what do you do if your kids are…?

Change my parenting ways since it obviously isn;t working what “I” am doing. or just take all there stuff away.

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Have you heard of the “nature versus nurture” debate? If you believe in the “nurture” side of things, then how your kids turn out depends on their environment. If they’re loved, taught to behave, etc., then they’ll become responsible kids/adults. There is *some* truth in that. What you feed your kids also comes under the heading of “nurture” of course. Hyperactive/disobedient kids are often fed high sugar/calorie diets.

But a lot of people deny that “nature” plays a role: e.g. that their or others’ kids were born trouble-makers. It is *definitely* true that a kid can be born far more intelligent than others, and despite being raised in the same environment, so why can it not be true that they were born anti-social and destructive? At school, they disrupt others and when they grow up they become seriously violent criminals.

I’m not sure how much nurture plays a role and how much nature does. But the bottom line is, once you have tried everything, and really put your heart into it, consulting books and experts, and you STILL get no results, you can’t be too hard on yourself and instead blame nature :).

Look for something positive, maybe? Messing around in ALL their classes or just some of them? First you need to know why your kids are so demotivated. Have you thought of sitting down with them, talking about why they dislike school, what’s causing them to want to be disruptive? If this is something new, then what’s changed in their lives in or out of school?

Withdrawing privileges is all very well, but “carrots” have been proven to be more effective than “sticks” in managing children’s behaviour. You don’t say how old your kids are, so it’s difficult to know what would motivate them, but some sort of reward system might help. When they come home with a good report or grade, then they get a sticker or small privilege, building to something bigger at the end of every week that they manage to avoid the bad behaviours they’ve developed recently (I assume). It doesn’t have to be anything expensive….some family activity that they enjoy. If you can open up communications with them, maybe you could negotiate what the rewards could be.

It depends how old they are.

Naughty step for younger children. Structured punishments are good for all ages. Children need discipline and like boundaries. Once crossed there has to be a consequence and they should know what to expect. for example a warning first, then a suitable punishment like being sent to their room for half an hour, extra chores, grounding, no TV etc.

Children need to learn to respect others and in return people will respect them but respect must be earned and they won’t respect you unless you earn it also. This means sticking by your word whether that is following through on a punishment or a promise to do something with them.

Treats for good behaviour are more powerful than punishments for bad behaviour.

Give children more attention when they are being good and less when they are bad or they will learn to act up to get your attention and basically that’s what people of all ages want – attention from the people they love.

In relation to school, if you have time get involved with the school, it doesn’t have to be a lot but the more the better. Get to know the staff and get a good relationship with them. If your children know you are around the school occasionally and they know you will hear asap if they act up it will help to calm them.

Be more involved with homework that way you will know that they are doing it, what they have problems with (consider extra tutoring to help catch up) and their grades will improve. Get a routine going of getting home, do homework, then dinner (have them at the kitchen table studying while you are making dinner and help them?), then activity, bath, bed. They will thank you for it and you will have better behaved children.

Good Luck.

Find out why they are messing about. It may be the work is too hard, boring or easy or some other reason. Have regular chats with the teachers and include the child too then you can let the child know the boundaries and help him with his problems. Be supportive to the child. I remember what it was like having to go to school everyday when I didn’t really want to be there, so put yourself in their shoes. Maybe setting up a reward system could also help.

It’s hard to say as I dont know the age of your children!

But possible advice I have:

1) Speak to them-maybe there’s something wrong, something they dont understand?

2) Are they doing work thats going over their head or too easy-sometimes if a child isn’t properly stimuated they get bored easily and disputive!

3) Are they settled at home? This is not meant to be insultive-if something has happened at home that has been upsetting it could effect behaviour and school life.

4) Speak to the teachers about how they deal with behaviour, do the children get praise and encouragement when they DO show GOOD behaviour?

5) At home are you praising good efforts? Sometimes verbal praise or a hug is a great boost!

