I have a four-month old daughter that I wish so much to raise and love, but given very extreme circumstances I have slowly come to a hard realization that I might have to find a adoptive family for her. I am twenty one years old and the father is no part of her life by his decision ( no support so far – although I have filed for child support, it is a very long process). When I was pregnant the father and I were still together until he decided to make some really bad decisions that ended what we had.. permanently. So at the time I wanted to keep her because I thought we could be a family and both provide. Abortion was never a thought in my mind. Now that I have come to a realization that his promises to be a good father are false, I am alone. I thought I had a good support system in other areas, but that has failed as well. I recently lost my job, have piling bills, and am scared that I will loose my apartment, I really want her to be safe and have a warm loving home.
Update:
I also want to state that I am trying very hard to find employment, but is very hard when I have limited resources to watch her. Also that I want only what is best for her and am asking this because I am afraid of her well being. I also have a temp license because of a past due speeding ticket. I am responsible but keep falling. I worked a fifty hour work week until they let me go. I just keep running into problem after problem and cant get out. I live an hour and a half from family as well. I love her, but am afraid that because of my circumstances she will be effected. I just want an opinion or even suggestions. Please dont view me as cruel, I am trying everything to give her a good life, but am afraid they I cant do it.
Update 2:
My financial situation is poor too after the job loss.. poor credit, etc.
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✅ Answers
🥇 Favorite Answer
Have you talked to your family about the hard time you are having? Would they be willing to help you so that you may keep her? I have a five yr old, my one and only child and I could not imagine ever giving her up. Please talk to your family, friends, pastor, anyone for help. Don’t give her up if you truly want this child. Fight for her! I wish I was close to you, I would gladly watch her so that you could work and get back on your feet. I know it must be hard but giving her up should not be an option. Maybe someone in your family would be willing to care for her so that you can get back on track…?
I wish I knew more but all I can give is my heartfelt advice.
Good Luck to you and your precious child!
Source(s): ME02
First off, I am so terribly sorry to hear what has happened. Things will work out, but you have to be positive and just keeping your head up and walking towards the light at the end of the tunnel ~ there always is one you know.
Secondly, as I’m sure you’ve thought of before, adoption is FINAL. No going back. You would no longer be her mother. You wouldn’t get to be so many things to her that only mothers are. However, if you determine that this is the best and only course of action for the two of you, I would suggest you do an “open adoption” where the adoptive parents would allow you to see and sometimes visit with your daughter.
Good luck hun, I wish the best for you both. But I beg you to explore ALL other options before you put your daughter up for adoption! This is so serious and final, I just can’t say it enough. God bless, I wish there was more I could do to help.
Source(s): Me, I’m an adoptee.00
This poor woman needs an answer to her question not desperate people offering to take her baby! Come on people, have a heart!
In my humble opinion, I think you are a brave and wonderful woman who deserves a break in life!
I admire your courage and the fact that you are a good enough mother to realise that your child COULD have a better life (materially) with adoptive parents. However, my best friend is adopted and her bitterness toward her birth mother for giving her up changed my views some years ago. Her adoptive father was an alcholic and beat her up and her adoptive mother tried to kill her when she was 5. She has had a terrible life and she says she wishes her mother had aborted her!!! But maybe an open adoption would be better, as this way you would have contact with her and you would know what was going on.
As someone above said, you cant be sure that your child will get a better life, but you can be sure that no matter how hard your life is your child will love you and be loved, and that makes up for material possesions any day.
As the other people have all said, you need to phone everyone in your familly to get them to rally round. How about if your parents or your exes parents or any other family member had her for a few months while you re settle near them, get a job, go to college or whatever you need to get back on your feet.
I just cant believe that you wont regret it if you give her up. She wont be a baby forever. One day she will be a young woman and your best friend.
Good luck in this decision. My heart goes out to you!
