When I Was Young
I Made Things Wrong
Mommy Used To Teach Me
And Now I Have Changed You Can See
Nothing Wrong In Error And Trail
You Won’t Be In Prison Or In Jail
Wrong Words, Bad Judges, Heart Breaks
We Were Born To try Not To Do Mistakes
When I Was Younger
Crying From Anger
And Couldn’t Speak
Dying From Hunger
Life Was Harder
And I Was Weak
Nothing Wrong In Learning How To Be Yourself
Don’t Cry, Be Stronger What On The Hell Earth
Don’t Judge Everything He And She Makes
We Were Born To Learn From Our Mistakes
Mistakes Are Lessons We Should Learn
That’s Why We Were Born
What Do You Think? “no rude answers please”
? Favorite Answer
for effort but it needs work.
I think I’d forget trying a rhyme scheme this is pretty scattered. There needs to be some changes in grammar as well, such as,
“We were born to try not to do mistakes” Beyond the fact that isn’t true it needs help
“Don’t cry, be stronger what on the hell earth”???
Certainly it can be improved upon.
You have jumbled everything by repeating the same thing in a different way.
Everything in capitals is not good.
It seems you were trying to be philosophical but you don’t quite know how to word things.
You’re trying and that’s what counts.
Take the corrections you have been given and work with your poem.
Maybe try another subject. I don’t think you quite understand what you have tried to write.
Which do you want? A polite answer or the truth?
I like the message and despise the poem.
Source(s): Nothing more I can say without being rude.
Aka, Likka says, remove the poem and write something else and you have a perfect poem, minus this one.
uh.. young and wrong do not rhyme. It does not move smooth for me. Sorry.. There is potential, but it needs to be edited. I like the theme!
Lose the capitals, change the rhymes and theme and make it work and you’d have a perfect poem.