What is the secret to a lifelong successful marriage?

Compatibility. It’s just that simple. You have to have the same mindset, want the same things out of life, and agree on most (not all) subjects. Yes, opposites attract, but they rarely stay together.

Never marry someone hoping to change them. Change only ever works when the person WANTS to change. Forcing it on them makes them miserable, and it will eventually make you miserable as well. You can’t live with a miserable person and be happy yourself. It is simply impossible.

The key is to wait for the right person to come along. Be patient and don’t disregard someone because they aren’t rich enough, educated enough, tall enough, thin enough, etc. Look at what’s on the inside. THAT is what lasts a lifetime. Looks fade, thin people get fat, fortunes can be lost, etc. If you have someone who shares your soul, it’s much easier to get through the hard times – and there are ALWAYS hard times in everyone’s life (yes, even the rich and beautiful).

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– Chosen by Asker

The secret to a life long successful marriage is to marry someone who is also your friend. Can you just be happy spending time with them, and doing nothing else? Do not base a marriage on sex alone. What if there becomes a medical situation where sex is no longer possible? Will you be happy just being with the other person and taking care of them? Always keep the lines of communication open. When something is bothering you, sit down and talk about it. Build trust and confidence with your partner. Also be able to enjoy activities apart from one another, but also activities you can share together. Marriage is hard work. You always have to work at it and be willing do work at it. Nothing comes easy.

Source(s):
Watching my parents who were married 20 + years, and a great aunt and uncle who were married 50+ years

There is no one secret. Every couple will have their own secrets for their successful marriage.
You will instinctively know when the two of you can live a lifelong together (compatibility). First thing is to keep the love fresh like the first time you met that special someone. Re-live and remember the things only you both can do together and rekindle love time and again.

It is impossible for two people to always agree on everything, so accept and respect the differences, this helps the marriage to flourish and helps in individual growth too. Making sure that when fights or issues happen because of the differences (or anything else), no action is taken in anger or on impulse.

Make sure to spend quality time, you may not go out for romantic candle-light dinners or exotic vacations regularly, but you can always talk to each other regularly. Communication is important. Also, use more than words to communicate, like holding the spouse’s hand, giving a hug, pampering, dressing up nicely yourself once in a while or wearing the perfume they love on you, or even a simple, small gift, can communicate the love.

So far, we’ve talked love, respect (especially differences), quality time together, doing something special once in a while and communication. Another important thing (at least for me) is to adjust with the spouse’s close friends and family, particularly if they are closely-knit. This is also essential for a strong marriage. Eventually, one gets used to one another, so it is important to take steps to keep the fire of love alive. Another very important trait a marriage needs is trust (trust comes with love, communication and doing what you say you will do). These are the things I can think of!

Source(s):
Parents marriage, my own experience (not married but truly loved)

Well, it depends on if you want the politically correct answer or the “lets get real” answer. The politically correct answer is as most people here say: communication, trust, honesty, tolerance, and all that good stuff. The “lets get real” answer is that there is no secret because there is no such thing as a successful life-long marriage. If you read the news and the stats, the hardcore reality of it all is that some marriages can be successful for a relatively short period of time, but ALL marriages are doomed to end at some point; even the ones that last well beyond the average lifespan of a typical marriage. Most marriages that do last longer than average are forced to last by delusional couples that are in serious denial about the reality of their relationship, being that they are way beyond being sick of each other. A marriage may last a life time, but that doesn’t mean it was successful. It just means that it lasted.

A common sense of destiny, of purpose, of humour, values and beauty that changes with time together. This helps a lot, but is not the secret.

Sir Paul McCartney wrote this as the epitaph to The Beatles: “And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make”.

Romance comes and goes; the euphoria of being in love comes and goes according to season, mood, circumstances and health, but love is something you do for its own sake, without reason, not as a reward for good behaviour, not because this is the most beautiful person in the world nor even the most compatible and the best possible person destiny can throw at you. There will always be someone better turn up, who must be turned away after the wedding.

