So my boyfriend and I have been together quite a while, and were very serious, we plan to get married within the next few years. I don’t and have never lived with him, I moved to California this year to be closer to him (I’m from out of state) and live about 5 minutes away, and it’s helped our relationship a lot being able to see each other as before it was only for about a week every 3 months or so.
Next school year (in about 9 months) he will be moving to Florida to go to law school for 3 years, and we plan to live there also when we are married.
I really want to go with him when he goes. I don’t want to have to stay here for a year or 2 or 3 while he’s all the way across the country. He wants me to go with him too, he wants to get married this coming summer (2012) but I want to wait another year or so. And if I go with him we’ll be living together, which I want but I’m not sure if it’s the right thing to do? I truly feel as though we have the kind of relationship that would just get better if we live together, not fall apart as is commonly said about couples who live with each other before marrying.
Anyways, does anyone have any advice for me? Or stories of good outcomes that came from living together first? Has it created any problems for you? I’d appreciate you sharing 🙂 thanks!
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I recommend people live together before marriage. That way you really get to know a person and you can decide then if it’s really something you can tollerate for the rest of your life. Give it a go.
I dont think I have ever heard of people saying relationships fall apart if they live together before they are married.
I think its a GREAT idea and highly recommend it. Especially since you want to take more time to get married. That will give you time to know more about each others mannerisms. You may think you know someone but until you are put into a shared environment, day in and day out, then you really dont know them. This way, if you do find quirks that you find you just cant deal with, you will know and wont have to have that as an issue when you 1st get married.
If the relationship is as serious as you say, and you moved to another state just to be with him, then moving in with him shouldnt be in question. If anything, living together before you get married, can only build a stronger relationship.
Clearly you are independent, work, pay for the roof over you head and have something going on for yourself.
Just a word of truth: the more education one half of a couple has, the more education the other should attempt to obtain as well. Otherwise… well… you start living in separate worlds. So I’m hoping that you have, or intend to obtain, a college degree or two yourself.
My husband and I lived together, on and off, for 5 years before we wed. It was extremely tumultuous. I’m not sure how we survived it. We were both extremely independent and used to being single. When we finally decided (we were broken up at the time) to get married it rescued us both from a life of competition and uncertainty and indecision. If I hadn’t lived with him first, I’m not at all certain that the marriage would have survived or ever happened. Going on 25 years now! It’s good to know one another’s ways.
I don’t believe that crap about couples who live together have a higher chance of divorce. I truly believe those couples would have divorced regardless. It has nothing to do with living together first. You either are compatible or you aren’t. It’s a good idea to look at it as a last chance to figure out if you really want to spend the rest of your life with that person, if you can really live with them day to day for thousands of days to come.
My husband moved in with me after we’d been dating about 8 months–yeah, pretty fast I know. He proposed 3 months later and we married 7 months after that. I do not in any way regret living with him first.
I don’t think it will hurt your relationship at all. However keep an open mind. You may find that you can’t stand each other, or fight over stupid things. I think many people live together and find out they are not compatible, but feel they’ve made a commitment with marriage in mind and so don’t back out. They end up marrying and trying to make it work and it fails. So if you see red flags don’t be afraid to leave or at least wait to marry.
But I doubt any of that will happen. I think you two will be just fine. I think it helped my husband and I learn about each other and learn how to live together before we made that permanent commitment.
Source(s): married 12 years
The old saying that you don’t know someone till you live with them is a very true one.
So I think living together before marrying is a very good idea. What can seem an amusing little habit when you see a guy for short periods can become unbearably annoying when you live with it 24/7.
If your relationship does fall apart it is much easier to part before marrying than after.
So, how is your education coming a long & ability to live independently as a strong woman?
As to living together, me & my wife did for about 1 1 /2 years before we got married. We have no regrets about the decision. Of course we were both College Educated adults who had lived separately for years and were comfortable with being by ourselves (the marriage just made it better).
i think it is a very good idea to live together prior to marriage mainly because the ethics and values that people have on domestic life is markedly different than it was in the 60-70’s, when it was more common NOT to live together prior to marriage. this is the big test, and while you and your bf go through the motions, make sure that you can always support yourself. You are with a partner because you want to be, not because you have to be…for any reason. Be well.
My ex-wife and I lived together before getting married. We were divorced in 8 years.
My current wife and I didn’t live together at all before marriage and we have been happily married for 18 years.
If you love the person then living together isn’t necessary. You will work out your incompabilities after you are married.