Does this poem have emotional impact?

The cool evening sun plucks the long string

where fading green and blue gray join

The light gray of night moves slowly in

as though standing still

Silence shackles the moment

caressing the emptiness I feel

For you did not come

and I feel the weight of my head,

as it bends towards earth

Minutes become years

as I sense each delicate flower tumble

from my hand

covering the soft grass with fragrant red

Reasons rush like waves to a barren shore

drowning each grain of understanding

in my mind

I clasp my chest trying to suffocate

the crashing sound

Now welling up in my heart

Knowing this is the end I walk away in silence

as the night chills

Remembering things that penetrate the dark

covering my retreat from a tomorrow

that will never come

Wandering into the darkness I disappear

into a world of loneliness

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  • Oh, it certainly does!

    Engaged by the beauty of your opening lines

    I slowly felt my way through this void-to-be Fredric.

    Oh, my..such sensitivity here so achingly communicated.

    I hesitate to seem to tamper

    with work so scented with solitude yet…..

    please do not be offended…

    the originality of the poem in its` entirety

    might be maintained (imho Only)

    should you alter just the one word in the last line,

    from `into` to `within` , for, `disappear into` seems (to me) too over-used

    for this unique poem.

    TY..wish you well.


  • It has got an emotional impact. The use of simile and metaphors is really good. The aura of pain and loneliness resonates from the poem which is quite an accomplishment for you as a poet.

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  • Yes it does have just like your other poems. You write from the heart and so your poems softly sit on our heart. This poem is not well structured like your other works but I understand in a prose image and feelings are important, not the structure. so you’ve done another magnificent job.

  • Yes…emotional impact, and some.

    An elegant and very visual poem that immediately

    attacks and releases so much emotion, flowing like

    uncontrollable tears…

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  • i think of it extremely is sweet, yet i think of you push too puzzling to maintain the rhyme scheme and form each and all the time. suggestions do no longer ought to start and lead to the comparable line, and that i attempted revising it with that throughout suggestions, besides the indisputable fact that it extremely is a sprint clumsy.: Reflections i’ve got considered initiate and fail– tossing stones in an ocean I see pictures in water are puzzling to administration. it extremely is the passing of existence previously your eyes. Quietly, non violent whilst listening to birds sing thinking of as quickly as I ran to exhibit screen them bounce. The melted snow makes rivers now– I climb mountains with coated snow not greater, and much less sail with the northern whales On ocean huge, windblown hair kissing my pores and skin. I now stand on shore and watch the rolling tide because of the fact the years paint my face a weathered gray, Confronting my mortality on my own and with quiet confirm, I toss each and each stone

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  • It sure does. I like “Silence shackles the moment” and “Reasons rush” as alliteration. I think I would like to know a more specific kind of flower that is referred to; red might mean roses or it might not.

  • Yikes! I should say so, Frederic!

    MUCH impact! Well done.

    Now I want to know why she didn’t come……

    I especially liked:

    I clasp my chest trying to suffocate

    the crashing sound

    Now welling up in my heart

  • Oh so sad. You have captured the feeling of rejection, the pain of lost hope- tears.

  • Call me cold-hearted since i don’t feel any emotional impact.

  • Yes, it has emotional impact. A bit of a self-pitying whine though.

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