Love is something you do, it is a part of you whatever your frame of mind.

You may think this is the end this time, but love is endless – it only pauses for breath from time to time.

Marriage never allows itself to be defeated by anything – even the worst offence has to be forgiven, the relationship dusted off, and life goes on, learning and strengthening from the experience.

Source(s):
Experience of one failed marriage, which I got annulled (meaning that it was never meant to be).

Still preparing myself for the real one, which might never happen.

The answer is unconditional love. This means you will love your significant other through whatever happens in life. It means you will take them back, even if they’ve made some terrible mistakes. We are all human and are quite short of perfection. Unconditional love means you will forgive them and try to overlook the things they’ve done wrong.

It’s also helpful if both parties enjoy common interests, if they share the same ideas about financial matters, family life and spirituality. For men: Carefully select the gifts you will give to your wife. Take notice of what she likes and dislikes. Nothing cheap! For women: Learn to prepare at least two or three wonderful recipes to serve him on special occasions.

Source(s):
Life experience

The secret to a lifelong successful marriage is realistic expectations and dedication. There is a lot of fun to be had when dating someone but marriage is the creation of a family and so both parties must understand that there will be hardships and disagreements but there must be sacrifices for the good of the family–that’s why unplanned pregnancy is sometimes enough to spark love and determination between a couple and why sometimes parents get divorced soon after the children leave the house. It is no longer about fun and wooing, marriage is the decision that the other is a caring, responsible person that you would trust your children with.

So the secret? End the power plays because you and I just became ‘we’

After the wedding it can seem a bit of an anti-climax. There’s almost an expectation you will feel different or, more married. When that doesn’t happen it can really spark off some unwanted feelings. Marriage is beautiful and magical – with the odd bit of the embarrassing and the mundane.

There is one thing people should be careful of and that’s the prophet of doom! It hasn’t happened to me but I do know of one relationship that failed because of it. The prophet of doom is the miserable, lifesucking person that will take one row you’ve had with your partner and turn it into the beginning of the end. They will illustrate their point by talking about their own failed relationships. There is a definite difference between someone that’s offered a shoulder to cry on or a sounding board – to the prophet of doom.

It is easy to mistake, at some subconscious level, a wedding for a marriage. Both partners must truly understand that however wonderful the wedding, it is not the happy ending after which everybody lived happily ever.

The key to any successful relationship is the willingness to cultivate one’s self to the needs of their partner — not attempt to change their partner to suit their own needs. Both must trust their partner to discover his or her needs, and follow through with this cultivation of the self of their own volition.

Besides communication and trust, i think acceptance is very important in a relationship. You can’t have a happy marriage if you are trying to “fix” your spouse the whole time. I think when people are young they have a picture in their head of what an ideal perfect partner is like, and when they get married and realize their partner isn’t perfect, the relationship starts to dwindle. People need to appreciate the similarities in their spouse as well as accept the differences, and don’t sweat the small stuff they do.

Love is fickle, its not what we want to hear but we know it is true. So actually love has little to do with lifelong marriages. Divorce rates increase when marriages is no longer the economic necessity that it once was. It the old days you HAD to be married, it was a must economically speaking. Therefore, in a day when marriage is no longer an economic necessity, and marriages are based on a fickle emotion like love alone, they will fluctuate. Basically the key to s successful marriage in reality is some things we westerners do NOT want to hear. Forced or arranged marriages, the baning of divorce legally speaking, and economic punishments for being single for too long. That would recreate the old agrarian world’s marital atmosphere. And as harsh as that sounds, look at India, a nation with child marriage, and arranged marriage. Those marriages actually have a higher success rate, because divorce is culturally unthinkable. Now that some Indians are getting wealthier, and there is more gender equality (also a new concept), marriage in the traditional model is not going to last. So another key to a lifelong successful marriage is putting one of the genders in a subordinate position to the other. When you make both partners equal, there is more conflict, and if either party is too frustrated, they can end it just like that.

Now…obviously we are not going to do any of that…what I said. Marriage is an outdated concept, it needs a modernization. We need to get rid of this agrarian/industrial model of the family, we no longer live in those ages, we need a new concept of family and marriage.

harsh…but we all know it.

the most important thing to a successful marriage is to never forget the love that you share with your partner, because that is what keeps you going through the day, knowing that after tedious hours of work everything will be OK because you will get to feel the warmth of your loved one. love is also what governs all the important aspects of a beautiful relationship, which are trust and care. if you truly love someone, you are most likely to love to trust and care for that person. so as long as you never forget the amount of love in your heart for your partner, a long lasting marriage is guaranteed:)

Being Married communication has played a huge part. My husband and I tell each other everything, good or bad. We love each other so much that we are will to forgive the other unconditionally. Better or for worse, it’s means exactly what it is. My husband and I rarely argue because we talk about everything. Also, it doen’t hurt to be a little childlike at times. Let the other help even if you don’t want it. Spending time is important and, oh, don’t forget about the knooky, lol. The better the knook and one another making changes to please the other is always a bonus. So, it’s unconditional love and forgiveness, communication (tell all, about before and after marriage), making changes that are possible for one to make and sex is the BIG bonus in a successful relationship.

Source(s):
happily married and married 2x

Love is important because if there is love, everything else that happens in marriage will be bearable.
Example in marriage you will have ups and downs in marriage. You don’t see the other persons faults or misgiving. You learn to tolerate and respect the others individuality too. Marriage in the first years is all romance and love, then after a certain amount, its more about companionship and having a partner that you have lots in common. Then children fall into the equation and our attention flows or gravitates towards our children and its all about family then. After the kids grow up and get married its will eventually be just the two of you. So you should be happy with that person you chose and sometimes those people change too and you change and if its okay you continue with that person who you had love, children and companionship and understanding. So I think the main word is tolerance to each others likes, dislikes, and respecting others opinions without being judgemental and trying to be accepting of each other. That is true love. I found my true love and hope to live happily ever after.

Wow almost 4 answers on here, which is a surprise since people divorce more often then they change their cars.

Marriage is a contract sometimes and hopefully love is part of the contract and I don’t believe that loves conquers all because each time someone chats about their relationship they claim they really do love their mate – even if they cheat, lie or act out in other ways.

If people sit down and talk out a contract and prearrange what they expect out of the union of a legal marriage that might be the key. Some people are tolerant enough to do just that and to accept whatever comes including infidelity.

Communication – marriage is a long-term contract like running a company it requires, endurance, ability to adapt, skills to change and maintain a balance that will benefit both sides of the agreement.

Ever one expects a happy ever after – just like in Cinderella – but no knows what happened after the and that was only the beginning.

In my estimation, in order to have a healthy marriage in the first place, you need mutual respect–it’s a partnership, not a master/servant relationship. But a *lasting* marriage also requires the following:
– Communication–everyone says it, everyone says they’re good at it, but I’ve found I’m not as good at it as I thought, and I think most people aren’t.
– Appreciation for–paying close attention to–what your partner is really good at that you aren’t so good at.
– Calculation–don’t fight over everything that bothers you; pick your battles. Argue only over those things that are important enough. Let the rest slide. Yes, it’ll seem like too much; it always does, and your partner will feel like they’re giving up too much too. Basically, know where it’s important enough to make an issue of, and try to let the rest go.
– Flexibility–when your partner indicates something’s important to them, Pay Attention, and try to address it. It probably seems ridiculously trivial to you, but if it’s important to them, it’s probably worth paying attention to.

Source(s):
6 years and counting

The secret is for the man to never open his mouth unless spoken too. he must give the women everything she wants. When she is horny he must perform instantly. Never should the man talk back to her, Remember she is always right. The man must or should get the kids ready for school and then Cook breakfast for her before before he leaves for his 12 hour shift at work.
The ideal man would hire a maid to clean and take care of the children while she is at her Bridge party or at the local bar boozing it up.

