I have 2 children, a boy and girl, ages 5 and 7 respectively. At the beginning of my relationship with my husband, we had a rough time at Christmas with my kids who were only 3 and 5 at the time. They weren’t allowed to touch anything, eat anything, pet the dog, etc. Needless to say they were cranky and uncooperative. The biological grandson (age 2) was of course allowed to do whatever he wanted. Since that time, my children are looked down upon by the grandparent and step aunts and uncles, even though there has been no outbursts or any complications with my kids since then. My husbands mother now has to live with us because she lost her job, and she makes it abundantly clear that my children just annoy her. She rolls her eyes when I say the kids are going to “xyz..” and then gets upset when I don’t ask her permission for the children to attend said function. My husband is caught in the middle of this but agrees with me. I have told my mother in law how I felt about this and all she can say is “I don’t know what to tell you.” I am at my wits end – should I just come to the realization that she just doesn’t care (even though she says she does, but its incredibly insincere and I never believe her)?
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There is no way I would allow my husband’s mother to live in my house if she was rude, cruel, etc. to my children. If she was nice to their faces, then I would let it go. The way I figure it, they are strangers to her. She has no biological connection to them in any way. If you and your husband got divorced tomorrow, it is very likely that she would never see them again. Given the extremely high rate of divorce for second marriages, she might be bracing herself for that. I don’t think it is fair to expect her to treat your children the way she would treat her biological grandchildren. I do think that it is completely and totally reasonable for you to expect and require that she treat them with kindness – but kindness does not mean you should expect her to treat them equally. Your children have their own grandparents – your parents and your ex’s parents.
I can’t imagine how hard this is for you, because I KNOW that my mama bear instinct would kick in and I would want her to love and adore my children the way she loves and adores her own biological grandchild. But I hope I would be logical enough to realize that, when I made the decision to remarry and have another child with my new husband, things would be more complicated – especially for my older children.
what an ungrateful witch. she is living in your home. her rules do not apply in your home. tell her to keep her hateful trap shut or find somewhere else to live.
and if she ever does live somewhere else, here’s a rule my sister in law has to enforce with her MIL. if you can’t treat step-grandchildren and biological grandchildren the same with no discrimination then you just lost your rights to the biological grandchildren.
all this helps if your husband is standing beside you when you say this. it shows he is on your side not hers and that her hatefulness will not be tolerated.
EDIT: ben that was an ugly thing to say. i had a daughter when my husband and i started dating. she has only known him. he eventually adopted her. and let me tell you his family does not discriminate between her and the son we have together. not all people are so single minded.
EDIT: sorry people but it is not unreasonable to expect everyone to treat all the children equally. that is how we do it in my family. as there are a lot of step children/parents/grandparent… the reason is kids will not understand and will be hurt when one is favored so obviously over the other. anyone who is going to bring that kind of negativity to MY children in MY home can get the f*** out. so what she is expecting for her kids is very reasonable. she should be kind or step out.
i have never known someone to be so hateful. i wish the best fo you, i really hope this works out.
There’s a place for people like her, it’s called hell. I mean it! God doesn’t like ugly, she’ll meet her maker one day as we all will, and she’ll be the one standing before him in judgment having to explain her evil ways. In the mean time, what makes those aunts and uncles so special? I mean, are you telling me that your husband doesn’t have one brother or sister that likes you and your kids? Some people are just nasty, and you’ll never change that, but tell them what you think. I can’t believe your husband stands for this kind of behavior, mother or not. He should be telling her to grow up and act like the lady she’s supposed to be. Remember, she’s in your house now and you don’t need to get her consent for anything that you chose to do. Tell her like it is, and tell your husband that if she cant respect you she has to go. You should not be made to fell this way in your own home, and it’s ridiculous for her to act this way. Your kids are innocent, they have done nothing wrong, yet they’re being punished. You can’t make her feel something she doesn’t, but you can put her out of your house. You don’t deserve to be treated this way, and neither do they. Your husband has to put his foot down here. I’d say the three of you need to sit down and get this al out in the open.
you know i’m very sorry she treats your kids like that but you should have drawn the line: kick her old *** out if she cant respect your kids! after all, you and your husband are helping her out, the least thing she could do is shut her trap up! it just makes me angry when people act like this. my own biological grandmother doesn’t care too much for me —- cuz i’m chunky! better yet, clock that ***** out in her eye…well dream about doing it, you’ll just start bigger issues. lol
tell her anyone who doesn’t at least ‘like’ your children are not welcome in your home.
what do you mean they’re not allowed to eat? its your home, and i seem to doubt she let the 2 y o eat and your kids just sat there.
tell her right out she has to leave, whether your husband likes it or not. no she doesn’t like your kids, she resents them very much, if everything you claim is true. so now what exactly are you going to do about it?
a mother bear would be more protective of her offspring.
Tell her to shut up, because she is:
1) Living under YOUR roof.
2) They are YOUR children (biological, or not, it is still yours.)
3) If she doesn’t like it, tell her to go to a nursing home.
IF, you’re not that cold hearted.
Then tell her: “What part of my children do you not like.” She should give you answer that you should work out.
your “husband” never should’ve married a single parent mother with other men’s babies. his family resents you for it. it’s understandable. he needs to do the right thing and leave you and put his real family first. eventually he’ll find a woman that can give him a fresh start just like he’s able to give her a fresh start and she’ll get along just fine with his family. you’re never going to fit in no matter how sincere your attempts are. if you don’t want to wait around for him to leave you then leave him first. the sooner you move on with your life the better.
The fact is, she lives in your home so she really should tone down her attitude before you and your man get sick of it and boot her out. Kids can be brats, I had my own, but they are your kids, end of story.
Is this your family or his??? Because someone isn’t standing up for the family!!!!!!!
Whoever’s family it is, needs to take a stand. this is OUR family, these are OUR CHILDREN, and we raise and treat them ANY WAY WE WANT!!! And GO TO HELL if you don’t agree!
And WHY are you so afraid to tell off these bunch of jerks????? They’re inflexible, judgmental, non-corporative, not understanding of young children!!!!!
Tell her that she is rude and ungrateful. She is living under your roof sucking up your money? And thinks she can treat your family like crap. Hell no! Pack your bags grandma….