Why do people assume if you are young and want a baby you are "insecure"?

I think you are learning one of the first lessons of parenting, which is to take the advice you can use and leave the rest behind. I think that people who make comments on another’s family are often reflecting their own insecurities. It’s really no one’s business how many children you decide to have and at what age, provided you’re both adults, of course.

You two are obviously ready, and many women prefer to have children when they are younger for a variety of reasons. The desire to have a child can be incredibly strong in some women, and that’s fine. Not so strong in other women, and that’s fine too. Being a wife and mother are wonderful roles, and there is nothing in the world wrong with wanting that life.

Good luck to you both!

24 is not too young to have a baby. Ask any OBGYN and they will tell you that the mid-twenties is a prime time to conceive a child because you have the wisdom of adulthood and the physical stamina to handle the process. Waiting longer doesn’t make it easier, and if you are “insecure” in your mid-twenties, waiting until you’re 30 won’t make you any less “insecure”.

The easy answer here is to simply say that her friend is wrong and make educated guesses as to why she’d say something so silly. And let’s face, we all know her comment was silly!

Most of the educated guesses as to why she said it have already been stated above…. the only one I’d add to the mix is that it’s tough when your good friends start having kids and you don’t have any. The friends have less time for you and you feel isolated and unsure about why you were put on this earth. So maybe your wife’s friend is just afraid of losing that friendship.

But the question I have for you is this: why is your wife so upset about a dumb remark that her friend made? Again, I’m making another educated guess here, but my guess is that if it were your friend making that remark to you, you would either blow off the remark, argue with him over it, or stop being friends with him… and then you’d just move on.

Maybe your wife really is insecure on some level (not necessarily about having a child), and the comment stung her to the core. Maybe the potential loss of that friendship is painful to her. Perhaps something else. But I think the most important thing you can do as her husband is to really listen to her compassionately and not just try to quickly “fix” the problem and prove that her friend is “wrong” (which could be a catch-22 since it might look like you are bashing on her good friend). Just listen with your arms wide open and be comforting. Who knows, maybe the end result would be that you would wind up starting a family that much sooner, or at least getting more practice. 🙂

One last thing – you think it’s bad now, just wait until you become parents. Everyone will start giving you unsolicited “advice” on how to raise your child. Part of being good parents means taking everyone’s “advice” with as many grains of salt as necessary and doing what you believe is best.

Source(s): The slow, painful realization that it is the process of working through difficulties that is what brings meaning to our relationships.

First, it’s really none of this “friend’s” business whether you and your wife decide to have a child or not. It doesn’t sound like this person is a real friend, or she would be supportive. Perhaps she is jealous or worried that she won’t see you as much if you have a child (as children become a priority).

Having children changes your whole perspective on life in a positive way. Everything becomes about their needs and wants, which if you are ready for, that’s all that should matter.

It sounds as if this other person is the insecure one. She said something insensitive because she’s not feeling good about her own life. Hopefully your wife will be able to tell this person how she made her feel. Either that, or she should chalk it up to two people going different ways with their lives.

First, your wife is at a very normal age, esp if she’s been in a marriage this long to start wanting a family. It’s human instinct to want a family and esp for woman they have the desire to be mother’s, and she is at the age where it really starts to be the truth.

It does not make her insecure, it only makes her want what most humans eventually want.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting a family at this age, or at this time in your life. It’s not like you guys are 15 and trying to have a baby.

I think her “good friend” isn’t so much of a good friend. It sounds like your wife wants a baby for the right reasons, and the “good friend” is either jealous or really can’t support her friend. Perhaps this “good friend” (and i keep putting quotations around this, b/c I truly don’t look at someone who will say those things to your wife in this situation is a good friend) is afraid that a baby will complicate your wife’s life too much and the “good friend” will take a back burner.

In any case, the good friend needs to forget it and just let ou and your wife live your life and decide what is best for it and either support it or watch out for the door handle on the way out.

My doctor told me I was at a good time in my marriage to have a child, and we were married two years when I had my daughter, he said that was enuf time to know each other. We are now married 20 years and she is getting ready to turn 18! I didn’t feel ready to have her at all, and I was 28, so it is less about age and more about your maturity level and readiness. As for her so called friend she has issues of her own. I don’t think a friend should ever give advice but rather be there to support her friend’s decision whatever it is. That is a friend’s job. Whether she agrees with it or not does not matter. 24 is not too young to have children, it is more about stability of the relationship and home environment that the child will be brought into. It sounds like you and your wife have whats it takes to be great parents, tell the friend to either back off, or put her own issues to rest and get supportive, your wife doesn’t need any outside negative stress around her now; good luck to you both!

First I would like to say that planning on having a baby just doesn’t happen like it used to. What I mean by this is most of us who have had childern was not a planned preg. So congrats to you and your wife.

