Who knows any good jokes or riddles?

Read these one too they are funny hope this make you laugh 😀 I am a kid still even if they don’t discover this you end up getting it from other kids your age from school swearing, dirty stuff! 😀

Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Shelly. Shelly was very girly and liked wearing pretty skirts. She wore skirts every day.

One day at school, a young boy named Sam asked Shelly to climb on the jungle gym. So Shelly did.

When Shelly got home, she told her mom about her day, and included the part about the jungle gym.

“Shelly, don’t do that. He might just be trying to look at your underwear.” said her mother.

What the big deal was, Shelly didn’t understand.

The next day Sam asked Shelly to climb on the jungle gym again. So she did.

Shelly again told her mother about her day, including the jungle gym moment.

“Didn’t I tell you, young lady?” fumed her mother. “He just wants to see your underwear!”

“But Mommy, I tricked him,” said Shelly. “Today I didn’t wear any underwear!”

A man escapes from a prison where he’s been locked up for years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowner’s wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he’s in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: “Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He’s probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain…..do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!”

His wife responds:

“He wasn’t kissing my neck – he was whispering in my ear. He told me that he’s gay, he thinks you’re cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him It was in the bathroom. Be strong. I love you, too.”

Son takes his father to the doctor. Doctor gives them the bad news that the father is dying of cancer. Father tells the son that he has had a good long life and wants to stop at the bar on the way home to celebrate it.

While at the bar, the father sees several of his friends. He tells them that he is dying of AIDS. When the friends leave the son asks, ‘Dad, you are dying of cancer. Why did you tell them that you are dying of AIDS?’

The father replies, ‘I don’t want them screwing your mother after I’m gone!’

Who’s This Guy

after a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter

Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand.

“There might be some matches in the top drawer,” she replied.

He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man.

Naturally, the guy began to worry.

“Is this your husband?” he inquired nervously.

“No, silly,” she replied, snuggling up to him.

“Your boyfriend then?” he asked.

“No, not at all,” she said, nibbling away at his ear.

“Well, who is he then?” demanded the bewildered guy.

Calmly, the girl replied, “That’s me before the operation.”

Three men walk into a cave, and hear a voice from the back.

“I’m coming to get you! And I’m going to eat you!”

The first man runs away.

They hear the voice again.

“I’m getting closer! And I’m going to eat you!”

The second man runs away.

The voice comes once more.

“I’ve nearly got you! And I’m going to eat you!”

The last man bravely walks on.

And at the very back of the cave, he finds a small boy picking his nose.

Teacher: Whoever answers this question can go home now hour early

Student: Accidentally shoots a spit ball at his teacher

Teacher: who shot that spit ball

Student: I did by mistake. See you tomorrow.

A man went into the public toilets to relieve himself. The first cubicle was in use, so he went into the next one. As he took down his trousers, he heard a voice from the other cubicle.

“Hey, hows it going?”

Not wanting to be rude, he replied, “Not too bad thanks.”

A few seconds later, he heard the voice again.

“What are you up to?”

Somewhat relunctantly, he replied, “Having a quick sh*t, what about you?”

He heard the voice again.

“Hold on, I’m going to have to call you back

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.

Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me, April, who created the universe?”

When April didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. “GOD ALMIGHTY!” shouted April and the teacher said, “Very good” and April fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked April, “Who is our Lord and Saviour,” But, April didn’t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ‘JESUS CHRIST!” shouted April and the teacher said, “very good,” and April fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked April a third question. “What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?” And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, “IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I’LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ****!”

The Teacher fainted.

http://www.bluedonut.com/jokes.htm

I LOVE THIS WEBSITE!!! It is soooo funny 😛