Source(s):
I tell you this from my own experience and i have been married for 63 years and the wife is still at the bar boozing it up, although i must say i am not married to the wife pictured above, differaet wife different rules. Now i get sex when i want it, she makes breakfast, she cleans house i set in front of the tv boozing it up. Mary, i call her,get your fat *** in here and bring me another beer, thats how to have a successful and long happy marriege, been married two weeks and it is heaven.

Communication – Not just talking, but listening. If your partner has a thought, let them finish it before giving feedback

Understanding – Even the best couples do not see eye to on everything, If your partner has a thought, belief or desire that you can’t agree with, then you may have to accept it. (Obviously some thoughts, beliefs or desires will be more important than others)

Positive outlook/Humor – Not everything that feels like a life and death situation is actually that dire. Being able to confront diversity with a positive outlook or humor is a big step in living a happy life

Give and take – There are times when you’ll have to ‘take one for the team’, so to speak. Accept that and know that they will reciprocate

Individualism – You’re married, not sewn together. You don’t have to do everything together, it’s fine to have girls night out or guy time. You both still get to have your own friends hobbies, free time, and space.

Financial stability – Watch out for money issues. Personally, money is the biggest problem I’ve encountered by far. Life is harder to deal with when you’re not financially stable.

Source(s):
13 yrs married, most of them happily.

One who is educated (NOT high marks in school/college certificates) and knows the correct meaning of each word to be used in day-to-day life, in its literary meaning, knows how to define and plan his own life, wife, family, marriage, daughter, son, father, mother, in-laws, etc., etc., and every forward step of daily needs from salt to feast, and knows to keep his own position in the Society much well (without ego) and to keep himself and others free, including his consort to be free of mind, can lead a successful life. (when mind is bound to body, it acts with genders). The relationship between a wife and husband should be considered and presented, as and when required, as COMPLEMENTARY to each other, as if one body, one mind, one soul (not two bodies). A deep philosophical knowledge on this aspect and a meticulously careful acceptance of the social obligations would lead THE MARRIED LIFE a LONG AND SUCESSFUL one like mine of the last 20 years – I am now 55.

Source(s):
Poverty is one aspect that may affect negatively every life including married life/family life. Over enthusiasm and tension thereof (children should be great) is another and ABOVE ALL the words one used to the other. An unwanted word at unwanted place and at unwanted time would be the first spark of failure of married / family life. Use the words with a little sugar, that gives your consort a good taste, a good touch, a good music, a good appearance and a good smell. It makes you successful in every social relationship and friendships. – Prof. M. Varma

Marriage: its such a big deal to talk on. Due to simple misunderstanding it can turn into divorce.
But there is secret in a lifelong successful marriage.The main secret is love, passion, understanding, mutual co-operation, etc. There are several ways marriage can be successful but these four points make its as powerful as the diamond/steel/rock.. So, there is no miracle in making it successful… The main secret is the love and understanding among partners…Then it will always lead to a successful marriage.

Communication, having and participating in separate interests, laughing together and not taking life to serious, being on the “same page” in regards to spiritual and self growth, sharing in the household chores – ALL of them, and what might be the most “marriage killer”, making sure to talk about finances and how, why and where to spend money, unless money is no concern, always being honest with each other even if it means someone might be hurt. I’d also suggest practicing and being present with each other and meditating in one’s own specific space, as I’ve heard and seen this work wonders. Not always having to have the last word when arguing or discussing specific issues. Speaking in a easy-going low tonality with each other and letting the other finish what he/she is saying before responding. Also, knowing if and when the time has come to end the marriage. Stress is a killer and to remain married simply because of religious rules, cultural preferences or any other reason, when all else has been attempted, becomes toxic and unhealthy for all concerned, even any young children.