A lot of people have had childern thinking it would keep the marriage or relationship together and it normaly backfires on them. Your wifes friend must of observed this somewhere or it’s a personal experience of hers. Just because I have one type of experience doesn’t mean that sombody else will experience the same out come. We are all differnt.

Some people think that childern get in the way. (How sad) Yes having a child is a big responsiblity. We can’t come and go at the last min. We have to make plans. The people who have childern and think this way is such a sad thing. Having a child can be fun, frustrating, interesting. It’s fun to watch a child grow and develop. It’s amazing to watch their first steps. It’s funny when they ask questions that can be quite emmbarrassing. It can be frustrating to teach them to read, but it’s fun and interesting when they start picking words off the bill boards.

For me personally I had one planned child with my husband at the time. Our divorce had nothing to do with having a child. (he travels and I couldn’t stand not getting the help I needed from him) So in my experience I am a single mom. I am ok with that. I am happy that I have my son and we can experience his learning process together. I don’t feel complete yet. I think once I get a college degree I will feel more complete. This is just me.

In your wifes experience it is important to her to have a child and be a mom. I don’t believe your too young. I believe the both of you are planning this out in a more responsible way then I did. I was with my husband for 1 year and then we got preg. then we got married. He was working but not making a lot of money until he got his job traveling. I was a stay at home mom. I think it is great that you two have been together for five years and now you are planning to have a child.

Some people need a money making career to feel complete.

Some people need a family to feel complete.

Some need both.

We are all different which makes our wants and needs different.

Life will be different but it doesn’t mean it will be bad. One of things I love about having a child is I can do fun things with him. Baseball, go carts, putt putt golf. These are things I wouldn’t make time for if I didn’t have a child. I get to share these experiences once again. This time around I am the mom not the child. How cool is that.

Wanting a child is not being insecure atleast not in this case. I would say so if she was 16 or so.

Perhaps your wifes friend is insecure. Does she have any childern. If not then perhaps it’s a jealously thing. If she does have childern then I am thinking she may regret having them. I am not saying she doesn’t love them just regrets not doing things a little different.

Tell your wife not to worry what others think. It’s how she feels about haveing a baby, that’s what’s important!

Congrats and good luck

Most people say this about young teenagers, that want babies and they don’t have jobs, are living at home with their parents, are unmarried, and don’t have anything to offer a baby but themselves. Those people ARE insecure.

Maybe the friend still sees your wife as that kind of child. Your wife is young, and she probably had her own picture about the things your wife would accomplish. The friend sounds older, but they could be about the same age.

Giving the friend the benefit of the doubt, she probably didn’t mean to hurt, but to help. She probably knows that a baby will take a lot of responsibility, especially since you married while she was still a teenager. Maybe she feels you two are still finding yourselves with each other, (although I personally think that 5 years is enough time to get that going), some people don’t think that at 24, she has all of the vacations with just the two of you out of her system yet. But if you two think that you’re ready for it, go for it! You two are the only authors of your own story, no matter who is reading into the book.

It seems as though you and your wife have thought this out thoroughly. You’ve acquire stability in your marriage of 5 years and you said next year you will be ready financially? What are you waiting for? You guys are a family and children are what makes some families complete. There’s nothing more rewarding then raising children, and watching them grow up to become productive adults. Does your wife’s friend have kids, or is she even married? If not, Maybe she’s a little envious. If you are happy in your marriage, 24is a beautiful age to start a family. When little Johnnie or little Susie turns 18, your wife will only be 43. Sounds like a great time to start to me!

The only thing wrong with you or your wife is that you care what anyone else thinks about a decision that concerns only you and your wife. Friends, family, etc. don’t get a say in it — period.

But, to answer your questions:

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to start a family. In fact, wanting to raise a family together is a very natural urge/desire for couples. 24 isn’t really all that young for a married woman to have her first baby and five years is actually a pretty long wait for a couple to start a family.

I don’t know what motivated your wife’s friend to say what she did. It could be any number of things…

It may be what she truly believes (which, again, matters only in regards to her own life and personal decisions.) Deep down, she may worry that once your wife has the baby she won’t have time for friends, anymore. She may simply know that maintaining a friendship with someone who has a baby would cramp her own lifestyle. If she’s single but hoping not to remain that way, it could be pangs of jealousy that even she’s not conciously aware she’s having. Or, it might be something else entirely.

Having kids won’t complete your life. Life isn’t supposed to be complete. Instead of worrying about “completing your lives” and “bringing new meaning to your relationship”, you should be thinking about what it means to be a parent to another human being.

My advice, if you’re still serious about a baby: you need to try taking care of a child for a few days. Friend or relative or neighbor- someone you know must have a baby or young child or even a preteen that they need babysitting services for. Or maybe you could volunteer to teach a children’s bible school class, but it has to be an all day thing for you to get the full effect of child care. The more children you are exposed to, the better.

The rose-tinted glasses need to come off now. Sure, kids are great, but they’re a lot more work than a fish or a cat or a dog. Think about it.

And if after all that, you still want a couple of kids, good luck.