How many thumbs down do you think i will get :o(
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The hardest thing to do is to be a mother. Your choice right now makes all the difference for your life and your daughter. You love her I have no doubt in my mind about that, and you are a good mother. Your also realistic, you cannot provide for her at this point in your life and you do run the risk of the state coming in and taking her from you. I am a birth mother. I had a little boy when I was 18 and I knew I wouldn’t be able to provide for him. I place him up for adoption and have a wonderful relationship with his parents and him (turning 5 at the end of May) If you honestly have to other means of caring for your daughter you should look into open adoption, you can still see her and be a figure in her life, but you don’t have the burden of trying to care for the two of you while trying to pick up the pieces of your life. Only you can chose what it best for you and your daughter. it sounds to me like if you chose to keep you daughter you will be holding yourself and her back from wonderful lives. If you cannot provide for her give her a mom and dad, mom and mom, or dad and dad who can. Babies do not live by love alone and the financial support for her will only grow as she gets older. There are a lot of same sex couples and straight couples who would love to adopt a child and have the birth mother play a roll in the child’s life. Good luck honey…if you need some one to talk to about the process of adoption or even just to talk to about being a single mother going through this…feel free to email me [email protected] Having been in a similar situation I understand the emotions and issues you are dealing with.
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Hi Lilly. First of all, sure, you ought to inform your dad and mom. I’ve been proper wherein you’re now and that was once one of the most toughest matters to do. You will want their help. While the primary response on the whole would possibly not be confident, so much dad and mom are equipped to recover from that and present their persisted love and help. Second, you do not ought to make any variety of choice proper now. All of that is simply sinking in for you. You do not ought to make any choice till you’ve gotten had a while to approach this. You might suppose completely distinctive in a couple of weeks or after the little one is born. I do not inform individuals to location for adoption or have an abortion or dad or mum their baby. I will say that there are a LOT of assets in the market to help you. If you’re even due to the fact that adoption, you ought to do your possess study and fully comprehend the legislation that follow on your state. This is among the greatest selections you are going to ever make and it doesn’t matter what you select, your existence shall be converted ceaselessly. Take the time, do the study and particularly *particularly* teach your self earlier than creating a choice.
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please please please get help! where you live are there any organizations designed to help single parents? do you get any benefits as you are out of work at the moment. I realize that in some countries there is no state benefit like here in the UK. Talk to your family, heck give me their number i will call them!!! Is there any way you could move closer to your family? How about moving in with a family member just while you are getting back on your feet. I gave my first child up for adoption 11 years ago and although I know it was the best thing i could do at the time I would turn the clock back if I could. I now have three lovely kids and have suffered from post-natal depression with two of them, and I now believe that is why I lost my first daughter, but they didn’t really know anything about it then. You may be suffering yourself and that won’t help matters if you are. Please don’t give her up, you will get through this, I promise!! You are going through a temporary blip, it won’t last forever and it certainly won’t have a detrimental effect on your daughter as long as you can feed and clothe her that’s all she needs. Your love is more important than fancy clothes and toys. You never know what is around the next corner, it could all change tomorrow! I will be thinking of you and I’ll say a little prayer for you too if you don’t mind xx xx
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You have no idea how much I wish I lived near you. I am a mother of three boys and despritely would love to have a little girl. But with the problems I had with the last pregnancy I am unable to do this. I would love to adopt a little girl, privately rather than through some big agency because I think it would just be nicer to have a relationship with the mother and be able to send pictures of the amazing gift. If I knew you I would be willing to give you whatever you needed to help pay for your rent for 6 months to help you have time to get a job. And extra money just to get your life together. I would love to have a little girl. I am an at home mother, my husband and I have been married 7 years and we go to church every sunday and my husband is studing to be a pastor. My boys are Josiah8, Jonathon 5, and Ethan 3 E-mail Address [email protected]
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I am so sorry about what you are going through!