Source(s):
Ted Robinson@
http://CenterForInnerHealing.com

The best way to have a successful marriage is to have found the right person who you can communicate with, both be trust worthy, share everything, if you disagree on things, beable to agree to disagree, never go to bed angry, go to bed loving your spouse as you vowed. Always remember you took vows and know their not just words their a covanent before God. Know who you are marrying, know them well, talk (alot ),so you know what the other person expects in a marriage and they know what you expect. Don’t get married because all your friends are married, thats stupid and it never works for your advantage. Never marry someone who abuses you in anyway, shape or form it only increases when married. The person you marry should love you so much that their protective, loving, caring and has your best interest at heart at all times, just like they would for their own child or parent. If they don’t have your best interest at heart, they never will. A successful marriage starts from the time you meet your future spouse, so be selective and take it serious. A person who is selective to find the right mate is someone of quality, respect with a good head on their shoulders. Marriage is for life so care about your life you deserve the best as well as your spouse.

Source(s):
Yahoo Q & A

There are a couple secrets to a successful marriage:

1- agree to disagree. You won’t agree on everything. After you discuss your beliefs on some questions, you still won’t agree and you don’t have to come out with one person agreeing with the other. It’s OK to finish a discussion still disagreeing on your viewpoints.

2- tell your spouse each day something they do or say that makes you feel better, or makes you happier, or makes your marriage better.

3- ask your spouse periodically what you can do for them that would make your marriage better.

4- be willing to help your spouse do their job at times. It’s a wonderful way of saying “I love you”.

5- value your spouse. Find the good in your spouse, not the faults. We all have faults.

I’m sure there are other things, but these are the most important ones I can think of.
cw

Source(s):
on my 3rd marriage… did it right this time…

The secret to family happiness or a successful marriage is found in a book completed over 1,9 years ago, God’s word the bible, here is where we can find reliable guidance for family life that have proved successful, especially for those who sincerely applied Bible principles in there family life.which has resulted in greater happiness in there family.The one who inspired the Bible is the Originator of the marriage arrangment. (Genesis 2;18-25)
The Bible says that his name is Jehovah Psalms 83:18 He is the Creator and `the Father, to whom every family owes its name. (Ephesians 3:14,15.

Source(s):
The Bible

The secret to a lifelong successful (17 year) marriage is God and being true to your vows, for better or for worse.. Many people say that there is no book on marriage but the Bible tells you EXACTLY what you should be doing as a wife and as a husband and how to raise your children. The wifes role is to serve her husband and when you serve your husband, whether its a sandwich or a full dinner, it should be done with alot of love. It’s knowing beforehand that he wants jelly on his toast, barbecue sauce on his steak, and his coffee ready in the morning. Its having his clothes prepared for him so that he can start his day with ease as an employer, a father and a husband. It’s providing a clean home where he can destress and I greet him at the door with hugs, kisses and massages. But in general marriage is about serving each other without bitterness or anger. Some bad days will come, but just discuss the issue, get over it and move on. The bible says never let the sun go down on your wrath…in other words don’t go to bed angry. Service, communication and alot of laughter takes tension away. Too many people take marriage as a joke and they want to play house. There’s no sense of loyalty. Love and be loyal to your husband and things will work out.

Source(s):
BIBLE

To have a everlasting marriage/relationship with your spouse you have to be willing to be fully committed to one another. You may have to endure things in the long run, but if you open up to one another and discuss your feelings or problems that could lessen confusion. Communication is an important role in any kind of relationship with out it you wouldn’t understand how your partner feels, blocking or avoiding a situation never gets solved. You also have to trust your partner without trust you have nothing, nothing can go right without it. When you set your mind to trust your husband or wife nothing could fail. Every relationship has its ups and downs but you have to work together as a team with finances, decision making, and other choices to settle differences. It could be stressful at times but if your partner love each other you can endure anything.

