What Do You All Think So Far <:)?

Hi there. I asked a question with this a few days ago, but I’ve edited it a bit and changed some things around, so I’d like your opinions;

The smell of their saccharine blood flowing through their every vein, the staggering bumps of their beating hearts, the rich color that swept to their faces was all too much. A craving for every one of them ached deep in my chest.

The hunger churned in my stomach and made me bite down on my own lip, spilling blood into my mouth. Humans were like ants, pests among earth, what would it hurt if one went missing?

Searching for a succulent mortal, I sauntered onto the sidewalk. Since I was nocturnal, it was going to be difficult finding that many humans out at night. As I began my hunt, I inhaled violently so that their delightful scents over-whelmed me.

I tried to evaluate each human all over, but I couldn’t keep my gaze from their necks. One young woman’s in particular caught my attention. Thinking about all of that blood stream from something so fragile sent shudders of pleasure through me. When I glanced back at her face, her nose was shriveled in a scowl. She had noticed my observation and quickened her pace. I gave the woman a devious grin, making sure that she got a glimpse of my fangs. Since I had always fancied humans, teasing them could be just as fun as feeding off of them. They were just so delicate.

At that moment, I stopped dead in my tracks. The one. He was standing right in front of me. Straight away, I knew that I had found the most perfect out of all the imperfects who skulked around at night. He looked delicious. To make sure that this was the one I wanted, I gave him a once over.

The boy’s sandy blonde hair arched around his face, making it act like a mane. My mouth almost began to water when I saw his neck. It was tantalizingly wide, my own slab of meat on a platter. Greed washed over me as his green eyes shimmered like emeralds when they met mine. Since he had willingly made eye-contact, I felt obliged to take him.

The uncomfortable tingle in my eyes returned, it always did when I used my allure. Instantly, he seemed enthralled. His body went rigid and his expression was fixated on me. That always made me beam, knowing that someone was so absorbed by me.

See also  Books & Authors: How would you rate the sex in Philippa Gregory's "The Other Boleyn Girl"? Mild? Explicit?

What do you think? Sorry if some things don’t make sense, it’s pretty late here. If you find any mistakes, let me know <:). Suggestions are welcome and opinions are greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.



Please no Twilight comments. Stephanie Meyer did not create Vampires, and she most certainly doesn’t own them. You’ll save yourself a massive rant from me if you just don’t mention it.

✅ Answers

? Favorite Answer

  • There is a lot of description and as the reader I’m still not sure whether this Vampire likes or disdains humans. I think that the ritual of feeding needs to give the reader a distinct impression. It should help your reader to get into the head of the vampire, not just be pretty prose. This is incredibly poetic but it doesn’t bring me any closer to knowing this character or the victim. I ‘see’ them but I’m not there with them. I’m watching a picture versus being in the movie. As a writer you want to lure your reader in.

    You want the reader to be more than a casual observer, you want to get them invested in the story. Right now I could be that woman in the crowd who is hurrying away wondering if I saw a flash of fangs as opposed to the Vampire or the victim or someone else closely watching their exchange.

  • D) Acceptable because if the hitting had been more at times this season then the Braves would have a better record. The GM Frank Wren fixed last years problem by adding some pitching. Then this year the hitting has not been there at times when the Braves need it. BQ- I think the Braves will be better next season. The pitching is going to come back still in tact. The hitting will hopefully be better because hopefully the GM Frank Wren will address some of these issues.

  • Amazing. Very, very well written and articulate work. I would really enjoy reading something like that. Keep up the great work!!

    Source(s): Cheers 🙂

  • This didn’t suck…at all… But this wasn’t good.. It was OKAY… And that is good! it was alittle above my standards of Okay…

    it has a lot of description i’ll give you that… You should be carefull with that ability. Sometimes is can be a joy to your readers and sometimes it can be BORING!!!

  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.Sign in
  • See also  Why so some people hate the Hunger Games?

    I think you should change “mortals” to a name more worthy of prey, or food. But sounds pretty good, interesting as well.

    Source(s): ~ Z

  • i think its really cool so far … but just one thing i think you should go with a different type of monster because the vampire as been done. a werewolf would work

  • oh….my…god…

    THAT WAS AMAZING!!! IT WAS NOTHING LIKE TWILIGHT! I LOVED IT! Plz plz plz plz plz write more i was absorbed in the story i wouldnt have noticed if my house blew up! plz send me more! it was awesome!!!!!

  • its great!

  • sounds intresting… i like it, very discriptive. good luck 🙂

    thanks answering mine! 🙂

  • Other Related Questions

    WhAt ShOuLd I nAmE mY cHaRaCtErS?

    Answers Favorite AnswerNaming a character should feel like a parent naming their children. You wouldn't give that task to anyone else (least of all strangers). I'm guessing you don't feel that strongly about your story.. Jane Jennings. Mr. Wang. Bill Harting. Landon . Rachel . Charlie Lincoln. Ethan. Jane Jones, Jissle, Jankles, Jeels, Joles, Jamago,James. (I made all of these, other than Jones & James, up xD). Mr. Barker, Mr. James, Mr. Hudson, Mr. Lang.. Reg, Benson, Jacob, Kane.. Daniel, Sam, Aaron, Cameron, Justin.. Belle, Wella, Susie, Anne.. Cameron, Justin, Ben, Nathan, John, Jonathan.. Harold, Ken, Quinn, Samuel, Dan, Brad. Hope I helped! I do know I re-used the names, sorry they just fit with the description. :)Source(s): My brain.

    Whether attitude depends life experience or your life experience constitutes your attitude ?

    Answers Favorite AnswerGood question. Attitude is the base. Attitude helps in engaging in action, which builds experience, experience in turn enriches the basic attitude and people become more experience and so on.Life experiences form the person you are today of which your attitude is a reflection. Life experience is good and bad meaning your attitude can reflection of specific recent or recurring events. Both to your question because attitude depends on also how you deal with random events that occur.I think, Natural Attitude,Taking the Coaching with the Experiences, and Dancing Accordingly, with the Changing STEPS, with the Better Dance or with the Worst Dance Steps, Depending on the Personal Attitude of the Understanding of the DANCES.Attitude comes down to thinking and belief choices Balaji.Good Luck.Best Wishes.Mars Mission Soon In A Galaxy Near Yours..Source(s):Studies..Sure it can. I could handiest feel down for a whilst, but after the clouds are cleared, i'll proceed my existence as natural. I no longer dwell in the past dangerous expertise, as an alternative be taught from it. The sector is giant, so why stay at that one factor and not moving on. I is also equipped to experience something quality.It is like asking "what was first, Read more

    See also  WhAt ShOuLd I nAmE mY cHaRaCtErS?
    Which is the more important legacy for Classical Athens, the democracy or philosophy?

    Which is the more important legacy for Classical Athens, the democracy or philosophy? Why? Which legacy had the greatest influence on western culture?Democracy by far. Nowadays everybody favors democracy it seems (save a tiny but growing minority of enlightened people) but few even heard of Plato, Aristotle etc.Its democracy made an impact on the Western Culture. Its values and philosophy of Plato and Aristotle had influenced the world and particularly the theory of democracy.Favorite AnswerDemocracy by far. Nowadays everybody favors democracy it seems (save a tiny but growing minority of enlightened people) but few even heard of Plato, Aristotle etc.Its democracy made an impact on the Western Culture. Its values and philosophy of Plato and Aristotle had influenced the world and particularly the theory of democracy.

    Would you please give me your opinion of which words should end this chapter?

    conversation-type novel: This may seem weird, not knowing what was previously written.Dear Wayne, Interesting launch for a Vietnam story. No ambushed patrol or shoot 'em up. Just that odd sign, the Kraits, and the black pajama boys to get out attention, then I was there; this is my story. You have my vote. I'll read on. Signed, Jerry PetersonDear Wayne, Okay the snakes and the prophetic sign gave me a serious case of the heebie-jeebies. You get my vote for most powerful images. - signed, Jennifer HDear Jennifer, Highway traffic gives me the heebie-jeebies. Do you catch my drift? Snakes, leeches, scorpions, and enemies that rustle the leaves- they all have a degree of logic, or a conscience of sorts, and they, whether they intend to or not, they give us early warning signs. -But those of you who drive on the highways are the bravest people on Earth. Why? You face dangers on a daily bases, more than just days of your life - which was my tour in Vietnam. And you face those highway dangers, knowing full well, there are no early warning signs. When a tire blows-out on the highway or a truck driver goes to sleep Read more

    Leave a Comment