My sister has ADHD and she was a terror for teachers-mainly because most werent aware she had it! She used to get in trouble, get sent out of class, not do homework etc. Luckily she decided on a career she wanted found out which subjects she needed to be good at and focused on them and we just accepted she wouldnt concerntrate in the others.

Hope I’ve been some help to you!

Source(s): Experiences at work and personal life!

I had the same problem, first I cut off the electricity to their rooms so they had no fun when I sent them to bed, that didn’t work so I put them in competition with themselves each week and the best one got to choose the dinner for a day, a dvd to watch, to stay up the latest on a friday night and have the other kids clean their room.. I presented it as fun and ensured that it was a little fixed so that each child had to be on the receiving end, after a while the competition got so good that the winner pittied the losers and helped them tidy up in exchange for favours. I realise that it isn’t the best way to go about it but it worked much better than I hoped in more ways than I could have imagined.

Best of luck and sincere good wishes to you.

They need to learn now that the better they do at school, the better-paid they’re likely to be when they get jobs. You don’t mention their ages, but I’ll assume they’re teens. Basically, tell them that the things they take for granted (e.g. Wii game, hi-fi, TV in the bedroom) is there only because you an afford them. Tell them they have one month more with them/one month without them from now (pick as you see fit), and if they don’t buck up they’ll lose them permanently — but you MUST MEAN IT! A little discipline before they fly the nest is far more effective than counselling when they’ve learnt the hard way as adults — and cheaper too!

first off talk to the teachers, make sure that the bad grades are caused because of the misbehaving & not something else. it could be that they just don’t understand the work & are in need of extra help. if that is the case, see if they can get them a tutor or if the teachers themselves can stay after school to work with them. the teachers in our schools are willing to do this. the school even offers bussing for students who stay after to get help. i found out this was the case with my daughter & she is doing much better now.

if it’s because they are misbehaving, ground them & take away their things. by grounding them i am saying no phone, no t.v., no computer & no video games. most of all, no leaving the house, no social life. take away everything that is important to them. let them earn the things back with good grades & staying out of trouble. Also assign work around the house. if they can’t work at school, they can do chores at home instead. My kids get kicked out, they do ALOT of house & yard work. there is always something that needs to be done!

I got in trouble alot too & this is what my dad did. he once grounded me for 3 months, took away my horse (had to take care of her, just couldn’t ride her), my phone, my car, my stereo & worst of all my social life. my grades drastically improved & i tried my best to not let it happen again. i am a mother of 3 now, one of which has just become a teenager (the other 2 are both grown), so now i know where my dad was coming from!

I honestly believe that if your kids are constantly in trouble then it is a cry for help.but i dont believe the problem is entirly from the parent(s).

I think you should keep them out of watch them for a few days in different environments and different times and find when they are most comfortable and then sit and talk to them. It also depends on their age. My 8 year old son will not tell me anything face-to-face but will spill his heart out when we go online and chat.Sometimes it might be a reaction from of something happening in school or an attempt to deal with it but the bottom line is that we have to find new ways of reaching our kids as methods used by our parents seems to have no effect on our kids.

I work in a school. My eldest at primary used to be a great kid at primary, but gone to scondary school, and not always in trouble but talking, messing around. Yeah sometimes it’s his fault, he had an incident this week he asked his french teacher for help he walked passed my son and ignored him, so my son muttered under his breath ‘dick’ and the teacher heard him, but didn’t heard him when he was asking for help, but the teacher i have been informed is quite aggressive and only helps kids he wants to. I grounded my son for a week with no football training, or pocket money, as he knows that he should show respect to others, he was also made to write the teacher a letter of apology, but i told him to write in why he called this teacher a name. Yeah it’s sometimes the parents lack of parenting, but also peer pressure, and it can be the teachers, I seen loads on power trips, and if they dislike a pupil well they can’t be bothered with them. Sorry its so long.