I am very pro-adoption, but I’m not naive enough to think that it is always the best solution in every situation. For some, it would be, for others, maybe not. I don’t think you are cruel in the least. I think you love your daughter and want what’s best for her.
First, if it was me, I would exhaust all other possibilities. Is there a family member who you could move in with until you get back on your feet? Have you applied for unemployment, WIC, housing assistance, food stamps, and all other public assistance? I’m not positive, but I think Goodwill or the Salvation Army may also be able to set you up with some help. Could you have your daughter stay with a relative you trust for a while? So at least you can do your job search. Try to get some help. There must be something out there that can help you out.
I don’t want to even try to sway you to keep her or give her for adoption. It is such a personal decision. You will be the one who has to search your heart and do what you think is the right thing. I hope you get it all worked out soon and wish you the best in whatever you decide to do.
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I’m very sorry that you are going through this situation. It melts my heart to hear how much you care for your daughter! I myself was adopted. I found my biological mother and she told me she had planned on keeping me up until pretty much the last day of her pregnancy. She came to a realization that she could not care for me or give me the things that I would need in life as well as somebody else. (She was 17 at the time) I ended up with my adoptive family and I thank her so much for giving me up. I don’t believe I would be were I am today or have gotten to experience the things I have if she kept me. I’m not saying to give your daughter up, Lord knows I would have a very difficult time making that kind of decision if it came to my own children. I just think you should explore all options and keep your childs best interest at heart. Definitely talk to somebody about your situation that you trust and see what can be done for you both. I wish you the best of luck and my prayers are with you!
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Wow, I am really sorry to hear about your situation! I have been stuck in some pretty rough situations myself, and have become pretty resourseful in the process. First off, for food, there are plenty of fish and loaves around the united states. Try to find one in your area. They give you food once a month. Then there is the issue of shelter. Call around and see if there are any churches that would be willing to help you out with rent. You may want to check out the government subsidized apartments in your area as well. Sometimes they are nice. There is also the department of job and family services. They can help with rent sometimes through a program called PRC. There may also be a head start program in your area. It is a preschool program, but they also have community outreach programs. If worse comes to worse, call family and see if you can stay with them. If not, and you loose your apt before you find a job, try to find a homeless shelter in your area. volunteers of america have shelters across the usa. I know that times are hard right now, but god doesn’t give you anything you can’t handle. There is a reason this child was given to you, try everything in your power to keep her before you give up! She is just a baby! She won’t remember living in a shelter, or not having a lot of toys or clothes as an infant! The most important thing is that you love her! Show her that, take care of her! Have faith and believe that everything will be ok! Something will happen for you, for where there is a will, there is a way!!!!
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The absolute hardest thing to do is adopt your child out – I really think that you need to ring your family and tell your parent/parents you are having a real hard time and need help – yes it will be hard to swallow your pride and yes it will be very difficult but I cannot imagine how bloody hard it would be to give up my baby at 4 months. Do you get young mothers support over there? Are there services that can help. Reading your letter has really bought tears to my eyes. the other thing is that no one can love your baby as much as you – and there are stories of mums searching for their children 10-20 years later and the child also searching for their biological mum, no matter how nice the adopted parents are the child want the biological mother. I am a social worker and three life issues causes drug useage in children later in life 1) sexual abuse, 2) suicide of a parent, 3 being adopted.
Coming to terms with being adopted out must be horrific – just wandering why mum wanted to give you away. Sometimes we place way to much on money – I cant urge you enough to ring your mother, sister, auntie, grandmother and tell them you are not coping and that you are considering adopting your daughter out. All you need is a little time to get your act together , thats all, and tell them that “all you need is a little time to get things together – maybe someone will help you with a room for a few weeks.
Also there is are no guarrantees she will get a loving family – she might but like you their circumstances may change in a few years.
Ring your parents, and email me if you want. Also put where you live like what state or country and I will look up services in your area, there must be church groups, the salvation army, government pensions – that type of thing.
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