions just sound like she is a lonely old lady.
Answerer 6
As you are not comftable with her just do not visit her anymore,its simple!
Answerer 7
If you don’t feel comfortable don’t go
Answerer 8
You shouldn’t continue to visit her. Well, if you continue, you won’t feel comfortable around her anyway. Let’s imagine what if she agrees to take money from a middleman and ask him to get you..as you’re pretty and she seems to be interested in you. I’m just being imaginative but still, it’s not so safe to be around her if she asked you those odd questions and always pays attention at your appearance.
Answerer 9
Well, you don’t say how young you are, but at some point in life, you will need to learn to deal effectively with people who make you uncomfortable.
No time like the present.
Obviously, it is unkind to use details she did not reveal to you against her.
And I am talking about your negative feelings.
If you hadn’t snooped, you wouldn’t be feeling that stuff.
But in the end, she is a human being, and she is an elderly person in need of assistance.
How would YOU want to be treated?
When it comes to her talking about things that make you uncomfortable, you could simply change the subject. If she pushes simply say you aren’t comfortable discussing that kind of stuff.
And consider that it could be far worse.
At 93, be glad that your issues with her are not things like Alzheimer’s, or hygiene related stench and a poorly kept home, or a bazillion cats or something.
Count your blessings and do what you’d want done for you.
Answerer 10
Inform your parent/guardian of what you know, keep them informed as to when you visit this woman, keep an emergency number on speed-dial, be cautious should she ask you to go anywhere for her.
She’s likely out of the game now, and is simply dwindling. There’s little point for you not to see her unless things grow to an extreme.
Source(s):
Typical concern.