Love, Mutual Respect, Sense of Humor, Common Ground, Similar Income Levels, Faithfulness, Conflict Resolution Skills, Honesty, Sharing of Responsibilities, Forgiveness, Trustworthy and Trusting each-other, Kindness and Appreciation, Affection, Quality Time Together, Manners, Unconditional Love
Most importantly, Knowledge that there is no such thing as a perfect marriage, it can be challenging and a couple needs to learn to persevere over obstacles throughout life as one. Knowing when your spouse trips and falls, you will be there to help stand them back up on their feet. Awareness that the grass in not necessarily greener on the other side of the fence. Divorce is just exchanging one set of headaches for another set of headaches. Once children are involved, knowledge that they must come first, emotional needs as well which is where you can find common ground.

Source(s):
Happily married for over 20 years! Our marriage has been challenging at times as we have weathered tragedy, disabilities, life-threatening illness, past financial woes, and we married very young 18/22 and come from different cultural backgrounds. The challenges we’ve encountered and persevered made our marriage stronger! We’ve been blessed with 5 healthy wonderful children.

There is nothing in marriage like understanding each other. Marriage sometimes is like going to a strange land where you and your partner will really get to know each other better. Courtship is not the same as marriage. Especially in the first 3 to six months of marriage- will realize some mis understanding- if not careful you will think you are not meant to be together. People say the man is the head of the house- but to me – men are figure heads- if the wife wants the marriage to work – then she needs lot of patience to operate within house – if the woman can control situations then all is well in that house. Understanding, Upgraded Love, patience,good conscience and high level of better hopes are the Keys to Successful marriage. Good Luck.

One must know these words personally: Trust, Respect, Commitment, Selflessness and Love. You have heard of arranged marriages back in the day? Consider this, hardly ever did these marriages end in divorce. Why? Because they understood that they were expected to be and they wanted to be married. They realized making it in the frontier was not for weak willed people. They understood the challenges of surviving and that they increased when there were two pulling in the same direction. They needed each other. Out of that mutual need came dependence, commitment and when that was witnessed, respect. Out of the respect and trust and selflessness and commitment over time, love was developed. No body, no body, no body must come between a man and a woman. You have heard it said that a man will leave his mother and father and become one with his wife? That is to be the final word on that subject. No exceptions. Straight from the owners manual. Lastly and most importantly, there is a hierarchy that must be followed by all party’s equally in matters of authority it is God, the man, the woman and finally the children. From oldest to youngest. It doesn’t matter if that’s not a popular view today or not. It is more important to please God than society. When your family is in need, who will you depend on? Other people or God. Put him in the front and center and live in his blessings.

I once heard some sweet advice from a couple that had been married 50+ years: remember to be kind.

I think that love, and marriage, is a day-to-day choice. Each day, you look at that person you vowed to spend your life with, and you CHOOSE to love them even when it’s hard. When times are tough, and it’s hard to feel the love, remembering to just BE KIND can make such a difference. After all, I’m kind to strangers every day (grocery clerks, bank tellers, people on the street) so why shouldn’t I be kind to my husband as well?

Being kind is a chain reaction, too. It’s win-win all around, and soon enough those warm loving feelings (after all, love IS an emotion) come back and you are able to reaffirm your commitment, if that makes sense.

*I also agree that just being committed to the idea of marriage being forever is one of the keys. It’s not “marriage is forever UNLESS I get bored of it” or “sure, I’ll be married to you forever until I find someone else to love.” It’s forever, period. That simple idea is one I’ve heard reiterated time and time again by wise couples.

🙂

Source(s):
Great-uncles, friends, and life in general

Marriage is like a roller coaster ride with it’s ups and downs, the key is communication, understanding one anothers needs, love and respect between couple, remember your vows that are God’s law and eye may wander but only enjoy the view. Wife and I been married 46 years. Today younger people do it backwards get laid, have baby and if really really lucky marry whom they got pregnant with. Most people today sit on their brains, one has to wonder what’s up there especially when they have bad role models, like unwed mothers and disappeared fathers so are not taught any basic morals.

Source(s):
Older married man.