So I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years, living with him for 2. I am 30 and he is 33. I knew going into the relationship that he enjoys going out most nights but had expected him to be ready to settle down by now. Recently we have been fighting a lot, and he has been getting rather violent. He has actually said to me that he wants to be violent with me. It seems that he is consistently verbally abusing me, and has actually went the point of slapping me. I brought up marriage and he has said numerous times that he does not believe in marriage and that he does not plan on marrying me. He has said things like, just pack your things and leave, that he wants me to back off, etc. But then today when I threatened that if he wanted me to leave I would literally never talk to him again, he seemed to get upset and said, “I just never want to fight like this again.” As usual he expects me to brush off the fight and pretend like everything is okay until it happens again in about a week. He has helped me a lot financially which may make him feel more comfortable when he is being manipulative. He also as been acting very sketchy lately. His phone is now password-protected, he leaves lines blurry when talking about where he is going, and is acting like he could care less. So, what do you think I should do? Should I stay or should I go?
Update:
Also, I should include that I have also gotten violent with him.
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To recap:
1) Live in boyfriend getting increasingly violent
2) Live in boyfriend physically abusive
3) Live in boyfriend verbally abusive
Does the above describe someone you would want your daughter to marry? NO! So you want to stay with this guy because?????
Well, do you really think he is going to change now if he hasn’t changed at all (except for the worse) in the last 3 years?
I mean, really the fact is it doesn’t sound like you two are on the same page when it comes to life goals and beliefs. It sounds like he has quite a bit of growing up to do and I’m sorry, but at 33, he should have a better grip on his life. Really, there’s no way to know if he is going to mature ever and getting into a relationship expecting or trying to force change is a bad idea.
Also consider, let’s say you do stay with him and decide to just ignore his behavior or forgive him every time he gets out of control. To what end? Him actually beating you and not just slapping? You growing resentful because you’re not happy and have wasted time on him hoping for a change?
Honestly, I say leave. Ending a 3 year relationship is difficult and painful, but I think in the long run it would be much better for you. I would do it all at once too, pack up all your stuff, find a place and go there and break it off with him at that same time. Maybe even have a friend or a family member with you to back you up in case he loses it and tries to hit you or force you to stay.
Honey why are you asking a question you already know the answer to? Read what you wrote. What would you tell the person writing this? Leave him. He is poison. He wants you to stay so he can continue to cheat on you, abuse you, and you will take it. Run, go now, don’t look back.
The reason why you BOTH are violent is because you both are not suited for each other. It has nothing to do with his flaws and yours. You both are incompatible. Move on, because sounds like he doesn’t fit your dealbreakers.
I used to be in a relationship like that. We did not see eye to eye on some important issues. It brought out the worst in myself and himself. When we separated, I refound myself. I don’t have the same issue with my new guy. I didn’t have intense arguments like I did with my ex. Someone who brings out the worst in me is not worth staying…
You do need to leave him. Everyone deserves someone who treats them like the most precious thing on Earth & it doesn’t seem like you get even half that.
You are tiwsted if you have to ask this question. Drop him on his *** b4 one of you kills the other.
If you go there will be trouble. But if you stay there might be double.
love, re-read what you wrote…. the real question is WTF is keeping you in this one-sided relationship? he IS NOT what you want or need him to be, and he obviously isnt going to change.. time to go honey girl, sorry 🙁