I’m 17 years old, and I lie all the time. I don’t lie about serious stuff, in real situations I will tell the truth. I don’t really intend to lie, but I often find myself telling lies without even realising it. I usually get away with it because I don’t really realise I’m lying until after I’ve said it, and obviously if I believe I am telling the truth at the time I am saying it, I don’t give off any signs that I’m lying.
It is usually about stupid stuff. The other day my friends were talking about elevators and I suddenly announced “I got trapped in an elevator once”, which is a complete lie. I lie about things I’m allergic to, I lie about events that have occured which just haven’t. If someone questions me, I realise I’ve lied but then I go on to dig myself into a hole because I can’t just say “Oh I was lying”.
I honestly do not understand why I do it. I’m starting university next year and I want to stop doing it. I don’t want to get myself into a web of lies, and then have to keep track of all the lies I’ve told for another four years. How can I stop being such a liar?
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I don’t understand why I do it either, but I think it has something to do with force of habit. It’s not malicious, but when you’re a kid you programme yourself to lie in order to escape being told off for something bad you might have done. For example one time I had a friend round and we were in my room playing and listening to the radio with my younger sister. The radio somehow got knocked on the floor and broke instantly. Me and my sister froze together – the friend, having of course not lived round our house, didn’t, as she didn’t have our instant reflex and inbuilt knowledge that dad would fly off the handle if he knew that a £1 radio had just been smashed to bits. My parents in the room below heard the smash of the radio on the floor and my dad yelled “What was that!!” Me and my sister simultaneously called back: “We dropped a book!” Dad yelled, “Well keep it down, I’m watching TV!” Of course we had both lied because a book doesn’t break when it falls, whereas the radio, being broken, would have to be replaced and this would cost dad a lot of money and we’d be in trouble for a month.
It astonished my friend, who was unused to such situations, that (a) me and my sister froze at the same moment, (b) both lied as a reflex without even thinking about it, and (c) Told the exact same lie at the same moment and in the same words, as if we were telepathic! So maybe it’s just habit.
You lie because at some point in your childhood it became a habit to lie without even thinking. As an adult (meaning start now) you really must undo this reflex somehow and consider what you’re saying or you will get in much more trouble in the future than is worth it. Imagine having to explain a lie to a future employer. They’ll know you’re dishonest and they won’t care why, they’ll just instantly have a bad impression of you and you will never be able to undo that. Same with friends. As to ‘how’ – just catch yourself before you start! If you are lying because you want to entertain your friends then entertain them with something that IS the truth or with something you’ve seen on TV. Think of interesting ‘truths’ – there must be something entertaining in your past or present to talk about so talk about that. It’s like giving up smoking. You want to hear that there’s an easy way to stop your bad habit but there isn’t one. You need willpower! There’s no magic pill. See a university therapist or counsellor, they must have one. You don’t have to tell anyone, just make an appointment on the first week there and tell them everything.
this may help: