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The above answer was a good one. When someone I know dies, I try to come up with a special memory I have of that person or let the surviving family members know how their loved one touched my life. You don’t have to say anything fancy though, just being there and letting them know that you care is plenty. People grieve in different ways, but by mere fact that you are at the funeral says in a quiet way that the deceased mattered to you. If you had a loved one pass recently, my heart goes out to you for your loss.
Everything said above is right on, quietly remembering the person, offering your support in whatever way needed. One thing I’d like to point out, don’t take the grieving family’s responses personally. When my father died (my mother had passed away twenty years earlier) so many people wanted to chat, talk, be my new friend, one of his friends even seemed to think my job was to comfort her! I really didn’t want to talk at the moment though. I wanted to be alone. After a couple of weeks passed I was in a better mental place to talk to people and I had wonderful conversations with all who called. Just remember, everyone is different and will respond in their own unique ways.
Say what comes naturally to you. If you feel quiet be quiet. If you feel the need to talk, talk. You don’t even have to go if it really bothers you. Give all family members the same respect. Let them deal with it the way that is natural to them.
Say it quietly. It really depends on the situation as to what you say. Things like I’m very sorry. and I know I can’t understand what you are going through, are usually appropriate. You might say something good you remember about the deceased if it is appropriate.
I’m so sorry. He/she was just such a great person. He/she always ______. He/she always had a smile on his/her face. I can’t even imagine how you’re feeling right now. Is there anything I can do to help? (if they say ‘no’, then say) Well, just remember I’m always here for you.
I feel sorry for your loss